tips for late stage dementia and alzheimers - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 17 Old 06-19-2012, 01:56 AM
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: North Texas
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Originally Posted by dbarabians View Post
They are a danger to others and probably to themselves.
They need professional care.
I would suggest that you insist they receive it before you and your boyfriend get accused of inadequate care.
If they receive any form of Medicare or Medicaid they are eligible for inpatient care at a facility capable of handling this type of illness.
At their age and weight they are susceptable to injury if you needed to restrain them. If that happens the state may step in and the family would lose any control of the parents anyway.
Protect yourself legally from any charges or complaints that might arise.
Especially if the two of you are living in their house.
I would at the very least consult with a lawyer to see what you could do to protect yourself from any legal issues that might arise.
They will not get better. They do not have the capablity to reason rationally.
I have known people that were jailed in similar situations.
Take care.
By the way as a caretaker you could be charged with neglect if you allowed the patient to go 2 weeks without being properly cleaned. Shalom
Yes, agree. The first concern I would have is as stated by dbarabians, your legal, and unfortunately, criminal liability. It sounds as if you have reached your limits with the situation. You are posting on a horse forum for advice, for heaven's sake. You need support for yourself. I am sure you have contacted the associated medical/mental health agencies in your area for support and/or resources? If you must maintain the present situation, please seek out help for yourself in the form of support groups and/or counseling.
You have my sympathy. My adopted daughter became violent and I was in a very similar situation. No sleep, constant state of fear/anticipation, total disruption of life, from the most basic everyday routines to outings, extended family, etc. It is one h*ll of a way to live. I don't know how I survived, and I pray that you do also. Get help.
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post #12 of 17 Old 06-19-2012, 02:37 AM
Join Date: Dec 2011
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I know the humans are top priorty but you said he was hitting the dogs, is it possible to find the dogs a new home? I know it may sound petty but at lest then there will be fewer affected by the violence. Dementia is ahorrible and very very sad thing but so far there is nothing medicine can do for the outbursts. My mum works in a medical clinic and there are alot of elderly patints many of whom have demntia in some form or another so puts up with a lot of it. luckily there are several other patients who LOVE her and bring her gifts, sometimes it's really random things. like a table cloth type thing (it goes over the table cloth but is very thing and small) or home made pickles...

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post #13 of 17 Old 06-19-2012, 07:47 AM
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I don't buy the "they can't afford nursing home care" line. If they have no resources, then they qualify for Medicaid. If they have property and only one needs to move to a facility for 24/7 care, the other can still keep most if not all property and other resources. If they both need full care, then yes, they have to use their assets first and then apply for Medicaid.

When I hear this line, it often means the kids are thinking "they'd have to use their resources to afford nursing care and we were counting on inheriting it all." And the comment about caring for the "business partner's parents while trying to get the barn up to code" is a big flag that makes me wonder what the rest of the story is.

Our parents owe us nothing in material ways, but when they need us to help them stay safe and comfortable, we owe them that.
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post #14 of 17 Old 06-19-2012, 08:10 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: west palm beach, fl
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I have zero control over what actually happens and whether or not they actually get into a home because, as I've said, I'm neither the executor or one of their children. I'm a family friend helping out, and have no say in much more than what they eat and what clothes he wears that day. I was asking for advice on making everybodys quality of life better, not on why I shouldn't be doing what I am. The fact of the matter is I'm here until I can get my funds together to move, or until one of their children steps up.
The barn is my project. I'm working for a man who bought this run down property across town and its my job to oversee the daily runnings and reconstruction. It has nothing to do with the house or the elderlys, and everything to do with my workload.
As far as the bathing thing. His one daughter who's here with me gives up when he fights with her about the shower and I end up giving him a sponge bath in his chair. He went two weeks without actually being naked in soapy water, but he did get cleaned, and does on a bi-daily basis. Sometimes alex puts him in the shower, sometimes I get the bucket out. It depends on his mood that day.
As far as my legal standing, I'm hoping to be out of here soon. I'm hoping their other children will step in once I'm gone as my partner can NOT do this on her own. If not their children, a well placed call to the lawyer brother should solve it. Someone will make him see reason.

But until such day as someone who's actually got a say in anything does something, all I can ask is how can I better their quality of life? How can I make the days go smoother or at least without so many outbursts? I can accept it if there is no way, but that's the advice I've been looking for. There's not much I can do otherwise.
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post #15 of 17 Old 06-19-2012, 08:14 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
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And no, I'm not going to give up my dog because of him. Charles may have brain damage, but he's learned to stay out of the way of the canes. I'm not giving up any more of my life, and I'm certainly not throwing my dogs life to chance over some grumpy old man. Charles is perfectly happy and has adapted, and though I watch to make sure it doesn't happen to him (the dog that was hit was my partners collie, who can handle it. My dog is 8lbs of fluffy seizure ridden brain damage) I trust that my dog stays close enough to stay out of harms way.
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post #16 of 17 Old 06-19-2012, 08:32 AM
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AP, as long as the family has some cheap help they will not face the reality of the situation.
either they are in denial of their parents condition or as someone posted trying to maintain an estates value for inheritance purposes.
Their quality of life will not improve until they are dead.
Yours has decreased remarkably.
The other family members quality of life has not change at all.
Can you see the problem with this? Good luck. Shalom
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post #17 of 17 Old 06-19-2012, 10:58 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
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I do see the problem, and I thank you for your advice. I guess I'm just grasping at straws to try and save the situation a little, but truth is the only people who care have reached a breaking point. My partner can't handle it mentally or physically, I can't really either on the bad days. I know the rest of the family is basically using us. Sometimes I wonder if the best thing to do would be to get my things in order and call it in myself. Of course they'd get better care if the family stepped in, but I don't see that happening.
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