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This is a discussion on School...ugh. within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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    09-27-2011, 11:09 AM

Sorry, this is kind of a novel.

Ok so I started a thread awhile ago about me applying to school, but the boyfriend got mad. Well, I applied to school. He doesn't know yet, because I already know his ultimatum.

He told me that if I apply to school and move, that we would no longer be together. Ok fine. I understand his concerns. The school I want to go to for pre-vet is about 4 hours away. No biggy in my opinion I guess, but if that's how he wants to be, so be it.

He also does not know the extent of pre-vet school and how after you complete pre-vet, you need to go on to a veterinary college. I've told him a little bit about it, and he doesn't seem to want to hear any of it.

All he does is lecture me about how our relationship wouldn't work and blah blah blah. We have been together for over 3 years, and if he doesn't support my schooling, then maybe he should go down the road. Just my opinion. I sound like a mean girlfriend right now for talking smack about him on here, but it's the truth.

Now the veterinary school I want to go to is Washington State University. Now WSU is a 7 hour flight from Fargo, and a 17+ hour drive from home.

I'm not sure we could make our relationship work, let alone would I want to. Being 17 hours away is not an ideal relationship for me. He is also a jealous person. I don't even have friends anymore because none of them want to deal with him. If I go out with friends to a movie or whatever, he calls and texts all the time wondering where I am and when I am going to be home. I am not a child! I may be young, but I don't need him to be like a parental figure. I am 20 years old, and have made decisions on my own for the past 3 years.

Back to his jealousy, he thinks that I am wanting to go to school at WSU because my ex-boyfriend lives in Tacoma, WA. This is not the case. I haven't talked to my ex since we broke up, as we ended on a bad note. Another story there.

Well he is stationed in Tacoma for his military career. So my current bf thinks I am going to go to school in WA, get back together with the ex, and never come back to ND. Well I would go to school in WA, not get back together with my ex, and still probably not come back to ND. Don't get me wrong, I love ND, but not my current location.

I was stupid waiting this long to apply to school and really move forward with my life. I live in a small town of 500 people, and I'm not going anywhere in life here. I have an awesome job in the private health care industry, but as much as I love it, I love animals more, and have wanted to be a vet since the day I could talk pretty much.

What do you guys think? Sorry this is so long, I just needed to rant to someone, and since I have no friends left at home, I figured I'd come to the next best people, my horseforum buddies. Thanks to anyone who actually read this novel.
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    09-27-2011, 01:47 PM
Well, from an adult perspective, you are doing the right thing. Getting an education will allow you to live your own life, support yourself etc without needing a man. Not to say you won't have one but its better to be there by choice than be stuck because of money ;) I didn't start college until I was 21(because of a boy...) and I think I did better and worked harder because I was a little older and I was driven to succeed because I had seen what my life would be like without an education.

If it doesn't work out with the boyfriend, there are plenty of other boys out there ;) if you give up your dreams for him, someday you will resent him, maybe even hate him for what you gave up. I've been there. You are on the right path and following your dreams, if he can't support you, you can find someone who will. Good luck and congratulations on school!
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    09-27-2011, 02:04 PM
Green Broke
Run. Run fast.

I dated a boy who wasnt happy about my college choice aswell. I took a year off of school because of him. He was controlling, jealous, immature, an verbally abusive. I LET him guilt trip me into staying back another year. I regret it every day. Our relationship ended with him punching me in the face. Guys like the one your describing IMO are dangerous. They are manipulative, controlling, and unpredictable. Your saying you don't have friends anymore because of him. UH HELLO! Open your eyes, you deserve better than that. Don't put yourself through what I went through. Don't let him control your life. Do you really even need advice on this? The answer should be obvious, run away run away! You don't need that, you need someone who is supportive of you. Ditch the loser and go on with your life. You will be much happier, and have friends .

I apologize if this is a little blunt. But your describing my ex boyfriend exactly to a T. Im not saying he will get psychical with you like mine did with me. But you never know, keep yourself safe and get away from him.
    09-27-2011, 02:21 PM
Uh huh, and what are you planning to do with the horses you just got if you break up with this guy now? You sold off/gave away the last ones you had because you had a falling out with him, so what now?

Really, your life is like a bad movie plot. I could see this coming from 10 miles away, yet you seem to think your situation is going to get better if you stay with this guy and just keep buying random horses?

If you're serious about vet school, then do it. An emotionally abusive person who alienates you from family and friends isn't going to get better, he's just going to get worse. Physical abuse will be next, when the emotional abuse and blackmail no longer work.

This is really up to you. Get out now, or be stuck for the rest of your life with someone who will continually berate you and treat you like garbage, while they're escalating their abuse.

And please, for the love of God, do NOT buy/acquire any more animals until you're at a stable, financially secure place in your life. It's not fair to them.
    09-27-2011, 02:42 PM
Speed Racer -- I understand your concern for my horses, and I don't just keep buying "random" horses. I am working on a plan for my horses to come with me, as I have family in that area, but for now, they are going to my Uncle's place. I understand the responsibilities that come with owning horses. And yes, while my last move to sell the last 3 was a wrong, there is nothing I can do about it now.
Really, my life is like a bad movie plot?! What? You know nothing about my life besides this small tidbit of information I chose to share with everyone for advice and suggestions, not trash talking and immaturity. I'm sorry if I'm sounding mean, but I came here for suggestions and opinions and not someone bash talking. My life is nothing like a "bad movie plot", my life has it's ups and downs, but who's doesn't? I'm sure your life isn't exactly perfect. This is a speed bump in my life that I am trying to get over with some encouragement.

It's alot harder than it sounds to just get up and walk away from someone who has been in my life for the past 4 years. Yes, he is jealous and controlling, but stupidly enough, I still love him. I'm sure I will hear "you're too young, you don't know what love is", well I do. You're never to young to love.
And I realize that my decision to take "a year" off school was wrong and has now escalated into over two years off of college. I'm trying to right my past wrongs, and am doing in the best way I know how. I thank Dresden and .Delete. For your honest opinions and/or experiences. Speed Racer, I respect your opinion, but I no longer want to hear about the rights and wrongs for my horses. Yes I would do anything for all three of them, and have. I have a plan figured out for them, and now it's time for me to figure a plan out for myself. That is what this post is about, so please stick to answering the topics addressed.

    09-27-2011, 03:09 PM
I am with SR on this. Why did you acquire more animals if you were wanting to move/go to school in another state? Sorry, but the fact you have animals kind of drags them into this are you are responsible for their welfare and care.

I am assuming you are talking about going to UND or NDSU for the prevet courses?

I suggest talking to a few people who are actually in college for veterinary medicine. Talk to the college that you want to eventually go to. Some colleges do not recognize the course work from other colleges. You need to make sure where ever you go first is going to be accepted by the one you plan to go to.
    09-27-2011, 03:18 PM
NdAppy, I'm sure alot of people are going to agree with SR on this, that's fine, your opinions. I bought my horses because I never thought I was actually going to want to go to college. And now that I do, I understand that I need to look out for them first, and have their plan figured out for what is best for them.

Actually, I was thinking about DSU for the prevet courses. It's not 100% decided, but that's what I'm set on right now. I am looking into if my work from DSU will be accepted by the college I want to eventually go to.

I have talked to someone who has already went through the pre-vet courses at DSU and then onto veterinary school in Iowa, he happens to be my vet, Nate. He has encouraged me to go forward with my dreams and don't let anyone stop me. He advised it is a long hard road, but in the end it is worth it.
    09-27-2011, 03:23 PM
Originally Posted by Hrsegirl    
I'm sure your life isn't exactly perfect. This is a speed bump in my life that I am trying to get over with some encouragement. .
Nobody's life is perfect, but you've deliberately made it harder by doing exactly the OPPOSITE of what others have advised for months.

You were advised NOT to get any more horses yet you said, 'Too bad, I'm getting them anyway, even though all of you think it's a bad idea.'

You don't want encouragement, you want approval and absolution. So sorry, but you're not getting it from me.

Originally Posted by Hrsegirl    
It's alot harder than it sounds to just get up and walk away from someone who has been in my life for the past 4 years.
Sure it's hard. Anything worth doing is going to take some actual effort, but by your own admission he's jealous, controlling, and has alienated you from friends and family.

You may think you love him, but I could never love someone who treated me so shabbily. Once you find some self respect, you'll realize it too.

Originally Posted by Hrsegirl    
I respect your opinion, but I no longer want to hear about the rights and wrongs for my horses.
Too bad, because your animals are my biggest concern, right behind you being found dead in a dumpster somewhere because this man you 'love so much' snaps and kills you when he finds out you don't want to be controlled any longer.

For better or worse, you took on responsibility for the lives and well being of your animals. They're part of this equation whether or not you want to admit that, and dumping them at your uncle's place doesn't exactly scream 'responsible adult' to me.

I'm not surprised you posted this in the Teen Forum even though you're past the teenage years. You just wanted pats, coos, and everyone telling you what you wanted to hear.

I won't be back to this thread. I hope once you finally do mature, you'll realize all of your problems were self made and you only have yourself to blame. That's how real adults behave.
    09-27-2011, 04:23 PM
Green Broke
You need to love yourself first beyond anything. So do yourself a favor an get rid of that boy, he is only holding you back in life.
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    09-27-2011, 07:26 PM
Green Broke
Normally I wouldn't, could I agree with SR. I was with the guys for awhile.. He was really bad for me. He was a drug addict and put me in a terrible situation. I had no where to turn. He had to leave me before I could realize how horrible I was living my life.

All my animals come first in my life. I got a job, started paying for my own things, and started working on my school to prepare me for whatever career I choose (thinking AI tech).

Take your horses & leave. Love them. Don't dump them somewhere.
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