For those of you who have been "bashed" on any threads
 
 

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For those of you who have been "bashed" on any threads

This is a discussion on For those of you who have been "bashed" on any threads within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category
  • What can you do when town is being bashed on facebook

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    04-15-2014, 12:50 PM
  #1
Foal
For those of you who have been "bashed" on any threads

Whether it's Twitter, Facebook, message boards or chat rooms, the Internet seems to be a magnet for nasty comments -- and few result in real-world consequences. But why are people so mean on the Internet?
The root, it seems, may lie deep within the human psyche. The majority of communication is non-verbal, composed of body language, eye contact, speech tone and language patterns. Without this information to help us process and categorize information, our minds are left to sort through the uncertain. And, thanks to a leftover prehistoric penchant for fight or flight, being unsure about another person's intent often creates a negative reaction to a perceived threat [source: Gardner].
By continually presenting only our "best selves" online and reaping the emotional benefits of lots of "likes" on Facebook for instance, psychologists say our self-esteem may bloom disproportionately -- and negatively impact self-control. The result? You'll feel entitled to be an online meanie. Experts also posit that people sometimes actually forget that they're speaking out loud when they post a snarky comment -- writing something from a smartphone almost seems like you're talking only to yourself [source: Bernstein].
This lack of inhibition also may be connected to a physical distance from the people to whom comments are directed. Turns out, the closer physical proximity you have to someone, the less likely you are to be mean-spirited. For example, one recent study found game show contestants were less likely to vote off a contestant standing next to them than one standing further away [source: Dallas].
But here's an unexpected consequence: Lobbing snarky comments online -- even if no one knows your real identity -- could be bad for your health.
     
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    04-15-2014, 01:09 PM
  #2
Weanling
Red Rose you have a point, I was on another forum and found a lot of negativity and unfriendly comments. I don't go there anymore because of that. It's nice when someone is asking for help or advice to give it in a positive way. I sure hope I do that and don't come across as critical or overbearing. On this forum I have noticed a lot of experienced, knowledgeable horse people who are willing to share this knowledge with others, there is a vast amount of good information here. I learn every day.
Remali, tinyliny and kiltsrhott like this.
     
    04-15-2014, 01:34 PM
  #3
Foal
I see it quite a bit on these forums. Sad to say. I just don't understand why people can't just say, "you can try this or you can try that...." DON"T start telling people that they don't know horses or their horse is spoiled rotten.
Because people on these boards really DON"T know the other person's horse. I try and help when I can and I'll give my own experiences and what has helped me. If I feel like I have nothing to offer and I really feel the person should NOT own the horse they have, I keep it to myself. I might say something like, "just be careful, this horse can hurt you - be safe."
I REALLY don't think some of these people would say half the stuff they are saying to the other person's FACE. They might say they would but I don't believe it. That's not human nature. MOST successful clinicians have good people manners and are patient with them. 99.9% of the time, it's the person, not the horse that has the issue. I've only seen a couple that have been pretty rude with people and I see MOST people don't respond well to it. Or they feel intimidated and can't learn. I have had people tell me on these forums, "you're wuzzy, you are being run by your horse and much worse."
Do they know me? NO. Do they know my horse? NO. I guess I"m just from another planet because I would never say something like that. That is just belittling and it gets you no where but a fight.
I would like them to come to my house or go for a ride with me and then say that right to my face. Do I really think they would do that? NO.
I ride with my boss who can't ride. She does just about everything wrong in the book. Pulling on her horse's face constantly - NO release, smacking him with the whip when he clearly doesn't understand what she's trying to tell him. I say NOTHING. Unless she asks me. And if she did, I would NEVER say to her what people would say on the internet behind their computer.
And there are some people who probably shouldn't ride horses because they simply can't read them. If you can't hear what your horse is telling you, you probably won't have a good working relationship. There has to be respect on both ends.
I've read alot of good posts on here and some I just shake my head.
I just think it's become easier for people to be nasty and mean because there is no human contact. I for one will never forget what human contact is like and how I would want to be talked to.
Missy May and thetempest89 like this.
     
    04-15-2014, 01:53 PM
  #4
Started
I approach it with the thought "it's only the internet, not my life". Say whatever you like. I don't know you and it doesn't matter.
     
    04-15-2014, 03:26 PM
  #5
Weanling
I think the people in my little town, particularly the ones about age 27 and under, are pretty snarky and unfiltered in real life, as are some of the neanderthal working class males here, too. Some stuff it's okay to think, but just don't ever say or write it. And the less of your personal life you post on the Internet, the better, regardless of which format or forum we are talking about. Put something out there, and you just set yourself up to be a lightning rod for criticism.

Quote:
“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
--- Abraham Lincoln.

(and that was before Internet and Facebook, haha)
     
    04-15-2014, 03:46 PM
  #6
Weanling
I have seen many nasty replies and what seems to be all out attacks on people. I can see how inexperienced people might be hesitant to even ask a question. Not everyone has thick skin. Some of this is done in the name of" saving your life" but kindness would help them much more. Make people feel like crap and they will just shut down and leave, that's not helping them.
Remali likes this.
     
    04-15-2014, 03:47 PM
  #7
Banned
Yeah some sites are that way that's why I left a lot of them
     
    04-15-2014, 03:57 PM
  #8
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by squirrelfood    
I approach it with the thought "it's only the internet, not my life". Say whatever you like. I don't know you and it doesn't matter.

I wonder how old you are? Because that's really sad. It is ONLY the internet but do you realize that just because you don't know the other person and it doesn't matter to you how sad that is for the other person on the other end?? I seriously doubt that you wouldn't feel something if someone said you were an idiot on line. That would mean you were not human :(
Remali and Cherie like this.
     
    04-15-2014, 04:03 PM
  #9
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkb811    
I have seen many nasty replies and what seems to be all out attacks on people. I can see how inexperienced people might be hesitant to even ask a question. Not everyone has thick skin. Some of this is done in the name of" saving your life" but kindness would help them much more. Make people feel like crap and they will just shut down and leave, that's not helping them.
You're right. I think alot of people won't post because of that. Not everyone started out knowing everything. And I think people forget that. There have been alot of postings on FB about how rude people are these days compared to the 1950's or 60's. Parents had control over their kids. Kids were shamed if they did something wrong. Now a days, kids don't care. If I acted like most young people do now a days when I was a kid, I would have been SLAPPED for it. Or even the "look" would have put me in my place. It's called manners.
I think the ones who do ask for help and get berated, don't come back. I don't blame them and I hope they don't leave feeling so berated that they give up.
squirrelfood likes this.
     
    04-15-2014, 04:15 PM
  #10
Super Moderator
I really cannot understand why people allow things to get to them when written on the Internet. If you don't like it then stop going back to read it.

I was taught to deal with bullies by standing up to them, to not let them win by letting them effct me. To fight my own battles. Very few bullies will stand up on their own or, if their efforts to hurt do not work they soon get bored.

Many times people try to be something they are not. It doesn't work for long because they will soon trip up. It happens on this forum, people giving advice when they have little experience and are just repeating what has been written before.

I do have a thick skin because I will not allow things to get to me, anyone can develop this.

Nowadays it seems that teasing, in good spirit can be taken as bullying, such pity because teasing teaches a person how to react so it doesn't turn to bullying.

The thing that has impressed me about this forum is how it is so friendly because of the work the moderators do and how they try stop any foreseeable problems before they start.
     

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