My brother also committed suicide. He was the baby of the family, and he was beautiful. Tall, very handsome, very clever. He was ADORED by my parents. He never was required to take responsibility for his actions - given everything my sister and I had to work for (first car, insurance, etc). He grew older and never grew up. He would wreck his car, they'd get him a new one. Paid his insurance, paid his phone, bought him food and clothes. He bummed off my parents for fifteen years past high school, did drugs, grew dreadlocks in his hair, worked jobs until he didn't - eventually my parents got fed up and tried to kick him out. He told them he would be gone in the morning. They left for the weekend and he hung himself in my parents garage.
His girlfriend found him.
He was 36.
I am sorry to hear of your loss - I was very upset at my brother. Now, years later - I realize he was just completely lost and didn't know how to start over. It was just easier to opt out. Your pain will subside and you'll remember all the good times without it being tinged with other feelings.... best of luck to you.