What would you have done? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 12:30 AM Thread Starter
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What would you have done?

I meet this woman.We werenot dating, but was hanging out alot.
Both loved horses. In fact, she said that I could kept my horse on her place when I got one, 30 acres 3 horses. They needed the help, to kept it grazed down. She had two kids, no big deal. The kids' father is one of those real jerks, who wouldn't let it go. I didn't like it, but wasn't scaried eithier. I heared from a buddy who is closer to me than a brother : that she was in to drugs. This came from her brother who got them for her. She had told us, she quit years ago.

I quit talking to her, no telephone calls, no text messages, no nothing, in fact i left my saddle and a set of side pulls with her.And, i ain't going back to them. What would you guys of done?

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post #2 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 01:02 AM
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I think you should not have left her high and dry man. Now the question is, is she still doin drugs?

How long have you and this girl been talkin?

If she is still doin drugs then I would help her, but if she quit then I don't really see why there is a problem. Everyone makes mistakes.

course i can also see why you kinda backed off, which is a normal reaction, because you don't want to start conflict or anythin.

this could be a tricky one

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post #3 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 05:55 AM
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The question is, who is telling the truth and who is lying? How long ago did her brother supply her with drugs? is the brother lying? Showing off? Covering his own butt? Is this something she "went through" during a time period with the Ex? Their are too many unanswered questions.

People make stupid choices. Some are way worse than others. Some are public, some private. It's how we deal with the consequences of those choices that shape who we are.

This woman carries a lot of baggage....and it surely doesn't sound like a place safe enough for my horse. It is not your responsibility to deal with her drug issue, but it would have been seemly to explain to her why you don't want to hang out with her. No excuses, just flat out. Something like " I liked hanging with you, but i am NOT into the drug thing. " If she insists she has quite, simply say, "That's not what I have heard." If she is into you, understanding that you are making tracks not because of her personally, but because of her actions, well, that may be enough for her to change her ways ... IF she has not already stopped years ago.

Would have gone back for my saddle, though. Especially if you were only hanging out.

"There ain't no vaccine for stupidity* Maxine
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post #4 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 09:40 AM
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My personal opinion:

When dealing with situations like this, you need to make your own opinion of the situation, not let others bias you. What if those comments were said out of spite? Now because you left her high and dry, you'll never know. It would have been worth it to check it out, to be completely honest with the woman and say "Hey, whats up with this?". However, it sounds like you're the type of person that wouldn't have believed her even if she said she wasn't on drugs. So be it.

Personally, I'd go back and say "I enjoyed hanging out, but I heard you were strung out on drugs, and that isn't my deal." I wouldn't have left my saddle and some of my gear there, I'd at the very least go back for that, and give her an explanation as to why I fell off the face of the earth. Just taking off is kind of cowardly, and just because she MAY be on drugs doesn't mean she doesn't deserve an explanation.

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post #5 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 11:07 AM
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fake your own death...then pose as your twin and go get your saddle...sorry for not being serious...but this scenario was the first one that popped up in my head
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post #6 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 11:47 AM
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i would have asked her about it, did she look like she was into drugs? or even act like it? if she had two kids and horses then that doesnt seem really...plausuble, but its possible, i would talk to her tell her what that guy said and ask her for the truth

Our horses know our secrets; we braid our tears into their manes and whisper our hopes into their ears.
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post #7 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 01:26 PM
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In my experience and if I'm reading this right, The drug getter brother isn't exactly the best source for information. He may have been throwing her under the bus to justify his own use. I wouldn't have left it like you did for a couple of reasons. #1) I wouldn't leave my saddle behind #2) I would want to get some facts from her, you must have enjoyed her company too. What's the point of loosing a friend over a miscommunication? #3) Maybe the brother is jealous of her starting a good life and beginning to make friends. Perhaps his life is in the toilet and he doesn't want her to be happy if he's not. Drugs can twist you up pretty bad at times I have seen it with my own 2 eyes where people (relatives especially) will lie about their ex-drug buddies just because they don't want to be doing it(drugs) alone even if they are.

I would give her a call and say *suzie* I'm sorry I left you high and dry...ok...maybe not those words :P but something similar. And just be honest. I heard you were dopin' again and I bolted. Is it true? I care as a friend and I can't condone your actions. Sorry it ended this way -or- glad to hear you're clean. Then go for a ride and snatch up your saddle.

Its a tough spot you were put in and I think you should mend the fence.

Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

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post #8 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 02:00 PM
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Along the same lines...

You could say, "I've been wrapped up in my own life lately but have been thinking that I left things sort of unfinished with you and want to clear some things up so we can still be friends". Then ask her.

Yes old drug friends will try to sabotage someone who is moving on, for many reasons. You were friends with her, at least have the decency to talk to her about it.
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post #9 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 04:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rums_mom
Along the same lines...

You could say, "I've been wrapped up in my own life lately but have been thinking that I left things sort of unfinished with you and want to clear some things up so we can still be friends". Then ask her.

Yes old drug friends will try to sabotage someone who is moving on, for many reasons. You were friends with her, at least have the decency to talk to her about it.
Very well said, Mum.

"There ain't no vaccine for stupidity* Maxine
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post #10 of 12 Old 08-15-2008, 04:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rums_mom
Along the same lines...

You could say, "I've been wrapped up in my own life lately but have been thinking that I left things sort of unfinished with you and want to clear some things up so we can still be friends". Then ask her.

Yes old drug friends will try to sabotage someone who is moving on, for many reasons. You were friends with her, at least have the decency to talk to her about it.
I'm with Moxie, HK, DG, RM, and DAA--I really wanted to post something along these lines, but couldn't figure out how to word it. This is perfect!!!
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