I guess this is kinda a big rant of sorts, but I need to get this out!
Some of you may know that I sold my horse a few months ago. She was my first horse and I loved her so very much. I had owned her for 5 1/2 years. Did all her training myself, blah blah blah, you get the picture. In the end she was a very calm, level headed, trail horse. The only time I could really get her to move out was when I put an English saddle on her and put jumps in front of her. With me wanting to get into more speed events like barrels and stuff we were not a good fit. I ended up selling her to a really nice family that needed a good kid horse. I get updates with pictures, they love her. She got her happy ending.
I had planed on taking that money to buy a new horse. I planed wrong. My mom took the money to pay the closing cost on the house. She said she would pay me back. It's been several months and I haven't seen a single penny. Several horses that I really like and would have really liked to have gone out and looked at have come and gone.
Soon after I sold the horse my dad has now put my trailer up for sale. Fine with me we owe money on it, and I dont need it, never really did, it only holds all my tack.
Less than a month after I sold my horse, the dog I grew up with finally hit his time. I had to have him put down. I miss him so much, but it was cancer and there was nothing we could do.
A few weeks ago we re homed my 2 cats. I miss them, but I never did any thing with them. The male could open doors and he was keeping my dad up at night. They now live with a nice family that send me pictures on facebook.
My life revolves around animals, I can't live with out them. All I have left is my Jack Russell, and my mom has a cat. I surround my self with animals because I can't really say I have "friends" I have people that only like being around me when I just so happen to be around, but will ditch me the first chance they get. I don't understand why they do that. I try to be fun and happy around every one. I try to be welcoming. I try not be laugh at people when every one else is. I try not be the one causing the laughing at some one else's expense.
I have one friend that I've been friends with for over 10 years. She is now engaged, with a guy I don't like at all. But she's marrying him not me, (there is a whole list of reasons why I dont like him and it's not stuff I can share just know I hate him) I went to stay over at her house last week end. It turned into lets go hang out with my fiancé at the mall and you can sit there for 45 minutes while we make out. Then the rest of the weekend she was on the phone with him, or had me texting him so she could drive.
Other than her I have this one guy friend that I like to call the user. I've been "close" friends with him for 2 years. His girl friend dumped him at the beginning of the summer and they had been together for several years. He was rather crushed...and still is. He only wants me around or calls me when he needs some thing. I care a lot for him and I will always be there for him, but I can't take much more of him using me. I should be used to the way he treats me by now because this has happened so many time before. He views me as one of the guys. We will be hanging out and he will be staring at hot girls and then talk about there body's to me.
I also "manage" his band.
I'm almost 19 years old and had never been asked out ever! until 2 weeks ago.. come to find out all he wanted was sex. I don't believe in sex before marriage, and I don't like being viewed as a sex object.
I'm over weight, I'm 5,7 and 230 lbs. I know guys dont like me because of it. I know I'm not ugly, I'm not conceded or any thing but I know I'm not ugly. I'm just fat, so what, I don't look like a freaking tooth pick! I've tried to loose weigh but it just never happens. I dont get any support from my family. My dad calls me fat then takes me to Micky d's, instead of like I dont know eating at home?! He says that if the family is going out to eat I have to go eat with them, I cant stay home and eat. And God forbid I not eat out then eat some thing when we get home because it's "rude." He keeps junk food in the house all the time.
On top of all of that I'm home schooled. I spend most weeks some times months alone. I never get invited to any thing. I live on Facebook because that the only time I get to talk to people. My "friends" make fun of me because of all the time I spend on there. I try to stay off but it gives me panic attacks. I'm turning into a lunatic. I've become so bad that I have FB on my phone. I'm becoming hateful. I don't want to be this way but I can't help feeling like bashing stuff in. I feel like a prisoner. I cant have a job till I finish school and I don't have a car. My mom spends all her time doing school with my o so gifted little brother then doesn't have time for me. I try to do every thing I can on my own but I can't do every thing. I was supposed to graduate 2 years ago but I got behind because there is no time for me. My senior photos are due in a few months....still haven't had them done. not even an appointment.
I went for a walk with my dog deep into the woods, and I collapsed and cried harder than I have in years today. I don't think I've ever cried so hard. I tried to talk to my mom about how I've been feeling about all this. I've tried so many times. I don't even like talking to her any more because she never listens. Today she told me that I'm hard to live with and I'm draining her. My father told me I'm not getting another horse till I move out on my own, but he wants me to take the equine studies at the local collage. I want to go to school to be a dog groomer. He said he's not going to pay for it. Oh but wait...no job till I finish school! So he wants to waist my time and his money on some thing that I will never use. The other day he told me that the "gravy train" is going to end soon, and he's not going to pay for me forever. The economy is so bad here that I can't just go out and get a job. If I did he would kick me out any way because "I'm not fallowing what he wants for me" So no car and no place to live would be my future if I just went out and got a job. The rest of my family hates so they arn't going to let me move in with them. The only one that likes me lives in SC and she can barely take care of every thing she has to keep after. I'm going to go spend 3 weeks with her next month. For any one who remembers she is Stormy's owner.
I'm a mess, and so was that post if you read all that then...wow is all I have to say. Homemade horse cookies for you! Advice is appreciated