For those of you who have been "bashed" on any threads - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 65 Old 04-15-2014, 06:34 PM
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In my opinion, some of the folk who take their toys and go home like to think they have a "special" pony, or that they themselves can do no wrong.

Personal accountability in accepting where you, yourself, come off as, instead of pointing the dirty finger at others and saying "they're mean" goes long and far. I have learned to accept the advice of others, when I ask for it, even if it isn't something I want to hear.

Sometimes we have to buck, and suck it up, while nailing down our pride to even fix a problem. As much as I would like to think I'm a pretty decent rider, or decent at anything, I realize how far I have to go. I've gotten some harsh criticism before, but I'm still here. And I've learned from it.
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post #22 of 65 Old 04-15-2014, 10:37 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
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In real life, I am much blunter than I am online. I was not raised in the era of "be nice and pat everyone on the head" and have never subscribed to it.

As for not knowing someone or their horse? Most of the time, when that response is given, it is because the poster doesn't want to hear the truth.

And, while we may not know you or your horse? We do know horses, and like it or not, we have a pretty good grasp on what is going on with your horse and you. Moreso if you post a video.

Quite a few of us have decades of experience, with more than one breed, and more than one discipline. So we do know what we are talking about more than likely, without knowing you or your horse.

It is also aggravating to deal with someone who is of the "yes/but" syndrome.

Those who say "yes I have a problem and this is what is happening" and you give them good, sound advice, and then you get "BUT" to the advice. It happens time and again.

Add in a few trolls to the mix and there you go.

People need to quit being so sensitive is what I think.

Horses make me a better person.
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post #23 of 65 Old 04-16-2014, 12:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Palomine View Post
In real life, I am much blunter than I am online. I was not raised in the era of "be nice and pat everyone on the head" and have never subscribed to it.

As for not knowing someone or their horse? Most of the time, when that response is given, it is because the poster doesn't want to hear the truth.

And, while we may not know you or your horse? We do know horses, and like it or not, we have a pretty good grasp on what is going on with your horse and you. Moreso if you post a video.

Quite a few of us have decades of experience, with more than one breed, and more than one discipline. So we do know what we are talking about more than likely, without knowing you or your horse.

It is also aggravating to deal with someone who is of the "yes/but" syndrome.

Those who say "yes I have a problem and this is what is happening" and you give them good, sound advice, and then you get "BUT" to the advice. It happens time and again.

Add in a few trolls to the mix and there you go.

People need to quit being so sensitive is what I think.
Palomine,

I'm kind of laughing to imagine you even blunter in real life!
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post #24 of 65 Old 04-16-2014, 02:42 AM
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Well, you wouldn't be the first! You would be more than welcome and I mean that.

One thing I ask, give me notice so I can knock a few cobwebs down!
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post #25 of 65 Old 04-16-2014, 04:20 AM
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To be perfectly honest, I am not comfortable posting my next question because of some replies I got on my other threads. I promised myself I would not get upset because of the comments, but hey, I am human and it really p**** me off when people judge my character, background or horse without knowing me.

Maybe we should all have look at where the thread is posted before reading it. I post all my questions under New to Horses, because that's exactly what I am - NEW TO HORSES!!! If inexperienced people like myself irritates you, don't read the threads under New to Horses!
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post #26 of 65 Old 04-16-2014, 07:06 AM
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If people being mean or rude to you on the internet puts a rift in your day or some how upsets you... I think you need help. At the end of the day theses are WORD ON A SCREEN! If you want to ride bridless, hand feed your horse or continue to let your horse bite that's YOU business. What people say here isn't the end all be all or gospel of horse training. They are words on a page which you can choose to take or ignore.

Also, when members post something it's not because they want to "hate" "bash" or be "mean" to you. They 1) took time out of their day to help you FOR FREE 2) have nothing to lose. At the end of the day it's not going to be my neck, my wallet, my life, my lawsuit, my family's burden... We, here on the HF, have nothing to lose by giving you advice. It's only ment to help the poster.

Another thing is people now a days have no idea how to except criticism. When someone tell you that you need lessons, your horse is spoiled or what your doing it's dangerous it not because they want to hurt your feelings. It's because your riding needs improvement, your horse is running they show and your going to get hurt.
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post #27 of 65 Old 04-16-2014, 09:08 AM
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As someone who has focused a great deal of their career on communicating effectively to a wide variety of people, usually about very sensitive topics, I find that YES, what you say to people in writing DOES affect them, even if it is "just" the internet.

HOW you say something can mean the difference between someone listening to what you have to say, and that person shutting down because they feel attacked and demeaned. It is quite a bit different in written communication than spoken communication, because you don't have eye contact, subtle body language, or tone of voice to base your opinion off of.

It seems that a lot of horse folks think that having tact, or learning to communicate effectively means that you are somehow babying or coddling the other person, ergo contributing to some sort of epidemic of weakness in the community- and I find it more than a little disturbing when people are PROUD of being nasty to others.

Don't get me wrong - I have had my fair share of fights and scuff-ups with people online. I am firmly of the mind that some people won't listen, no matter what you say or how you say it, if they're not being told what they want to hear. In that case, the best solution is to simply back away and go do something more productive with your time.

People are people wherever you go, and nobody enjoys being insulted, demeaned, talked down to, or told how wrong they are. But some people might do well to examine HOW they communicate their ideas before blaming how they are taken on everyone else being unable to "take it".
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post #28 of 65 Old 04-16-2014, 10:12 AM
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Well said Mulefeather!
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post #29 of 65 Old 04-16-2014, 10:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mulefeather View Post
People are people wherever you go, and nobody enjoys being insulted, demeaned, talked down to, or told how wrong they are. But some people might do well to examine HOW they communicate their ideas before blaming how they are taken on everyone else being unable to "take it".
But why does the onus fall on the deliverer to change? I never set out to belittle anyone, I often have toned down my initial thoughts to post, but still it seems to me that people CHOOSE, to take offence where none was intended. I get to be called mean poopy head, when I have taken the time to give what I think is good advice.

It is funny how often I have felt attacked by people assuming that I'm being mean, when that was not my intention, again, it's the internet, you post, you judge others, others judge you, Oh just like real life, but this big audience.

Walk away people, put the ones who annoy you on ignore, don't visit threads, boards or sites that you know will upset you. If you can't cope with what the internet is, stay the heck off of it.

And while I am unloading this "If you can't say anything nice don;t say it at all" which I know from Bambi....Disney advice, well I have to balance that with my mother, who was a true lady, from another generation, who raised me with her heartfelt lore "Tell the truth and shame the devil"
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post #30 of 65 Old 04-16-2014, 10:37 AM
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Quote:
It seems that a lot of horse folks think that having tact, or learning to communicate effectively means that you are somehow babying or coddling the other person, ergo contributing to some sort of epidemic of weakness in the community- and I find it more than a little disturbing when people are PROUD of being nasty to others.
Exactly WHY what anyone says to me on the 'net doesn't matter a hill of beans. Why would I want to acknowledge those types?
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