I enlisted hoping to make a difference, to protect my country, my loved ones. I knew I could, and probably would deploy, see combat, and I was ready, I embraced it.
I enlisted on my 17th birthday, before my senior year.
I went to basic and was told I'm going to deploy.I went to AIT and was told I was going to deploy. Okay bring it. Then I got my orders for Hawaii.at first I was like, okay, people deploy from there all the time.
Now I've been here for 8 months, with no guarentee of ever deploying.
My friends are all deployed out of hood to Iraq, and Afghanistan. One of them just came here from Iraq for block leave. Seeing him, he's the same as he always was in AIT, but he's been over there. He's seen things, done things I can only hope to do.
I feel so incompetent next to them. I put on my uniform and feel fake, I don't feel worthy of standing next to them, when I haven't even been in combat, and they're getting ready to go back.
My friend is excited to go, and I can't even keep my head together in Hawaii, its supposed to be paradise here, but I feel like I'm in a prison.I know my job here is important, but all I want to do is be deployed with my brothers, to fight by their sides and have their backs. I got a taste of that bond, that brother/sisterhood in basic and I crave it.
And I know that's selfish. Here I am able to talk to my family everyday, never in danger, sleeping in my own bed at night
Am I wrong to want this so much?