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post #11 of 23 Old 02-17-2014, 09:41 PM
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I never spent much time with my father until he also developed cancer and was given a very poor prognosis. I felt very badly because I never really knew him as I should and I simply never took the time. I finally found that I was bathing myself in self pity rather than using those hours to spend with him. I went to the hospital everyday and it was difficult at first just being in that environment. I quickly looked past that around me and I only saw my dad. I asked him every question I ever had and told him of every secret I had ever held. It was a tremendous time for me.
It was a gift.
It's funny in a way, but I think of him more now than before and I also speak to him more. It's like having a loved one who lives far away. He will always be here.

Please take time to learn of her life, because her life is yours. It's her gift to you.
I know it is hard , but I hope you do see this as a very special opportunity to gather memories that you will remember forever.

All the best. . . .
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post #12 of 23 Old 02-17-2014, 10:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khainon View Post
i have alreeady been thinking about all of this...also...its just me my mom and my sister...thats all..and my sister is not talking to me...she is mad at me that i will not move to where my mom is to take care of her....my sister is..shes giving up her career and moving from ohio to anaheim to do it...but shes holding it against me that i cant...so...i have no other family to turn to at this point...
I know it's hard, but your going to have to make it work. I can see why she would be upset, up rooting your entire life to take care of your sick mother is a monumental task. Don't throw in the towel yet, try to empathize with her a little and get involved. If you don't you will likely regret it in the end.
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post #13 of 23 Old 02-17-2014, 11:52 PM
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I don't even know what to tell you, except that I am so sorry this is happening to you. Stay strong. <3 Sometimes, it is near impossible to uproot your life like that, and I think the shock of the news was probably a big part of your sister's reaction. Give her time. You both need time to absorb what is happening and to be able to think with a little more clarity.

Spend as much time as you can with your mom and your family. It's not a bad thing that your mother and you do not always get along. It doesn't mean you love her any less, and just because your sister is mad doesn't mean she loves you any less either. Also, staying positive is truly one of the best things you can do. Miracles DO happen. And if you stay positive, you will learn a lot of things about life simply from spending time with your mom and family. Also focus on the positives in your life. I know that is a hard thing to do when your mom is going through such a rough experience, but it will help you stay positive about her condition and to prevent you from going into a depression. Embrace the good times.

Sending healing prayers for all.

Rusty - a miracle horse Knight - my golden oldie
Vlogging about Midwest trail riding here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_u...tIjwnOxjKzOfjA
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post #14 of 23 Old 02-18-2014, 02:36 AM Thread Starter
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i spoke to my mom..i want to go see her and spend time with her..maybe even bring her to see my horses..as she is the one that introduced me to horses and taught me everything i know since i was 5....but she is not well and spends alot of time sleeping and does not want me coming over yet...so i am going to be sending her pictures of me and my horses to maybe help cheer her up...i know it sounds stupid and useless as my sister has already told me...but it is all i can do...
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post #15 of 23 Old 02-18-2014, 06:08 AM
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Sorry to hear your sad news. Doctors do not know everything-hope is essential. If your Mom is in Anaheim, & you are in Lancaster (CA), that is not that far-much closer than Ohio-, so I really don't get your sister's problem. And for whatever reason, nursing/caretaking usually falls to the females in the family. My Mom lived w/me for the last four years of her life-dementia- & the last year I had to quit my job as she needed round the clock care.
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post #16 of 23 Old 02-18-2014, 07:51 AM
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Try to be tough, if your mum is willing to fight it, and has yours, and your sisters support, there might be a good chance she will do alright. The doctors can tell you what those chances are. My dad got cancer, lung and kidneys. he lived life hard and fast and had no intentions of sticking it out when he got the diagnosis. that was his way and he did everything he could to check out as fast as he could. If your mum is willing to fight it out, from the little I know about it, just that puts up the odds in her favor from the outset. Just give her all the support you can.

Your sister will probably be mad, try not to hold it against her, as things settle down she will come round I think. the initial news of it can get everyone emotional, as you know now, but as things settle, and if can you all get into the routine of dealing with it she will probably come to understand, just be there for her when she needs the support, and she will need it, as you will.

It really does suck, it isn't fair, especially if your mother never smoked, my dad smoked like a chimney, and drank like a fish so it wasn't a huge surprise when it happened. there's nothing to say that will make you feel better now, but I guess just remember you aren't alone, you can talk to people here, talk to me if you want, I went through it win my dad, so I know how it feels. good luck with it and remember you aren't alone.
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post #17 of 23 Old 02-18-2014, 09:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khainon View Post
i spoke to my mom..i want to go see her and spend time with her..maybe even bring her to see my horses..as she is the one that introduced me to horses and taught me everything i know since i was 5....but she is not well and spends alot of time sleeping and does not want me coming over yet...so i am going to be sending her pictures of me and my horses to maybe help cheer her up...i know it sounds stupid and useless as my sister has already told me...but it is all i can do...
I think that is a lovely idea. A mother loves to see her children happy and enjoying what life has to offer. The point that she introduced you to the world of the horse is even more meaningful.

Give your sister some time, you guys will have only each other someday. While she is making an enormous change in her life, she can't expect you or anyone else to be able to do that. I have learned to except what my siblings are able to do for our parents and what they can't. It seems that there is usually one person that is the one that is central and has that daily or weekly contact. In my family it is me, but my brother and sister do what they can and I appreciate that. The funny thing here is I live further away then they do, but my schedule allows me more flexibility to take our parents to doctor appts ect... That's just life.

Another thing that she might enjoy is something I use to do with my son when he lived away. I would write him a letter, I called it having a cup of tea with him, and chat about so many little things of interest. He would continue his part of the "chat" and I still have those letters. One I even framed as it meant so much to me.

Just let her know in what ever way you can that she is in your life and heart. That is everything to a parent.
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Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh crap, she's up!".
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post #18 of 23 Old 02-18-2014, 10:57 AM
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So sorry to hear this. My grandmother died when I was younger from lung cancer and she never smoked a day in her life either. Life surely isn't fair. Just know we are all here for you.

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post #19 of 23 Old 02-18-2014, 11:05 AM
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Aw man! I am so sorry to hear such news! Take it one day at a time, and don't let what other people say get to you. Remember that while your sister is not being super supportive of you, she is going through the same thing you are. Everyone deals with things differently, and she may not even realize she is hurting you. Try to continue to be positive, negativity never makes a situation better. If you need to vent, feel free to send me a message. Hugs!
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post #20 of 23 Old 02-18-2014, 12:08 PM
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In the big scheme of things, our time here is short. It's not how much time you've got, it's what you do with the time you have.

Just do what ever you can to enjoy the time she's got left. When it's over, then think fondly of the past when you think of her.

I know the situation sucks, but at least you've got time to say the things you want to say to her. My mother fell over dead back in 83. There was no good bye, no I love you mom, and no time to reflect between ourselves.

Make the best of it because in some ways the time you have left with her is a gift.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
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