Women keeping birth names... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 01:49 PM Thread Starter
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Women keeping birth names...

I always figured I would keep my birth (maiden) name whenever I got married...which I did over a year ago. I wanted to keep it because it was MY identity...a very original name that I loved...most people called me by that not my first name my whole life...and I didn't feel that "sharing a name" created unity...sounded like bologna to me...I mean love creates unity in a marriage not a name. But then we moved to east Texas...

People here seem to have a lot of trouble understanding the concept...including most of my husband's family...especially his grandmother.

We recently had a baby shower...and unfortunately I good chunk of his family couldn't find our registries online because they didn't KNOW my name!! (Which is kind of stupid because we've told them a 100 times...you think they would take the effort to learn it...and it was on the baby shower invitation.)

On one side it really really IRKS me that...people just ASSUME that I should have changed my name. I mean it's my identity...I graduated college with my name...published papers with my name...sold photography, designed websites, etc. with my name published on them...travelled, competed and won horse shows with MY name. "...a rose...were it not called a rose...by any other name smell as sweet?"

But on the other hand...since we've moved here it is a constant battle to explain to baptist republicans (no offense) my reasons for keeping my identity.

So should I just give in to societal pressures and change it?

Especially with the baby coming soon...we always assumed we would hyphenate her last name. But now I'm worried that the illiterates will whisper behind her back that we are not married or some other such nonsense. But what does that teach her later in life...that I just gave up my identity to cave in to these people's ideals instead of sticking to my guns?

That was long winded...but all opinions are welcomed.
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post #2 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 01:57 PM
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If you want to keep your name that way I think you should but I think they baby should have its own last name. cause to me it would be kinda complicated on the child part with like school and ect...

but thats my opinion :)

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post #3 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 02:48 PM
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what about a hypenable name?

your name-his name?

i know someone who was in a similar situation as you - had professionally published stuff etc....she did the hyphen thing, and goes by her husband's last name usually, but the whole shebang is on her drivers license etc. :)

hope that helps!

kickshaw
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post #4 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 03:07 PM
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Hmmm, I had never thought about your side of the discussion. I had always just concidered it a traditon to take your husbands name. Something to honor and be proud of. ( I can be miserably old fashioned sometimes) However where you are an accomplished multi-tasker and your name is plastered all over your work I feel that you have every right to be proud of yourself. ( keep your name) I don't feel that from what you posted that you are the type of gal that would ever be satisfied with "caving" in to pressure. SO ... My 2 cents are to do what you darn well please and you and your hubby make this decision. It's not the "family's" choice. Its yours! Good Luck!

Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

1 Chronicles 28:20








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post #5 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 04:31 PM
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I took my husbands name.. My name will always be my name... I'm always going to be me... I actually had thought about naming my son Boyd because that was my maiden name but then I went with Max because that's my grandfathers name.. but... YOu are always going to be who you are...

But really, if it means that much to you... then keep it and tell the world to KISS OFF! just... not us, cus we are your friends....
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post #6 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 05:13 PM
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I think you should stick to your guns and have it the way you want it. I used to have a hyphenated name when I was growing up, and I never had any issues with other people being rude about it. It's very difficult for people rooted in tradition to accept change (as i'm sure you've noted), but this last name issue doesnt make you any less of a person, or lesser part of the family if that makes sense. They'll just have to get used to it, and I'm sure they will. I wouldnt change it just because they want you to. You are you, and you shouldnt have change yourself or the way you feel to be a part of the family. They will most likely grow to be more accepting, it just takes time. :)

No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
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post #7 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 05:21 PM Thread Starter
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I forgot to add this one funny part of my rant in the first post...

My husband supports me no matter what my decision...

At one organization I showed in last season...my husband made a considerable effort to help out all year and volunteer...mostly because he is just that kind of great guy...but also so he wasn't bored to tears all day (he hates to admit it but horse shows are hard on him...not being a true blue horse person.)

Well at the end of the year the organization surprised him at the ceremony with a "Work Horse" Award...and announced Josh Mylastname. They mostly knew my last name from the points keeping and entry forms...knew we were married and just assumed that that was my married name. Woops. Anyway...he didn't mind and proudly walked up there to get his award...ever since he has come to realize that if I keep my last name he will probably be known by that at horse shows

I guess in the end we should just keep what we want and realize that at horse shows he will be mistakenly given my last name and at church and republican events I will be mistakenly given his last name. :P
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post #8 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 05:34 PM
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I'm with everyone else, do what you want to do and don't worry about what others think. A hyphenated name is no different then some other names like Billy Bob Smith or Suzie Jane Murphy. Yours will just be Billy Murphy Smith or Suzie Smith Murphy. If your child grows up and hates it he/she can always change it.
The decision is yours and your husbands, no one else matters.
I liked my husbands last name better than my maiden name (fewer letters ) and I had no professional affiliations with my old name.


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- Anatole France
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post #9 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 05:42 PM
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Don't give up! You're an indenpendent woman and you've a chance to keep your name if you think you want to keep it. Don't give a toss those outsiders which urge you to change your name. It's ok to think it with your husband but don't let anyone else impact on your decision.

I'm a some kind of feminist so I can't understand why woman should leave her fam and name and turn to her husband's fam and name. Especially if the maid name is significant to the woman.

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

Pelle Miljoona Oy - Varjo seuraa onneain

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post #10 of 12 Old 07-07-2008, 06:24 PM
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lol... I went from a super easy to pronounce name like Johnson to a totally messed up Czech name that noone can say. I never even thought about it really untill I was picking up some pre-natal vitamins and the pharmasist made mention that I had to have married into that name. I just laughed it off but then later realized that forever I would be spelling my last name. Even when we order pizza or make reservations we go by our first names, I bet some of our friends don't even know our last name.

Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

1 Chronicles 28:20








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