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For those of you who have been "bashed" on any threads

4K views 64 replies 24 participants last post by  Palomine 
#1 ·
Whether it's Twitter, Facebook, message boards or chat rooms, the Internet seems to be a magnet for nasty comments -- and few result in real-world consequences. But why are people so mean on the Internet?
The root, it seems, may lie deep within the human psyche. The majority of communication is non-verbal, composed of body language, eye contact, speech tone and language patterns. Without this information to help us process and categorize information, our minds are left to sort through the uncertain. And, thanks to a leftover prehistoric penchant for fight or flight, being unsure about another person's intent often creates a negative reaction to a perceived threat [source: Gardner].
By continually presenting only our "best selves" online and reaping the emotional benefits of lots of "likes" on Facebook for instance, psychologists say our self-esteem may bloom disproportionately -- and negatively impact self-control. The result? You'll feel entitled to be an online meanie. Experts also posit that people sometimes actually forget that they're speaking out loud when they post a snarky comment -- writing something from a smartphone almost seems like you're talking only to yourself [source: Bernstein].
This lack of inhibition also may be connected to a physical distance from the people to whom comments are directed. Turns out, the closer physical proximity you have to someone, the less likely you are to be mean-spirited. For example, one recent study found game show contestants were less likely to vote off a contestant standing next to them than one standing further away [source: Dallas].
But here's an unexpected consequence: Lobbing snarky comments online -- even if no one knows your real identity -- could be bad for your health.
 
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#35 ·
So many times I see threads on this forum bashing BNTs - which does escalate to them receiving death threats for being "animal abusers".

Humans make mistakes and we should all be willing to stick together through it.
Many of us have been through the school of hard knocks (especially these BNTs) and instead of bashing them we should be asking for their advice and assistance and listening to what they say regardless of the wrapper it comes in...
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#36 ·
GoldenHorse, I do agree with you that it's important to tell the truth, but also to control yourself. I see people hanging out in forums or chats where they are constantly upset by the other people on it, and wonder what they're getting out of it. But, again, some people enjoy being offended or feeling righteous anger.

For me, I try to word things carefully and think about what I'm saying. If someone takes offense after that, oh well - I gave it my best shot. Recently I had a young man on one of the IRC forums I hang out on start attacking me for being an "alcoholic" because I was talking about drinking one day. I may enjoy a JD & diet coke a few times a month, but I'm far from an alcoholic. Moral of the story, some people are just nuts!

PrivatePilot, it does seem to be a lot of young people who think they can turn the tide by screaming at the sea loudly enough.
 
#37 ·
Interesting topic. It's sort of sad when you think about it. My take on it is... much like bullies in our every day life (whether they be at school or at work or where ever), I think people who tend to be rude, name call, or just be plain nasty, have issues with themselves or with their own lives, and just take that out on others. You can't take it personally, or, well, at least you shouldn't, because it is really the other person's problem and their issue that they have with communicating with others effectively and in a positive manner.
 
#39 ·
I speak online as I speak in person, however I have to tone it down online, otherwise I would be banned on most forums. Also it's no fun being rude and snarky online, if someone insults you online, you can't punch them, kick them, etc, lol.
 
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#40 ·
There are rules to civil discourse in most all societies, many people are either unaware of them or they ignore them on the internet, or in "real life". It is just that in "real life" people tend to only socialize or engage in conversation with one of the two groups (those that follow the rules of civil discourse, those that do not).
 
#41 ·
Actually, PrivatePilot, I DO tear my hair out. But not because of the forum but because I have trichotilomania; a compulsive disorder where a person pulls their own hair out. But, that's neither here nor there.

I am not sure what the OP wants from this. if it's to bash HF, then it has no place or purpose here. any chance we can just take it for what it is, and move on? threads about bashing often turn into bashing, and then they get retired early. just how it goes.
 
#42 ·
I do agree with the OP.

Whether it is online on a forum, or your everyday life out in public, or where ever.... there is no place in the world for being rude or nasty. I did not take the OP's post as a way to bash the forum, I took as just some ponderings on how people act online, as compared to face to face with people. I do see a difference when some people are online, compared to face to face.
 
#45 ·
If one believes their opinion to be fact, and anything that is not in agreement to be “wrong”, but believes that attacking others on a personal level qualifies as support of their “facts”, then they probably don’t and are unable to understand what separates fact from opinion, much less the fact that attacking someone on a personal level wouldn’t qualify as “support” of any known fact. I am sure that it is easy to find people in real life that can’t simply discuss a subject w/o attacking participants, but few would go looking for them. I don’t think the actual number of individuals that make/take civil exchange “personal” has increased; the internet simply provides a means of estimating how common they are.
 
#46 ·
There is no doubt in my mind that people are getting more and more sensitive as the years go by.
Secondly, although it has improved a lot, there is a great deal of difference between the sense of humour of the Americans and the UK and antipodeans. I know when I first came on the Internet I offended some with my humour. It was not intentional just that what the Brits, Aussies and NZ find funny the Americans took offence. The greatest difference being that we can laugh at ourselves and our country whereas the US takes things more seriously.

When it comes to open forums people ask and then when they are told that their horse does not have a problem - they do and how to deal with it, they don't like it and get on their high horse, so to speak.

I often type out a reply and then erase it because, although truthful it is to harsh. I am sure that many of us have wanted to write something like - you are an ignoramus that knows nothing and should not be within a mile of a horse let alone own one - but temper it down to something a little more helpful.

If I disagree with a reply I will say so, just as others have done to my replies. This is healthy, we should never stop learning,

No matter how experienced someone is there are, with horses, problems that you have not come across or another answer to consider.

I would love to have a meeting with many of the folk on this forum, not just to see what they are like in real life but also to learn from them.

I know that should I have something I had not come across before then I would turn to Cherie for advice. I would not take offence at what she says but would certainly try her method. That is fine, I know she has been there, done that and got the T shirt. Then, I am more open minded than many.
 
#54 ·
I think that life is a lot harder for children of today than it was when I was young.

Training anything, be it a dog, horse or child takes effort and time, rules and boundaries.
Society as a whole has got lax, many are not prepared to put the time and effort into doing things that require discipline.
Governments are making laws telling how and how not parents should raise their children.

As many parents are not prepared to lay down the law they allow their children to watch all sorts of TV and play any video game.
A child playing a war game gets killed so goes back and tries again. They find cheats so they don't die. Then, if violence appears in life and they reciprocate, is the thought implanted in the back of their brain that that person will just not really be dead?

Personally I feel it is a shame that children of today have to grow up so fast. They do not have the responsibilities that many of my era did. (I was out to work full time at 15) I wasn't earning a lot and my Mother took half of my earning towards my keep. As my wages increased so did my contribution.

Mum had rules and anyone living in the home had to abide by them. No escaping her! Many times it would have been easier to give in but she always stood firm. Dad always agreed with her and, I can honestly say, I never heard my parents argue until I was 14 and that was over a rescue dog I wanted! Mum won that one by saying, "We are getting her and that's that!"

What was considered teasing is now called bullying. Parents get involved with trivial childhood arguments, they object when a child is punished at school.

The biggest loss of all is the use of common sense which seems to have flown out the window.
 
#59 ·
Which is absolutely stupid if you ask me and entirely what's wrong with the world - everyone's too preoccupied with the rights of the child and not concerned enough with this thing called TEACHING KIDS TO SHOW RESPECT.

I'm 19. I was smacked when I was little. I'm also one of the few people my age I know who actually has a job, doesn't smoke, rarely drinks [and when I do I only ever have one] and has never gotten involved with the wrong sort of people.

I work in a customer-service oriented job in the food industry. I see SO many parents who don't know how to say no to their kids. And their kids are, invariably, little monsters with no manners. I even served one kid who tried to get away with not paying for his ice cream - unluckily for him I take payment before I serve the food.
 
#60 ·
I see a lot of really good kids, and yes there are, and always have been, ill-mannered children that are products of ill-mannered parents. The public school system is not geared toward education, it appears more geared toward giving everyone a blue ribbon regardless of their true achievement and behavior. So, they can never hope to feel the true sense of achievement, regardless of how hard they work or well they behave. Then, there are few scholarships based purely on merit, but many scholarships that are designed to what tad amounts to "underachievers". What could possibly deter kids that are raised by ill-mannered, "entitlement" minded parents in an "entitlement" minded society from being ill-mannered and entitlement minded?
 
#62 ·
This was my upbringing as well. There's another thread going on about the choice to have children- a huge part of my not liking kids is because they are so undisciplined.

I got spanked, probably not as much as I deserved. I spent my childhood outside, in the woods, building forts, shooting a bow and arrow, four wheeling, riding, etc. Now when I babysit, all kids want to do is play on their ipad or watch Netflix. The word "No" starts world war three.

We are all encouraged to have our own opinions, but disagreeing with someone is considered a personal offense, even harassment. So we are supposed to have our own opinions, as long as we agree with everyone. Because, if someone disagrees or gives us advice we need to hear, that means they hate us (heavy sarcasm). Oh, people these days. I can't imagine spending as much energy as some people do being offended. I was born in the wrong generation! I am a firm believer in tough love. I think it's the best kind.
 
#64 ·
Ah, but often love has to be tough!

I do know that as children we were never inside. Sent out to play whatever the weather just to get rid of our energy.

Children are not allowed to do this nowadays. People worry about pedophiles, chances are remote and back when every adult looked out over any child whether they knew them or not, things were safer. Now if an adult does say something then they are slated for it either by the children or their parents.

Personally that is not something I would worry about, my concern would be the traffic which is far heavier and faster than it was when we were riding our bikes here there and everywhere.

Life has changed and not necessarily for the better.
 
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