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So guys...or girls..

This is a discussion on So guys...or girls.. within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        03-29-2010, 04:28 PM
    Here is my opinion..

    I think this was taken WAY too seriously. Its a pubic forum and I don't see why it matter if I join that forum, another forum, or a forum on porn. I have done nothing to embarrass him, or anything else.

    If I want to join as a joke, or because I actually want to learn more about Mercedes, I don't see what the big deal is.

    I think its extremely childish.
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        03-29-2010, 04:30 PM
    I see it as a respect and boundary issue, Lucara.

    I really wouldn't like it if my SO joined a horse board, especially since I know he's not into horses. Regardless of whether or not it was done as a 'joke', I'd wonder why he wanted to push my buttons.

    I don't say anything on a BB that I wouldn't say in public, because the interwebz isn't anonymous in any way, shape or form.

    If you want to post private, secret things, don't do it on a public forum. Having a user name doesn't make you truly unknown. There are ways to get your information from your ISP.

    So if you don't want things being posted out there for God & everybody to see, keep it truly private. 'Cause the 'net is really just one big, information dump.

    If you're fighting over this, I truly believe you have underlying issues that you need to clear up with each other.

    JMHO, and it's worth what you paid for it.
        03-29-2010, 04:40 PM
    To me, it may not necessarily be about his "trying to hide" anything or talking about inappropriate things, but about having his own space to discuss things he enjoys with like-minded people. Maybe to him it felt like you were trying to check up on him or butt into his space.

    That is certainly not a subject to fight over--just explain calmly what you were doing and why and ask him why it bothers him. Be prepared to LISTEN to him, not just let him talk while you fume and prepare your next argument. Give in nicely if it's something that really matters to him--if you feel you have to battle, pick the battles that are really meaningful to expend your energy on.

    But, if he can't give a good reason for wanting you off there and only gets angry when you ask him nicely about it, you might consider if he is really the right person for you or not...
        03-29-2010, 06:08 PM
    Green Broke
    ^^ I agree. 100%. I can see it very much from both sides, but I know it's something I am hypersensitive about right now due to my recent experiences. I had joined a website (not so much a forum, more an article board - on dogs) some time back, and later found out my (now ex) fiance joined. I didn't think too much of it to start with, other than thinking it was a little weird, because when I started talking dogs, he'd start rolling his eyes at me because he'd heard it all before and didn't find it terribly interesting. Then he started posting articles, word for word things I had said to him myself, and speaking about me within those articles in a very possessive way.

    It seemed to spiral into bigger issues from there. He went from joining that board, to wanting to check MY account from that board (to see if I was receiving pms) to wanting to check my email account - by the time I left him, he was checking my email account 10 times a day - about 9 times more a day than I checked it! He obviously had major trust issues - and since I had done nothing to cause any trust issues, I ultimately concluded he was having some problem with transferred guilt. A big part of this is what led to our break up.

    If you have suspicions about him, approach him directly, don't play magnum PI. If you don't have suspicions, then leave him to it - allow him to have a grown up conversation about something he is passionate about, with people who are of like mind. Sometimes people need to be able to have adult conversation with someone of like mind - something we should all understand, being at this forum!

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