Should I confront my fiancÚ about lying/being a jerk? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:25 PM Thread Starter
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Should I confront my fiancÚ about lying/being a jerk?

I am engaged to the most amazing guy. I love him to pieces, flaws and all, and nothing will ever change that. When we first started dating, he started exaggerating when telling stories then it turned into stretching the truth, then out came totally absurd stories that I've called him out on a couple of times (like HE pulled over a cop and the cop was all "yes sir" and "no sir" to I said, completely absurd) The past week I have found out 3 flat-out lies. The first one was he told me that the ring he proposed to me with was custom made by him and he had to go on a payment plan to afford it. I did research because I knew it wasn't true, and sure enough, the ring was $18. I don't care that I got an inexpensive ring, I really don't. I would rather him save money for our future then get me an expensive ring. What bothers me is the lie.
The other lies was the story behind the car accident he got into the other night. He told a different story to my mom, myself, and his mom. Of course girls talk and we all had different versions of the story. I caught him when he was in the middle of lying to me about it but I didn't say I knew that my mom got a different version. The lies and the false stories are to the point where I feel silly when I with him in public and he is doing this because everyone knows they are not true.
Onto the jerk part. The night of his car accident I had to take care of his dog. She is an outdoor dog and rather than have her tied out in the open where a coyote could get her, I thought I would tie her in the fenced in area that my goats are in. Well, she attacked the goats and when I was finally able to catch her I literally wanted to kill her. I felt horrible that something like that happened to my goats under my watch, but I thought I was doing something NICE for my fiancÚ and his dog. Well he blamed me and kept saying that it was stupid and was my fault, not his dog's. I know it was stupid. I didn't need him telling me that and also telling my mom that behind my back (once again girls talk).
The part about him being a jerk is really out of character for him. He's only started being like this and snapping at me for the past month or so. Normally he is such a sweet guy and would do anything for me and he makes me feel so special.
I know he is stressed as he lives with his grandpa and his grandpa is a total pr*ck to him. He is also trying to find work. Then he got I to the wreck and smashed his truck. So it could be that or the fact that he is 20 years old and is immature.
Whatever it is, it is really starting to get to me. What I said in the beginning of the (horribly long, sorry) rant is still true and always will be. That I love him flaws and all. I just don't know how to manage them. Any advice???
Wildfire89 is offline  
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post #2 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:30 PM
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If you aren't managing now, how will you manage for the next forty fifty sixty etc years of your life with the same person?

You need to sit him down and tell him that you love him for who he is and not someone he is making out to be.
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post #3 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:33 PM
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Run away. As far and as fast as you can. He's a compulsive liar and that's not going to change.

What about a lying, unemployed jerk who verbally abuses you is so wonderful that you believe he's 'the one'? He even lied to you about your engagement ring, for heaven's sake.

He sounds like a manipulative abuser to me. He'll only get worse if you marry him, not better. You making excuses for his behavior is a very BIG red flag. So what if his grandfather is King of the Asses to him? That doesn't give him any right to take it out on you.

But of course you'll ignore my advice and defend him, because he's soooo wonderful. Seen it a thousand times. I honestly hope you never need the number for the abused women's shelters in your area.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!

Last edited by Speed Racer; 08-15-2013 at 12:36 PM.
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post #4 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:34 PM
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All I will say is that lying about anything is a very slippery slope. Be careful.
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post #5 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:38 PM
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Having been happily married for over 35 yrs, I cannot imagine going into a marriage with ANYONE who lies or is a jerk and EVER tells me I am stupid. AS we age, our traits tend to becomes more pronounced not this will NOT get better with age.

I think you should do some very real thinking about marrying this guy. Believe me there are better ones out there. Not someone I would even have as a friend, no less a husband.

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franknbeans is offline  
post #6 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:39 PM
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Run away. He's got something wrong with him that makes him think what he's doing is okay. Like mentally wrong.

You do not manage a person's flaws. When a person's flaws require an outside party to manage them, those flaws are unhealthy. You shouldn't have to manage his flaws. You either accept him or not. I hope you vote for not.
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DancingArabian is offline  
post #7 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:41 PM
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Don't even bother talking to him, it is not worth the effort. As others have said, run as far and as fast as you can!

Never look back!
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post #8 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:42 PM Thread Starter
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The lying is literally the only thing I have to complain about. The being a jerk, well, he is human, and I'm sure I'm a jerk at times, too.
Other than the lying he is great. We both love animals, have the same interests, he and my parents get along GREAT, and he treats me like a princess. He is 20 and I am 24. Usually the things he lies about are done so in a way that if true, would make him look better. Like an expensive ring, saying the wreck wasn't his fault, etc. and it could be because I am 4 years older than him that he feels he needs to "make up" for the age gap by making himself look/sound older.
Just a though I had...

He is a very hard worker. He has had jobs and I know it's not a lie that he works because I have seen proof and gone with him to different jobs. He enjoys working. He also works for my parents helping to manage our 31 acre farm. When he is in between other jobs he will put in 4-12 hours a day for my parents.
He is not unemployed by choice.
Wildfire89 is offline  
post #9 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:43 PM
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I'm seeing Red Flags flying everywhere, run and don't stop to look back. I've run into plenty of guys like this and their personal life is never pretty. They'll admit to plenty being wrong but to a man it's always the woman's fault. The lying wont stop, most are cheaters and physically/verbally abusive. In short, they don't respect women but they are very good at making women fall for them.

Let me be frank here, you'll end up hating the guy in less than 5 years and want a divorce. Unfortunately you'll likely have kids by then so walking away wont exactly be easy. Even if you do put your big girl panties on for a divorce, with kids you'll never totally get away.
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post #10 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 12:50 PM
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"other than lying he is great......" REALLY? Lying is HUGE. When you are in a marriage, trust is paramount. How can you possibly ever trust this guy? Stop making excuses. You sound like a "fixer" to me, and he will NOT change. Yes, he will most likely be a cheater...because telling girls he is single makes him look good too (in his mind) you know.


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