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For those of you who have been "bashed" on any threads

This is a discussion on For those of you who have been "bashed" on any threads within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        04-19-2014, 01:42 PM
      #61
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by squirrelfood    
    That's often called child abuse now.
    AHa, see there we are..

    What I considered discipline, a whack on the hand or backside, is now called abuse.

    What I call plain speaking and hard truths is now called harassment and bullying

    Terms that were descriptive, eg. Black sheep of the family, are now racist.

    My mother letting me play outside from first light to dusk, letting me explore and discover the world, would now be neglect.

    But in that time of discipline, rules, and not having to watch every word less one offends someone, I grew and developed, and learned to work for what wanted, and also found the consequences of getting it wrong.

    When I didn't win I was told it was because I was not good enough, so I could choose to work harder and get better or quit.

    Aghh I don't know I guess I got lucky with my parents, I knew the difference between them not liking my behaviour and not liking me, and that is what so often is missing from this sort of thing.

    People say they are being attacked, but what is being commented on so often are your actions, not YOU, and there is a huge difference, and that is what is missing online. I can tell my friend that she is being an idiot, doesn't mean we are not friends any more, just that I don't like that one thing she is doing. Online we don't know anyone, so people take things so very personally.

    If I say that ohh lets see "You shouldn't have bred your mare because now you say you can't afford a vet" I'm not saying that YOU ARE A HORRIBLE WORTHLESS PERSON, what I am saying is that you have made a decision, a bad one, and I don't like that,you maybe a perfectly nice person.

    I'm struggling to put this into the written word, but just stop taking things so personally people,

    1) Often it is your actions that are being criticised, not you as a person, it's different.

    2) Not one of us is right all the time, and if we don't have our mistakes pointed out to us, how do we improve?

    3) In any one thread, being as we are horse people there will be a minimum of 3 different opinions on any one subject, it is up to the reader to find balance in the spread of replies, not up to each responder to give balance in each of their replies.

    4) It's the internet, you are getting a global view, remember different cultures do things differently, explain things differently, and even view things differently.

    5) It's the internet, walk away, switch off, go take a walk, use the ignore feature, or maybe read, decide not it does or doesn't apply to you, and then file in the appropriate place.

    6) IMPORTANTLY, Remember you are dealing with a lot of horse nuts here, the sort of people who will happily wear shoes with holes in, so dobbin can have new shoes, who will forgo all sorts of things so the horses are fed well, vetted when needed and live a good life. This is normal behaviour to a lot of people.
         
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        04-19-2014, 01:50 PM
      #62
    Weanling
    This was my upbringing as well. There's another thread going on about the choice to have children- a huge part of my not liking kids is because they are so undisciplined.

    I got spanked, probably not as much as I deserved. I spent my childhood outside, in the woods, building forts, shooting a bow and arrow, four wheeling, riding, etc. Now when I babysit, all kids want to do is play on their ipad or watch Netflix. The word "No" starts world war three.

    We are all encouraged to have our own opinions, but disagreeing with someone is considered a personal offense, even harassment. So we are supposed to have our own opinions, as long as we agree with everyone. Because, if someone disagrees or gives us advice we need to hear, that means they hate us (heavy sarcasm). Oh, people these days. I can't imagine spending as much energy as some people do being offended. I was born in the wrong generation! I am a firm believer in tough love. I think it's the best kind.
         
        04-19-2014, 02:43 PM
      #63
    Started
    It's the only love that matters
    blue eyed pony and boots like this.
         
        04-20-2014, 09:38 AM
      #64
    Super Moderator
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by squirrelfood    
    It's the only love that matters
    Ah, but often love has to be tough!

    I do know that as children we were never inside. Sent out to play whatever the weather just to get rid of our energy.

    Children are not allowed to do this nowadays. People worry about pedophiles, chances are remote and back when every adult looked out over any child whether they knew them or not, things were safer. Now if an adult does say something then they are slated for it either by the children or their parents.

    Personally that is not something I would worry about, my concern would be the traffic which is far heavier and faster than it was when we were riding our bikes here there and everywhere.

    Life has changed and not necessarily for the better.
    Palomine and boots like this.
         
        04-21-2014, 06:18 PM
      #65
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tinyliny    
    Palomine,

    I'm kind of laughing to imagine you even blunter in real life!

    Oh I am, very much so, and don't pull punches.

    My best friend of almost 30 years now, used to tell people, do NOT ask her what she thinks about something because she is going to tell you exactly what she thinks, and you may get your feelings hurt.

    And honestly, when someone is being a fool, telling them plainly is much better than *****footing around the matter.

    And sometimes I will tell a person, do you want me to commiserate, or tell you how I really feel, I can do either.

    Also tell them "I think you are messing up here...but if you want to go ahead I will support you and defend you, but I will still be saying I TOLD you you were messing up."

    MaMaw, a dear friend in her mid 90's at time she died, was my idol. One time her adopted granddaughter was telling her yet another tale of woe about her idiot spouse at time.

    MaMaw looked at her and said "J, you always were inclined to sorriness."

    Which summed J up in a nutshell too.
    Speed Racer likes this.
         

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