Wanna-be grandparents - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 01:48 PM Thread Starter
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Wanna-be grandparents

My parents, they live 500 km apart have both gotten baby fever. Both my cousins (mom's side) are having kids and now everyone brings up having a baby to me, or it's always "when Cruz has a baby" never anyone else. I am not even in the conversation, but it seem likes everyone assumes I am the next one to get married/have kids.

My dad doesn't say it as plainly but while were just getting use to each other (5 years of never seeing each other) so its strange, and why are they not saying any thing about my brother who's two years older and has a girl friend?

A couple important facts to point out, I am not even dating anyone and haven't in a few years and the fact I openly tell people I don't want kids. Not that I don't like them or anything it's just a choice. I am also in my early 20s, but both my mom, aunts and all grandparents had at least one if not two kids at my age. It's embarrassing and frustrating, I ignore it from people that don't know me, but people that do, don't have a good excuse for putting me on the spot like that.

Maybe some parents or others on here can tell me what's going through their heads because the past two weeks it's been non stop.
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post #2 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 02:00 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
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Well! Aren't they putting the cart before the horse!

Don't worry, it happens to us all. They just probably miss having little tikes underfoot, and they are liking the idea that at the end of the day they would go home with you!
I'm 33, my kid is 8.5 and was an "accidental blessing". Mom and everyone else in the fam still asks when I'm having another... Ummm NEVER!

So don't let it get to you! I told my mom don't worry, lowlife brother without a job will give you plenty... They are expecting #3.
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post #3 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 02:48 PM
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I know its hard but try not to let it bother you. People say stuff with out really thinking how its taken. I am single and hear stuff like that. 'Oh it will happen one day' etc. The main problem is most people cant think past their nose. They see the world as only how it effects them.
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post #4 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 03:08 PM
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Maybe if you say something like, "well, I am so happy all of you will be babysitting for me when I do have kids!" they might leave you alone.

People always have to say something. I have two daughters and I always used to get: "so when are you going to have a boy?"
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post #5 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 03:12 PM
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It's pretty normal. For many (most?) people, not having kids isn't something that really crosses their mind as an option. For the past....well forever....people got married and had kids.

I agree though that it's rude and obnoxious when people are adamant that you WILL have children or when they belittle your choice by saying "oh you'll change your mind when you hit x age".

I'm also child free and love it! My parents still ask me about it and I always ask them about their plans for daycare and monthly support. When they wonder why they would be expected to do all that I fire back because they clearly believe they are involved with the decision then surely they anticipated being involved in the consequences! (Not interested in kids with or without their help though. Just....no.)
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post #6 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 03:20 PM
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My mother, God rest her lovely soul, used to hound me constantly about having children. She finally gave it up when I hit my late 40s.

It's not like she didn't have plenty of grandchildren, she just simply couldn't understand how her only daughter didn't like/didn't want children. She used to call me her little changeling, because I didn't follow the 'normal' life pattern both sides of my family always have. Get married, get knocked up, and have a passel of kids.

Parents who love children want to be grandparents. You can't fault them for that. I tried not to get testy with my folks when they'd bring up the old, 'But don't you WANT to get married and have kids?' talk. Um no, not particularly, thanks.

I know it's frustrating and can be stressful, but try to be kind with them. They really do consider it to be the next best thing to getting married, and just want you to be happy.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!

Last edited by Speed Racer; 10-02-2013 at 03:23 PM.
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post #7 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 03:39 PM Thread Starter
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My parents are not the worst, more of dropping hits of wanting grandchildren. Other family members on the other hand.

Your right, SpeedRacer, they expect me to get married have lots of kids and be happy with that, but I like owning my business, having horses, rock climbing, hiking, traveling. If I want kids around I can pick up four little ones for the day from my cousins, but they just are not for me and honestly never have.
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post #8 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 03:51 PM
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My parents finally admitted that my lifestyle might not have been one they'd choose, but I appeared happy and fulfilled, and in the end that's all that really matters.

As far as siblings, sisters/brothers in-law and other relatives, go tell them to pound sand. It's pretty much none of their business whether or when you have children.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!
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post #9 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 04:47 PM
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People will always have an opinion about what you need to do. I had my oldest and for a few years after I was hounded constantly by inlaws about how cruel it is to have just one, and how i had to have another, and how i had to give DH a baby boy.

For a while it annoyed me, I would get snarky and bite their heads off. The best way I found to shut them up was reply with a insanely random statement that had NOTHING at all to do with anything remotely of interest... ie) a camel's stomach is made up of 3 compartments. Besides being completely bewildered, they also had nothing to reply with. It shut them up in no time.

You live your life the way it is meant to be played out - not the way somebody wants it to be played out. I was a girl many would have thought would never settle down, become a wife and a mother - I was both before I was 24. That is what life had in store for me, regardless of what others thought or wanted.

Stop for a minute, open your mind, learn. You may not agree with what I say, I may not agree with what you say but we will both learn something new.
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post #10 of 12 Old 10-02-2013, 05:46 PM
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I was an OB/Gyn nurse at a University Teaching Hospital for 15 years. I saw it all, 12 year olds having babies, a 53 year old having twins ( after being told she would never be able to get pregnant, she was also a nurse and thought she had stomach cancer), I saw women who were happy they were pregnant and women going to therapy because they were pregnant. I met all kinds of pregnant women, but the one type of woman that always stood out to me and that I still respect today, is the one that knows she doesn't want children and she doesn't have any. One of my fellow nurses and lifelong friends didn't want children and I admired her for that. She didn't let her family or her husband at that time bully her into having any.

I applaud you for knowing what you want and sticking to it (even if your family is a little early).
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