I wasn't going to write this on here but thought I should inform yall that I will be gone for a while. Now before I even start telling yall anything, I want to let you know that this is not a sympathy plea or me asking for help because I'm not. I simply just wanted to inform everyone I will be gone a while.
Some of you already know my mom has terminal cancer. I am the one who cares for her and my little brother and sister. I also help on the farm and just got a job. My mom was doing "decent" up until last week. She has become bad enough that at times she is non-coherent and I am having to feed her and give her meds because she can't do it on her own. She also cannot walk on her own and at times cannot walk at all. She has had cancer since I was 6 years old and I am 21 years old now. This is the hardest thing I have ever done is to take care of her this way and watch her slowly go downhill. And know there is nothing I can do about it. She was such a strong woman and worked two jobs just to support me and my older brothers when I was young. She loved to ride and she was and is my dads whole world. At the young age of 35 she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She had to give up the one thing she loved, riding. When she had to stop my dad did because it wasn't fair to her. She has battled this for 15 years. I don't know of anyother person who could have made it this long. Over the years the cancer has spread and would go away for a while and then come back again. It went from colon to lung to brain. They have done endless amounts of surgery and last year we were told there was no more they could do, only to keep her comfortable. My heart breaks again everytime I think about loosing her for good. She was my best friend and I miss her so much in the sense of having someone to share everything with. And it is so hard at 21 years old to take care of all this and try to find a job. Also I never graduated and was wanting to go back and get my GED but I think I will put that on hold for a while. I wish I could bring her back the way she was but I know I can't. And I know this is going to sound really bad but I know when it is time she will be relieved in a way because she is in so much pain now. I'm sorry this got so long I just wanted to get some feelings out. I have held it in so long and I have to constantly hold it together for my siblings.
I will however pop in when I can but she is my main focous right now.
If anyone would like to keep in touch through e-mail pm me and I will give it to you.