Should I confront my fiancÚ about lying/being a jerk? - Page 12 - The Horse Forum
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post #111 of 116 Old 09-03-2013, 03:59 PM Thread Starter
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Things are getting better. I have been talking to his mom about it and she's been helping me address the lies. She said that the lying started when he was little. He never did it to hurt anyone, apparently his dad had an anger problem and so Troy would lie to not get in as much trouble. So there's that and she said he has self-esteem issues and never feels good enough so he lies to make himself look better and to be liked better.
I have been encouraging Troy and I've noticed less lying. When I have noticed inconsistencies I have asked him about them.
So I think we're on the right path.

Oh, and his truck is just a normal truck. 6 years old, Toyota tundra, normal tires/rims, normal stereo, etc. The truth about the accident was that it was his fault. He was trying to say that it was the other persons fault.
He admitted to starting to lie about it once I confronted him.

Last edited by Wildfire89; 09-03-2013 at 04:02 PM.
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post #112 of 116 Old 09-04-2013, 12:45 AM
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Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards fixing it. I hope things continue improving and don't backtrack for your sake. Thanks for giving us the update!
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post #113 of 116 Old 09-04-2013, 01:10 AM
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You have to build his ego up so he doesn't feel the need to lie to you?

I still say that you need to leave the guy in the dirt. I can picture this relationship in 5 years' time, and it isn't pretty.

I'm not going to waste my fingers typing out a long response, it won't matter. You can't fix this dude. You aren't his mother, it isn't your job to hold his hand through learning not to lie "as much" - he's a grown man. You deserve better.
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post #114 of 116 Old 09-05-2013, 01:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildfire89 View Post
Things are getting better. I have been talking to his mom about it and she's been helping me address the lies. She said that the lying started when he was little. He never did it to hurt anyone, apparently his dad had an anger problem and so Troy would lie to not get in as much trouble. So there's that and she said he has self-esteem issues and never feels good enough so he lies to make himself look better and to be liked better.
I have been encouraging Troy and I've noticed less lying. When I have noticed inconsistencies I have asked him about them.
So I think we're on the right path.

Oh, and his truck is just a normal truck. 6 years old, Toyota tundra, normal tires/rims, normal stereo, etc. The truth about the accident was that it was his fault. He was trying to say that it was the other persons fault.
He admitted to starting to lie about it once I confronted him.
Don't hate me for what I'm about to say but...

1) if his dad had that bad of an anger issue, that he intimidated his son to the point he felt he HAD to lie, he should have been going to anger management for it.

2) low self esteem is a complicated issue but the best time to fix it is in childhood when the brain is still developing/maturing did nobody build him up during this time? did nobody encourage him and complement him then?

and 3) keep at it, it'll be worth it but it'll likely be a long hard process, self esteem issues like I said before are complicated matters and once bad self esteem becomes ingrained it's hard to reverse but it CAN happen

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post #115 of 116 Old 09-05-2013, 01:44 AM
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Okay, I am not trying to be poopy or anything, but I just have a hard time believing this story. I mean, seriously? If true, then, no...you can't fix it. If pathological lying doesn't bother you, it shouldn't be a problem.

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
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post #116 of 116 Old 09-05-2013, 02:01 AM
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I should probably add that the lying thing will probably never fully go away and that compulsive liars are NOT fun to be around I know one and she had burned so many bridges and destroyed so many friendships it's not even funny, one day she's going to find herself alone and have nobody but herself to blame. Sad thing is, aside from lying about every other thing she's actually a nice girl but she ruins her personality with her lies.

Equestrianism; 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain and 100% reason to remember you're absolutely insane to be riding a beast that big.
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