School...ugh. - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 25 Old 09-27-2011, 06:34 PM
Green Broke
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Location: Southwestern Ontario, Canada
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Hmm...this sounds like a hard decision.

Stay with someone who controls who, where, what, when and how you do things....


Get an education.

Tough choice!

Originally Posted by Hrsegirl View Post
It's alot harder than it sounds to just get up and walk away from someone who has been in my life for the past 4 years.
Actually, it isn't that hard. I've done it (although it wasn't 4 years). You pack your bags, and you leave.

He is using the ultimatum to try and control you. By not getting along with your friends, he is controlling you.

Education is a million times more important then dating is. Every. Single. Time.

<--someone who went with the boy and regrets not having an education now.
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It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. --Epictetus
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post #12 of 25 Old 09-27-2011, 08:41 PM
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There aren't many people who are going to tell you that staying with the guy is going to pay off in the long run, as opposed to going to a school of your choice.

I will agree, however, that it's hard to let go of someone that you've been with for so long, but look at what he's doing to you... how dare someone dictate where you can or can't go for an education! An education that will be 100x more worthwhile in life than dating this person. Controlling and jealousy are possibly two of the worst traits to have in someone you "love" ... there are plenty of fish in the sea, time to cast out a line and move on. :)

Another thing to consider, what happens if he breaks up with you in two years and you don't follow through on going to that school... how bad (or stupid) are you going to feel? Most relationships at a young age end, it's just a fact of life.
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post #13 of 25 Old 09-27-2011, 08:55 PM
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You sound smart and determined enough to go through becoming a vet, so I do hope that is what you do and you don't stay with the douchebag you currently call your boyfriend. Just remember that if you DO stay with him, the day he dumps you, or the day you hate him because he did something a 100000000000000000000 more awful than what he currently does to you, you'll kick yourself in the a** for not leaving him before and giving your life plenty of opportunities by getting an education. Because as you said, there isn't much you can do with your life in your little town.

I know you love him and it's hard because you have been with him for 4 years, but as they say love is blind. And then what is there really to love? He treats you like a piece of his property, he isn't interested (or even cares for that matter) about your true happiness and life, he doesn't respect you... does he have ANY qualities besides maybe having good looks? And that shouldn't even be considered a quality, it should be a bonus to the personality.
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post #14 of 25 Old 09-27-2011, 11:02 PM
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You have to do what is right for you and your future. If this guy is as jealous and controlling as you say, he is definitely checking all the boxes for the type of guy who does not make a good future for any girl, especially one who will put up with stuff and make excuses for him because she loves him. He will lose it when he finds out you are leaving for real, especially if he thinks you're going back to the ex bf.

So - please please please - quietly and quickly get your plans made, stash your money in your own name somewhere only you have access to, get your own credit cards and cancel any that you have just with him, tell friends or parents or someone else what your plans are that you can trust, and move out while he's away.

You are putting your safety at risk if you expect him to react rationally when he finds out you're really leaving.
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post #15 of 25 Old 09-28-2011, 04:19 PM
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I would definitely leave him. Staying with him is not helping you or your future, and in truth he doesn't seem like a very good guy. Controlling relationships with jealous people rarely turn out well. Having just him and no friends is no good for your health and will make you depend on him more and more and make it harder for you to break away from him- as you are currently finding.

Go to the school you want to, move forward, reach for your dreams- and leave the jealous BF on the curb, where he belongs.
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post #16 of 25 Old 09-28-2011, 05:29 PM Thread Starter
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Location: North Dakota!
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Ok so I read all the posts and I really respect everyones opinions. I talked to him about it last night, and he agreed school is the best thing for me. I was like "whoa, wait, what?"

Anyways, we talked about it and I told him that it wasn't best for us to be together anymore since I was going to be away at school. I also told him that he has pushed me away because of his jealousy and controlling issues.

I am currently moving back in with my parents until I can get to school. I have started my online generals and plan to get to DSU asap. I have also found a place for my horses to go when I move to DSU, and it is in a small town nearby, so they will be close to me.

I may have sounded mean and immature to anyone that I lashed out at and I do apologize. It is hard for me to think of leaving someone I have been with for the past 4 years of my life.

Speed Racer, you are a very opinionated person, and I do respect that, so I am sorry I got snotty with you. :)

As for my horses, I told them all today that we would be going to a new home, and they all acted like they understood. Ha. Right.

Thanks everyone for your opinions, and I will update when I do move and update on what happens next in my life. :)
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post #17 of 25 Old 09-29-2011, 06:51 AM
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I'm glad you're doing what you want and moving forward with your life! I understand how thinking about leaving him may have been hard but I really think this is for the best. Congrats and I hope school and everything goes well!
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post #18 of 25 Old 09-29-2011, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone. I am headed down this weekend to look at some apartments, but am also heading to Bozeman, MT tomorrow afternoon. I need to get away from here for a few days and I have a good friend there, so we are going to meet up for the weekend.

It was hard thinking about leaving him, but then I thought about it harder and realized I already did it once, I can do it again. The worst part was the initial moving out part. After I got moved out and settled down, I was happier than I have been in a long time.

I am going to try to get into contact with some of the friends that he chased off and see if they will forgive me, if not, I will make new ones eventually.
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post #19 of 25 Old 09-29-2011, 02:33 PM
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Great to heard that you managed to make things work out.

It can take a lot of guts & backbone to walk out if you've long history with someone and you feel still love for him. Also what I've been told by women who've had men like that in their lives, those men are very skilled as to making you to be dependable on them. Remember that there is a guy who respects you in the future just waiting when you'll meet him.

I'm proud of you and sincerely wish that you manage to get those friends back .

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

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post #20 of 25 Old 09-30-2011, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
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Well last night, I made amends with one of the friends I was talking about. She lives about 50 miles away, and I text her and ask her if she wanted to go to dinner, and amazingly, she agreed. It will be a long road, but so worth it.

Also, Brock, the subject of this post, informed me last night that he is moving the beginning of Nov because he got a job on the oil rigs up in North Western ND. So, I will probably stay around here until I save enough money to move to Dickinson or somewhere in that area.

My life has just been so interesting these past couple of days!

My oldest brother lives in Florida, and since he knew of the problems we have been having, he asked me if I wanted to come down and see him. I was amazed and agreed. I am nervous though because I haven't seen him in about 10 years.

I also started chatting with my ex that lives in Washington. Nothing is going to happen between us, I am just glad we are friends again. We were together for three years, and when he left for the army, I broke up with him because I felt like he was abandoning me. I was 16 at the time, so I was young and dumb and that is probably the biggest mistake I have made in my life. He has forgiven me, and now we are friends again, which makes me super happy. He is coming home in February for leave before he goes back to Afghanistan, and wants to meet up and hang out. I'm really excited, and by then, I will probably be in Dickinson, so it should all work out nicely.
I thank everyone for their opinions.
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