I've been struggling a whole lot since becoming horseless, with just everyday life, basically. Honestly I can't think of any aspect of my life that hasn't been negatively affected.
I've always considered horses to be my therapy, so now without them I'm having a lot of trouble moving forward. I can't get myself to push to get a job, my relationships are having a lot more trouble, basically I've gotten nothing done and been spiraling downward for months.
Now, I'm not suicidal at all. I don't self-harm (I struggled with this for years before, but haven't at all in years, don't even really have the desire to at this point in my life), drink, do drugs, or anything else like that to self-medicate. Depression runs strongly in my family, and I don't doubt that some form of depression has reared its ugly head at several points throughout my life.
I am just not comfortable with the idea of medication. I'm not willing to go that route unless I were to become suicidal, and I'm not. I'm just very much in a slump (which all started with a long line of long-term injuries that left me bed-ridden for about a year and had strange mental effects on me) and haven't been able to get back on the horse no matter how hard I try.
I'm wondering if I should see a therapist even if I'm unwilling to go on medication. What can they actually do for me? I realize that probably sounds like a silly question to some, but I've only ever had terrible experiences with therapists. My parents' health care plan...don't get me wrong, I'm glad we have it, but I've yet to see a single doctor that actually helped me with anything, physical or mental. The therapists I went to were just hungry to diagnose me with this and that thing that I obviously do not have (or at least not badly enough to have much of any effect on my life), rather than actually addressing the problems I went there for.
Because of this, I have no idea what to do. We're not made of money, and especially at this age when I should be becoming more self-sufficient, I don't want to ask them to not only see a therapist but to see one outside of our coverage plan. I know they'd want to help me and would understand, but that would be really expensive. I honestly don't know if we can afford it.
I'm really not sure what to do, because I have no idea if I can get past these problems on my own. What can I do?