I wasn't going to write this on here but thought I should inform yall that I will be gone for a while. Now before I even start telling yall anything, I want to let you know that this is not a sympathy plea or me asking for help because I'm not. I simply just wanted to inform everyone I will be gone a while.
Some of you already know my mom has terminal cancer. I am the one who cares for her and my little brother and sister. I also help on the farm and just got a job. My mom was doing "decent" up until last week. She has become bad enough that at times she is non-coherent and I am having to feed her and give her meds because she can't do it on her own. She also cannot walk on her own and at times cannot walk at all. She has had cancer since I was 6 years old and I am 21 years old now. This is the hardest thing I have ever done is to take care of her this way and watch her slowly go downhill. And know there is nothing I can do about it. She was such a strong woman and worked two jobs just to support me and my older brothers when I was young. She loved to ride and she was and is my dads whole world. At the young age of 35 she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She had to give up the one thing she loved, riding. When she had to stop my dad did because it wasn't fair to her. She has battled this for 15 years. I don't know of anyother person who could have made it this long. Over the years the cancer has spread and would go away for a while and then come back again. It went from colon to lung to brain. They have done endless amounts of surgery and last year we were told there was no more they could do, only to keep her comfortable. My heart breaks again everytime I think about loosing her for good. She was my best friend and I miss her so much in the sense of having someone to share everything with. And it is so hard at 21 years old to take care of all this and try to find a job. Also I never graduated and was wanting to go back and get my GED but I think I will put that on hold for a while. I wish I could bring her back the way she was but I know I can't. And I know this is going to sound really bad but I know when it is time she will be relieved in a way because she is in so much pain now. I'm sorry this got so long I just wanted to get some feelings out. I have held it in so long and I have to constantly hold it together for my siblings.
I will however pop in when I can but she is my main focous right now.
If anyone would like to keep in touch through e-mail pm me and I will give it to you.
Blue Eyed BLY~ 2/3/03
Calico Sonny Stockman x She's On Cloud Nine
I am so sorry to hear about your Mom....I can understand your feelings when you say that she would be relieved from her pain. I lost my Mom to cancer , she has been gone for 2 years. I also saw first hand the terrible toll it took on her body . She lived with cancer for 10 years, very good days and very bad days. I miss her everyday and there are a lot of times that I cry still. She had a love for horses and I am very proud that she introduced me to a wonderful of horses and riding. She was the strongest person that I have ever known and I strive to be like her. Her cool confidence even in the most stressful of times was always amazing to me. I try to be more like that.
My family will pray for you and your family , I know it is hard to stay strong when someone you love so much is in pain and you want to take their pain away from them.
If you ever need someone to talk to , although we do not know each other feel free to Message me anytime. Sometimes it helps just to release your feelings ....
Horses and children, I often think, have a lot of the good sense there is in the world.
Josephine Demott Robinson Feed, muck, groom, ride. Repeat daily!
You're a strong, brave young woman. I'll keep you and whole your family in my thoughts.
"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi." Pelle Miljoona - Varjo seuraa onneain
Really sorry to hear what you are going thru. I can't and won't try to understand what you are going thru, but know the horseforum family will always be here when you feel the time is right to come back.