tips for late stage dementia and alzheimers
Forgive me if my spelling in the title is wrong, I'm exhausted.
For the past six months I've been taking care of my business partners parents. Her father is 91, with diabetes, Alzheimer's, and no respect for women (no really, I've been called "the little house b***h" more than I care for) her mother is 82 with dementia, and an attitude a country mile wide.
They are both on the appropriate meds, under 24/7 in home care (either myself, my bf, or my business partner are always here) and all safety precautions that can be taken, have been.
But how on earth do I stop them from being so violent and nasty? Mimi, the mother, will do as she pleases (be it walking in on your man in the shower, or dumping sweet tea over the roast in the oven that you've just spent hours preparing) and when you ask her not to, or ask her why, you are ignored until you yell, then if you yell, you get a cane over the head, or a ht cup of tea scalding your lap, or a bite to the arm because your in the way. I don't want to confine her as punishment, but once she gets going its like a full on 90 lb four year olds tantrum. And I cannot for the life of me figure out a way to prevent this.
Then there's papa. He'll call me names as soon as look at me. He's hit the dogs, he hits when you try to pick him up when he falls, he hits when you walk to close. For the first month, I spent more time making sure I was out of hands reach because he kept slapping my butt, than I did anything else. The first time he did it I yelled at him and he laughed in my face. The next time, Slapped him and my bf got in the way before he could get at me. Now he ignores me when alex is home, which is the only time I get any relief. I cannot get him to shower without having alex physically cary and drop him into it and he struggles the whole time, even after TWO WEEKS of not bathing. He throws his food at me when he doesn't like it (only happened twice, then I got a list of things he doesn't like from his daughter) but he'll throw it when he doesn't want any more either.
And lately, he's taken to getting up in the middle of the night. Like, two am in the middle of the night. The first time, he tried to steal alex's truck. Broke the rear view mirror, the center console, the side view mirror, and some decorative stuff alex had around. After that, I took to leaving a can tied to his door knob that wakes me up when he gets up. But even at two in the morning he'll try to push me over or out of the way and ignore me. And he'll be up at two, two thirty, three, four, four fifteen, five, then he's up for the day, and I'm exhausted. Like today. I'm at my wits end.
On top of this I'm still trying to get all the construction on the barn to code, was just diagnosed with ckd, they just changed all my other meds, and I'm trying to find a way to move. Ughhhhh.
I just want them to be less violent, and maybe find a way to occupy them better so they don't think to be so mean. They were both apparently the picture perfect elderly couple until about a year and a half ago, then they started getting like this.
And before everyone goes off on the "your allowing it" tangent, how exactly do you safely restrain a ninety year old 120 lbs bigger than you without it being some kind of "mishandling" or "abuse"? How much do I blame on the diseases and how much is just clever old man? You can't make someone want to do right, can I at least make him no try to hit or push? Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated, everybody in this house needs a little less tension!
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