Show rider, if you can just "cowboy up" , more power to you. Some folks don't do well with the "buck up and just do it" attitude. They do better with a little bit at a time. You know which fits you the best.
One thing I feel certain about is that if you feel ashamed of being afraid, it only gives the fear more power. First it's important to state clearly to yourself and to anyone else you feel close with that you FEEL fear. Ok, now talk about WHAT you are afraid of. Bring it out in the open . Say it without judgement or self condemnation. The rider who gets on when afraid is the bravest of all.
Then find someone who will work with you and start off with something simple, and stay in your comfort zone. Each successful ride will allow you to approach the next one with more confidence and push the edge of you're comfort zone further and further out.
If it's any consolation to you, I got bucked off last week, and though I really want to try riding that horse again and see if I can do better, I feel an element of fear , regarding the horse rearing (he did that too.)
Thanks for the advice its really good to hear from everyone, I really can't exsplin what holds me back, I have seen him on a good day, And have seen him at his worst, I lack confidence really bad when it comes to him,
I always think " What if " I know I shouldnt but I do :(
I want to just go out there be boss saddle him up and enjoy the ride but I know that is going to come with time,
He knows how to test my buttons, He tests every rider.
When in the round yard he does things that I don't like that puts me off riding him, On ground lunging he will rear and he will try and walk all over me, Under saddle he is different, I am thinking of putting some money into him training wise, But id rather look at every option before he has to get to that.
I want this to be the horse I " Click " with, On a bad day he is a bad horse like he wont let you near him I want this said horse to be my good riding horse as his to die for, But if I want to go out and compete or something and his havin a bad day there goes my plans for the day, I want to be how to ride this one rather than going out buying a new one...
I just need to get passed the he may do this he may do that if I can get passed that I can go far with this boy I know I can... He has shown so much potential to all his riders that he can be a good riding horse.