Suicide loss - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 12:22 AM
Green Broke
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I know it doesn't really help, but I really am sorry for you and your family.
Like Dreams said, just don't shut down and bottle everything up. You and your family will get through this. It just takes time and you have each other.

So in lies the madness, the pursuit of the impossible in the face of the complete assurance that you will fail, and yet still you chase.
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post #22 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 12:25 AM
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as I've mentioned on the forum several times I have friends who have thought about, planned or even attempted suicide and I'm blessed and thankful none of them have actually taken their lives. I have no idea what I'd do if they did my friends are my life, it kills me that they can't see the positive in themselves, even if it's only sometimes. If this is how I feel knowing the thought of suicide has gone through their head, I can't imagine the pain if they actually went through with it.

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post #23 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 12:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Samstead View Post
mind explaining that wouldn't that be a suicide attempt since you survived it?
No I actually died. Flat lined. Due to my mental illnesses I wasn't able to have a DNR put on myself so they did what was necessary to try to bring me back and, well, here I am! I'm not going to put my story out there on this thread because I don't think that'd be appropriate, but if anyone is curious or needs to talk I'm free to PM!
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post #24 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 01:28 AM
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Hero, as you know my brother took his life 5 years ago. My heart still aches for him. Holidays will never be the same without him. My brother suffered from depression and bipolar disorder. His girlfriend at the time, who was an RN had convinced him he didn't need to take his Zoloft, it was just a "poison"!!! I am also a nurse and she gives nurses a bad name!! This is all I will say about her, because as I'm sure you can imagine I have nothing good to say about her!!

I also lost a very close friend 9 years ago to carbon monoxide poisoning. He read his boys a bed time story, tucked them in, kissed his wife good night and told her he had some work to do. He went downstairs paid the bills, caught everything up to date, then went to the garage turned on the car and sat in it and feel asleep. He never woke up.
He had called me numerous times months before and told me his wife ( my good friend) was very depressed and I needed to call her and check on her, of course I would and she would seem fine. He had me check on her at least 5 or 6 times in 2 months (they lived in Wisconsin and I lived in Missouri at the time). We would normally talk 1 or 2 times a month, our kids were small and we were busy. But we now know he was preparing for his suicide. He made made sure I was ready to care for her. He hid letters for her around the house, she didn't find all of them until she moved a few years later. We were all in the medical field, so he knew exactly what to say to keep everyone thinking he was OK, but he was honest in the letters. That was very hard for her. If he would have been honest before, maybe he would still be here.

Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to share another story for you Hero.

I'm still here for you if you need anything.
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post #25 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 01:51 AM
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Suicide is a very selfish act and the loved ones left behind are left wondering why, and what they could have done.
The answer to the first question is only your brother truly knows and the second is nothing.
going to counseling is great and a step in the right direction. It will not be easy and some things may be brought up that are uncomfortable.
your brothers anger is not yours or your families.
A word of caution children of a parent that has taken their own life are more likely to do the same.
may I suggest individual counseling for your nephew. He is vulnerable and will be for a while.
Good luck and keep talking about it and the affects his death has on your whole family.
Remember this also whatever turmoil he was dealing with is now over.
he is at peace. I hope your family finds peace as well. Shalom Donald
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post #26 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 04:38 AM
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Just a few months, one of my very good friends. She's been their for me through a lot of things, she phoned me at work bawling. Her dad had hung himself from the basketball hoop in the backyard while the grandparents were taking a nap. The worst part of it was that it was her sisters birthday. He knew that it was the daughters birthday, and he still did it. I immediately started crying on the phone. There really isn't anything anybody can say to comfort anybody.

He had problem for years, I know he'd done drugs, had a bit of gambling debt. I thought things were getting better for him. He'd even started seeing a counselor.

He drank a bottle of Robitussin before he did it.

I've pretty much gone through all of her thoughts with this, and I can just imagine all the thoughts, questions that go through your head. I lost my dad almost two years ago, it's hard enough losing a parent but from a suicide is just the worst of it all.

It's not fair to anybody to have to deal with such a loss in a way. I just want to hug everybody who has to deal with this.
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post #27 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 10:04 AM Thread Starter
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I feel as if suicide is an epidemic, that needs to be speak of and out of the darkness.
After reading the other members you have loss someone to suicide which I am sorry for all your guys loss as well.

Therapy is a given for my family, as many of you said there is nothing we can change that would of made my brother change his mind. But I am still holding a lot of guilt, last night I was trying to go to bed but was having a serious panic attack while thinking of the few things I could of done differently. I have aniexty and depression as well and they have become worse which I would expect that.

As for what MsLady said my brother did seem like he was preparing for suicide months before hand. He was making a lot of things right with the family but at the time it seemed like nice gestures. He asked a lot of odd questions but we didn't think anything of it.

I don't want another person to go through this. It's awful.

Chad Barnes 6-16-85~7-22-13
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post #28 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 10:13 AM
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OP the emotions you are feeling are normal. The guilt you are dealing with will pass if you continue to discuss the death of your brother.
Yes suicide is far far too common.
You are taking the rights steps to heal. Your pain may never go away but you can lessen the pain and replace it with memories of your brother that are pleasant.
Good luck my friend. Shalom Donald
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post #29 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 11:19 AM
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my aunt when i was 4, i only remember leaving my dad at the airport for her funeral though. and one of my close friends right before i started college. that was tough. the anniversary was yesterday.
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post #30 of 74 Old 08-23-2013, 11:25 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss. My brother tried to kill himself several years ago. He was in a bad marriage and has since been divorced and seems happier and like his old self. I still worry about him every day, though. It was not his first attempt but his wife did not bother to tell us the first time.
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