VENTING! BF was snooping on my phone - Page 4 - The Horse Forum
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post #31 of 38 Old 07-26-2013, 04:18 AM
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Is that all?

My ex downloaded something called Team Viewer on to my netbook when I asked him to sort it out. I had no idea.

Do you know what it does? He can control the netbook from his own computer.

I only found out when he started going through my emails and facebook AFTER he decided he wanted a taste of some Italian chick and left me.

There is obviously some trust issue and you need to address that, rather than boil inside. Speak to him, don't freaking message him.

Be an adult about it.

If you then choose to lock your phone, it is your choice. But then you may be giving him more reason to mistrust you as he may feel you have something to hide. Messages are personal, and I can understand that you will be hurt; but talk to him about why he wanted to do it.

Good luck.
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post #32 of 38 Old 07-26-2013, 10:14 AM
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Originally Posted by waresbear View Post
I could care less if my husband snooped through my phone, computer, purse, underwear drawer, whatever. Prolly why I have been married 34 years.
I agree. But she was talking about BF, which to me personally is different (unless it's a time-long "family-like" relationship).

While I don't care at all, I know husband never "snoops" through my phone etc., and I never do either. To me it's part of "personal world" everyone needs.

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post #33 of 38 Old 07-26-2013, 10:45 AM
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I don't really care if husband reads my texts. I have no secrets from him....

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post #34 of 38 Old 07-26-2013, 11:11 AM
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One of the few advantages my wife has in being my wife is that she knows her husband won't check her phone for text messages.

I wouldn't know how...

And to think, I can remember using punch cards in college to work the computer the school rented from another school that owned one! Imagine a University without a single computer on it...then Pong came out and everything changed!

"Make the right thing easy and the wrong thing...well, ignore it mostly."
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post #35 of 38 Old 07-26-2013, 11:31 AM
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I had a friend that used to send me sleep texts!! some times I could actually read them.

but seriously I think rather that FB message him you need to talk to him either on the phone or in person. this is not a (how's your day going) thing this needs to be a more direct communication.

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post #36 of 38 Old 07-26-2013, 11:33 AM
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I feel like I'm going to be one of the first ones to completely understand where you're coming from. Why did he feel the need to do it behind your back? If he had any worries, could he not have just asked you? Him doing it without your permission shows that he thinks he knows you have something to hide, and would lie to him about it. It sounds like there isn't a lot of trust coming from his end. I understand how you're feeling. It's like a personal insult that he can't trust you like that. You're not upset because he snooped, but how he did it. Totally rational, IMO.

How would I go about it? Ask him if he looked at your phone. Something like, "Hey, did you go through my phone a couple nights ago while I was sleeping or am I just crazy?" If he says yes or no, reply with something like, "I'm sorry if it seems like I'm being suspicious or guarded. Just know that if you ever worry about my faithfulness to you, I will do anything to let you know I am 100% with you. I have no problem with you checking my phone, I have nothing to hide. I just ask that you check with my permission. There's no need to sneak behind me and do it." Somewhere in that general area. I have never experienced this, but that's about how I'd go about it.

And yes, talking to him face to face is definitely a lot better. Go into the situation wondering if he did, not accusing him of doing so. It will keep both your tempers from flaring.
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post #37 of 38 Old 07-26-2013, 12:08 PM
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BTW I agree it was Wrong. If he was smart he would have at least put it back the way he found it. Is this the first time ? he may have done it before and put it back the right way.

Did you talk to him?

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post #38 of 38 Old 07-26-2013, 12:33 PM
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I hope you've had a chance to talk to him by now. The fact that he went through your phone without your permission is a sign of disrespect to you and your space. Being upset about that is fine. fuming about our may be a bit of an overreaction, imo. The two of you need to set boundaries since it seems like you need/want them. Let him know what is and isn't acceptable to you, and let him tell you what is and isn't acceptable to him. Then, come to an agreement that you're both comfortable with. It's important to work through issues and learn how to compromise with each other. Otherwise, why continue the relationship?
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