Should I confront my fiancé about lying/being a jerk? - Page 3 - The Horse Forum

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post #21 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 01:18 PM
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He has very low self esteem and probably some underlying mental disorder.
Stop making excuses for his behavior.
You need to evaluate yourself and IMO improve your own self esteem. You sound very co dependent .
If he gets treatment he might change.
However at his age certain Mental disorders start to become apparent.
Serious ones that if untreated can become very big problems and some of the things you are describing are symptoms.
Step back and take a look at yourself. Ask yourself why do I feel the need to continue in a relationship with so much against it. Shalom
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post #22 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 01:20 PM
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I know none of these responses were exactly what you were hoping for, but there are so many woman who have fallen victim to your type of boy. I say boy because a man doesn't have to use those tactics to be a man.

I give my wife a hard time when she makes a foolish mistake that causes us financial hardship and you can bet your sweet butt she will return the favor when I have a lapse in judgement. We DO NOT ridicule or belittle one another in the process. I have not lied to her about anything to make myself look better. I am who I am and if we were going to have a long life together then she needed to have all of me known to decide if I was worthy of being next to her in 60 years.

I am Second
Born Once, Die Twice. Born Twice, Die Once.
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post #23 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 01:22 PM
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When I was 20 I made the very stupid mistake of marrying a guy who was a compulsive liar. It wasn't pretty.

I too was where you are, believing that he was so sweet and wonderful and the times I caught him lying were just little, isolated instances. When other people warned me about his compulsive lying they just didn't understand him, they were treating him wrong, they were lying... any excuse to take blame away from him in my mind. He was the type of liar who truly believed his own lies (mentally unstable) which made him so very convincing. He could look you in the eyes and tell you something you knew was a lie, but make you want to believe him. And it was not just me who felt this way when he lied.

Things escalated very quickly after we got married, it went from just the lies to him being controlling and manipulative. Then can the mental and emotional abuse. Then came the day where out of the blue he grabbed me by the neck, shoved me up against the wall and told me how easy it would be to snap my neck. That's when I got out, but even then it was not easy to get away. His lying then manifested itself again when he told all of my friends and family that I was a horrible person who was too insecure to be loved by a man as loving as he was, had treated him unfairly and was on a downhill slope to becoming a hooker. And guess what: even my family believed his lies for awhile.

I'm not saying all this to try to scare you, but to try to make you understand that the lying is a very, very big deal and it will get worse as time goes on, not better. If you won't leave this guy, please have a very long engagement (I'm talking 2 years at least) and live with him during that time. See what kind of behavior comes out when he is truly comfortable with you and believes he has control over you. It probably won't be pretty.
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post #24 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 01:24 PM
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I dated a guy for 5 years who lied about so many things it makes my head hurt just thinking about it.

The last straw was when I wasn't getting my child support checks. I knew my daughters father had been working full time for several months and he insisted the money was being taken out weekly by the state, yet I had not received one check.

I had found a piece of a state envelope (they were an orange color). So I called the child support services department and low and behold they had been sending me out checks weekly for $105. For almost 6 months that lying piece of crap had been cashing the checks and going to the casino with his buddies.

When I confronted him he got all defensive and had the gall to say that he deserved that money since he dropped my daughter off at school everyday.

I told him he had 2 hours to get his crap and get out of my house. He then proceeded to hit me which ended with him being taken to the hospital.
No man will hit me and get away with it. I opended up a can of whoop arse on him that he will never forget. I love rolling pins. Busted up three of his ribs and right knee. Mind you he was around 325lbs and I was a good 250lbs so we were not small people.

So OP run from this guy he will always lie and it will just get worse.

Lying is a very very serious thing and not one to take lightly, I don't care how much you say you love him.
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post #25 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 01:45 PM
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Why are you marrying this guy?

Run away now.
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post #26 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 01:51 PM
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My advice-RUN from a liar! More bad stuff will come if you marry this guy. I'm not good at picking men, but I made sure to never have any children by them, as I knew they were not anybody I wanted in my life for the rest of it. Yes, I'm married-for 11 years now, but being around him is tough & I'm very good at keeping my mouth shut when his temper flares. I'm not sure which one of us will die first, but in my dreams I hope for a few peaceful years w/out him, but I'm eight years older, so who knows-my cancer could come back, or he could have a bad asthma attack. Life's a journey, & we all have our crosses to bear.
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post #27 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 01:53 PM
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There's always divorce, Cacow. You don't need to stay married to someone you despise. If you say you're dependent on his money, I may scream.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!
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post #28 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 01:55 PM
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Everyine is saying to run, and I do agree. But lets be realistic- you probably wont. Sit him down and tell him that unless he stops lying the wedding is in risk. Tell him that you love him for who he is and that you don't need him to lie to make hinself sound better. Life is life and **** happens. Now be careful, because lying like that is very very very bad. Please stop making excuses for him, sit him down, tell him everything on your mind, and if you catch him lying again even after that "intervention" your going to have, tell him its over and send him flying out the door. Its hard, but the truth hurts. People who lie shouldn't have the right to be with good people like you, and making you kicking him out (if it does happen) will be a wake up call, but maybe not. Don't let him make up excuses, he needs to apologize and promise to never lie again. This is your happiness and the rest of your life in danger. Good Luck xxx

People say to hold on tight to what you love-
especially when it's trying to buck you off
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post #29 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 01:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cacowgirl View Post
My advice-RUN from a liar! More bad stuff will come if you marry this guy. I'm not good at picking men, but I made sure to never have any children by them, as I knew they were not anybody I wanted in my life for the rest of it. Yes, I'm married-for 11 years now, but being around him is tough & I'm very good at keeping my mouth shut when his temper flares. I'm not sure which one of us will die first, but in my dreams I hope for a few peaceful years w/out him, but I'm eight years older, so who knows-my cancer could come back, or he could have a bad asthma attack. Life's a journey, & we all have our crosses to bear.
Why do you stay married to someone that you hope will die so you can have some peace?!
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post #30 of 116 Old 08-15-2013, 02:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cacowgirl View Post
My advice-RUN from a liar! More bad stuff will come if you marry this guy. I'm not good at picking men, but I made sure to never have any children by them, as I knew they were not anybody I wanted in my life for the rest of it. Yes, I'm married-for 11 years now, but being around him is tough & I'm very good at keeping my mouth shut when his temper flares. I'm not sure which one of us will die first, but in my dreams I hope for a few peaceful years w/out him, but I'm eight years older, so who knows-my cancer could come back, or he could have a bad asthma attack. Life's a journey, & we all have our crosses to bear.
Divorce is easier to plan than death.
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