Too Fast - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 9 Old 04-19-2012, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
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Too Fast

I'm seeking advise as well. I'm torn and it seems all my friends are too.

I started dating this guy in Feb of this year. We are already planning on moving in together when my lease is up in November. Normally, I would NEVER consider moving in with someone so quickly. But I have known him for 7 + years and we have lived together before (as roommates) so we know eachother's corks, probably more so because when you're roomates you dont care what the other person thinks about your habits.

Here's where I'm being a woman; I feel like its the right move, but that rational side says "you wont even be with him for a year."

Does the fact that I've known him for a while and lived together make a differnce?

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post #2 of 9 Old 04-19-2012, 03:03 PM
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I think it depends completely on how you feel.

I was with my bf for 9 months when we moved in together. Knew each other for a year. I don't recommend it, but we haven't had any problems and been living together for 2 years now.
I've had a friend that knew her bf for years and years and moved in together after a couple months of dating. No problems either.
Now add a third friend. Moved in together after 7 months and the relationship was over within 3 of living together.

The difference? Friend 1 and I had both in serious relationships before, lived on our own successfully and had no problems with our relationships. Friend 2 had never been in a serious relationship before, hardly been out on her own without someone supporting her and they had runs of fights before moving in together.

So long story short, how does your relationship look/feel? I think time has nothing to do with it if you both feel its good timing.
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post #3 of 9 Old 04-20-2012, 08:47 AM
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Feb - Nov is 9 months that should be plenty of time to get to know one another. I have known engagements that were not that long. LOL
The secret is compromise and to set the rules BEFORE moving in. If you do not discuss the details of who does what and who pays this then you are setting yuour self up for failure. Good luck. Shalom
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post #4 of 9 Old 04-21-2012, 06:11 PM
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My boyfriend and i moved in together after only 2.5 months. We've been together 1.5 years so far. :)

Just don't so it til you feel ready. Plus November is still 7 months away. Don't beat your self up over it. You guys will come to the decision when YOU BOTH are ready.
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post #5 of 9 Old 04-24-2012, 09:00 AM
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I think that it should fully depend on it how you and your boyfriend feel about the situation. Sure rational decisions are needed if you end up to move in together (who pays what, what kind of rules you do have in your household, what is accepted and what not, how to mix 2 different lifestyles and family culture together etc).

Many of my friends have moved in with their partners after being relationship less than an year. Anyways, I wouldn't stare at it how others do with these issues since it's all up to you. If you feel that it's wrong in your heart, I wouldn't advise you to take that step but wait and see what happens. On the other hand, if you're just stressed about the move and think commitment and 'what if's' - remember that there are also housemates who share the same apartment together for some time but continue their lives separately then. I'm not by any meaning trying to say that you should take that step lightly, I wouldn't take that myself unless I were serious either. I'm still trying to say that don't stress too much, sharing the same apartment, especially if you set clear rules about paying things etc, isn't totally irreversible if seems that things won't finally work out. For example situations like getting married or having kids together will create more firmer bond between you and the other person.

But as said, my final piece of advice is that feel what you feel right inside just now.

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

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post #6 of 9 Old 04-24-2012, 09:22 AM
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Adding since I read & answered your message in hurry and seems that I missed the point that you want to do that move:

If you and your BF feel that it's right move to do (as you said), then IMO go ahead. Just plan the situation wisely and go through beforehand what kind of factors there will be. Those tips given by MN Tigerstripes sound good for me.

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

Pelle Miljoona - Varjo seuraa onneain

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post #7 of 9 Old 04-24-2012, 09:26 AM
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My bf and I had been together for 5 months when we moved in together and we haven't had any major issues with it. It's been almost 4 months now and things are going great, but we have a very open and honest relationship. We looked at it as in we were both ready, spent a majority of our nights/time together anyways and it was the next step for us.

Lots of people didn't like the idea and thought it would ruin our relationship (we have a very good one) but we figured that if moving in together ruined it we were doomed anyways. Basically we have good lines of communication and are good about dealing with problems/issues in a rational, adult manner. So anything that "ruined" our relationship was something that would've come out anyways... But we weren't really worried about it because we were both VERY honest about who we are and what we expect out of life.

On the other end I have 2 friends who moved in after very short times (2 months and 4 months). They both had a VERY rocky time of it, one is now single after a 3 year hellish relationship and the other is working out the same issues they've had from day one (over 4 years later).. I've noticed that in both of their cases one or both parties wasn't completely honest/realistic about who they were and what their expectations were of their partner. Neither has good channels of communication and the one that has broken up had terrible ways of dealing with stress/problems.

So in my opinion it comes down to how healthy you and your partner are as individuals and the health of your relationship. Two people who know who they are, who are honest about it, accepting of the differences between them, communicate effectively, and are willing to truly listen and compromise shouldn't have a problem.. If they do have an issue it's because of intrinsic differences between one/both of them that in my opinion would probably cause a break up down the line anyways. All moving in together early will do is hasten the process, unless you're ridiculously stubborn and keep trying to force it to work when it's obvious it isn't going to happen.
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post #8 of 9 Old 04-24-2012, 10:40 AM
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Nope, don't do it.
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post #9 of 9 Old 04-25-2012, 01:31 AM
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Well, if you mean you think you won't be w him for a year b/c you don't really want to be, I would not do it. If you mean you hope it will last longer but might as well face that things don't always work out ...I still wouldn't do it until my enthusiasm overroad my pessimism. But, then..that is coming from someone that never lived w anyone before they got married b/c I really liked being able to go home to my own private space...until I met my husband - at which time, I changed my mind. Either way you go...I hope it works out well!

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
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