Struggling with friendship - The Horse Forum
 
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post #1 of 6 Old 12-04-2012, 12:26 AM Thread Starter
Weanling
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Mississippi
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Struggling with friendship

Does anyone have a person in their life that you want to be friends with, and you try, but there just isn't any connection going?

There is this woman that I have known for about 4 years now, we met because she offered babysitting in her home and after interviewing her and what not, I let her keep my little girl. She only watched her for about two years, until she started preschool, but we stayed in touch. She's a very nice, very caring person...she has two kids (15 and 6) that are just the sweetest kids ever, her youngest and my daughter are good friends, her husband and mine get along great and we have them over fairly often to cook out...or we're invited to their house. When everyone is together it's all fine and good, but she's asked off and on to meet up for lunch or whatever, and that's where the issue is. I've met with her several times, and we just have nothing to talk about. We have zero in common. I have tried to include her in some of my daily outings or even go out for mani/pedis, just anything really, and it's like she'll just never answer. She has made comments about me working out and how we should work out together, and I'm like yeah...come on, let's do it...but then it never happens. It's getting to a point that I really don't care to be around her one-on-one, it's just uncomfortable.

There are lots of other nit-picky things that I could go on about, but that's the major of it. I'm just confused I guess, too, on what kind of friendship she wants with me. Part of me wonders if she wants a friendship, but then she'll asks me to do things with her. Normally even when said day comes it just doesn't happen. I'll text her and she never replies, and here I am with time set aside to do something with her when I could be out riding my horse or shopping or whatever.
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post #2 of 6 Old 12-04-2012, 12:37 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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Sometimes I've found that if a friendship is no longer mutually beneficial that it will fizzle out.....it's awkward, but deep down inside you are both going to probably breath a sigh of relief when you quit trying to forge a friendship 'just because'......

The only friendships I tend to keep going are the ones with my horsey pals where we can actually do other stuff without talking about horses or riding and still have fun!

And of course there are a few of the near and dears who we never forget or lose touch with
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post #3 of 6 Old 12-04-2012, 01:00 AM
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It sounds like you're all enjoying the group outings. Maybe she feels obligated to try and socialize with you one-on-one?

* I'm often reading and posting from mobile and Siri loves to make a mockery of the English language.
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post #4 of 6 Old 12-04-2012, 01:07 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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I have found that trying to be friendly w people that I have nothing in common with is a chore, why bother? There is no excuse for poor manners, either. To set a date to do "x" and not have it materialize w/o a reason it just inconsiderate and rude. IMO, you should skip struggling to be friends w this individual.

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
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post #5 of 6 Old 12-04-2012, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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I have thought that maybe she felt obligated to try and do something alone, but I don't know. I know that in the beginning I really did want to try to get to know her one-on-one, I figured that I could find one thing that we could at least talk about, but there is just nothing there. I guess it bothers me because I'm the type that can talk to anyone. I'm not this big bright and bubbly personality that knows no stranger, but I have never had any issues talking to people and finding some common interest no matter how small it is. And we do have some common interests, but getting her to talk about anything when it's just us is a struggle. It's almost like she needs her family around to make her secure enough to open up. It's not even opening up about personal things, it could just be about her dogs.

But yeah, it is starting to feel like a chore and I don't like it. And standing me up for stuff is about on my last nerve. That is really why all of this is on my mind. She and I were supposed to take the kids to a movie Sunday, she called and asked me if I would like to go. I actually had loose plans to do something else if the weather was nice, but I told her that I would go and I would take her to this daquiri place after that she's been asking me about. Sunday comes and I wait and wait. I text her. She text me back and asked me what I wanted to see and what time, I text her back what my DD would sit through (she's 4) and told her times and I never heard nothing back. I still haven't heard from her. I'm just so aggravated, and venting. Normally with anyone else I would just cut the "friendship" off and be done, but when it's our families combined it's really nice.
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post #6 of 6 Old 12-04-2012, 12:30 PM
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
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That is just very weird. But none of us knows what goes on behind the closed doors of other people's lives. Building a friendship can be quite trying,especially when the other person is sending mixed signals. What happened on Sunday is very confusing.
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