Is it worse to be ignored, or to keep being told what you don't want to hear?
 
 

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Is it worse to be ignored, or to keep being told what you don't want to hear?

This is a discussion on Is it worse to be ignored, or to keep being told what you don't want to hear? within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category
  • To be ignored is worse

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    08-27-2013, 05:16 PM
  #1
Trained
Is it worse to be ignored, or to keep being told what you don't want to hear?

I'm not sure on this one, if someone comes here and asks,

"I have a horse who is losing weight, the vet checked him over and there is no underlying issues, worming is done, his teeth are good, I think maybe now I'm working him more he needs more food. He is good grazing during the day and has free access to hay at night. I'm now riding him 6 days a week, so need a feed that will add weight and not make him too fizzy"

I would imagine that there will be lots and lots of helpful replies, some suggesting feeding regimes, some asking for more info, but I would expect a wide variety of replies, and maybe some lively discussions.

BUT

If someone come on and asks, is it OK to breed my mini mare to my neighbours 16.2hh warmblood, then the answer will probably be NO, it is not OK. Now what is worse here, if just the first poster says NO, and then everyone else says "oh that is what I would of said" and they add nothing? Or if you have 20 posts all agreeing that this is a poor idea.

That is an extreme case, because I can't think of a more 'middle of the road' type example, but if a person asks a question, then surely everyone is free to answer, and if I'm not sure about something then I may be swayed by the weight of opinion, rather than one person answering and wondering if that one person actually knows what they are talking about.

From the other side if it is a subject I feel strongly about, then I want to add my voice, because we all know this forum is about ME, a place where I can have my say, unlike real life where if you have trouble getting your words out, people wont wait for you! Everyone who posts here wants their voice to be heard, and even if it just agreeing with another view then surely they are entitled to post?
     
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    08-27-2013, 05:18 PM
  #2
Banned
Yes, I agree

ETA: being ignored happens for a lot of reasons, ie. The same type of question over and over again, saddle fitting is a good example.

If I ask a question, then I'm really curious to hear what everyone thinks more often than not, and usually if its a serious question then google is my friend;)
franknbeans likes this.
     
    08-27-2013, 05:53 PM
  #3
Green Broke
I agree about having several people give similar advice, but does it not get annoying to see someone or even multiple people post that same advice 2 or 3 pages later after the subject has moved on to another issue or the OP accepts the advice simply because they were too lazy to read? Or was it because they thought they would be the first one to offer that advice after 3 pages? Lol

Some of these thread starters just don't want to hear how to fix the problem the right way. They wanted someone to tell them how to fix it the way they wanted to.
     
    08-27-2013, 06:53 PM
  #4
Showing
I feel like that sometimes happens.. where one person answers and then everyone agrees to they like the post or post something similar.. and if someone else (usually the known-to-be-experienced) replies with the opposite thing, it gives the impression that the initial person was wrong, and all those that liked the post.

So I say neither.

Everyone should say exactly what they want to say without intentionally hurting the poster's feelings. Including personal attacks, questioning intelligence, assuming things without asking, criticizing their ways.

Now I need to work on these things too, since perception is EVERYTHING over the internet since we cannot detect tone or intent.. but lately I just see a lot of that going on.

They should never be ignored, but they need to be told different approaches even if they aren't up to hearing it. Life isn't peaches and cream..
     
    08-27-2013, 07:02 PM
  #5
Green Broke
I've got a philosophy in life, if you don't want to hear an opinion you may not like than don't ask for an opinion.
Missy May likes this.
     
    08-27-2013, 08:59 PM
  #6
Super Moderator
Just a friendly reminder… it’s perfectly ok to discuss a large variety of topics here on the Horse Forum. However, please be mindful that posts fall within the guidelines here-

Quote:
Conscientious Etiquette Policy

The Horse Forum was created so that people can discuss horses in a friendly, fun, helpful environment. While the Horse Forum is open to the public, we reserve the right to restrict access to those who undermine our efforts to preserve the character of the community.

Please exercise what we call conscientious etiquette when you post. This means that you keep the objective of preserving the forum's friendly, fun, helpful environment in the forefront of your mind as you write your message.

If your post is nasty, condescending, rude, etc., regardless of how subtle, and whether shrouded in the form of opinion or otherwise, it is subject to be removed and your access to the Horse Forum may be restricted.

This applies to the Critique forum as well. People come here because they are passionate about their horses. Naturally, a biting critique about an animal a person is passionate about can be very hurtful. While a request for critique implicitly invites criticism, the sensitive nature of such topics is all the more reason to post conscientiously, keeping the other person's feelings in mind.

Our interest in preserving the nature of the community trumps our interest in allowing everyone to share their opinion here. If you can't share your opinion in such a way so as to preserve the friendly, fun, helpful nature of the community, don't.

Please exercise conscientious etiquette when you post. Please use the alert button to notify the Horse Forum Staff when you read something by somebody who clearly hasn't.

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Now back to your regularly scheduled programming…
TaMMa89 and SouthernTrails like this.
     
    08-27-2013, 09:22 PM
  #7
Yearling
Within a single thread where advice is requested, there can be such differing points of view.

So as to not touch close to home, I will use a scuba forum I also belong to.

It if very common for someone to post about gear and find that there are two, maybe three STRONG opinions about that gear.

Group 1 - YOU WILL DIE IF YOU USE THAT BRAND (cuz it's not the brand I use and trust)

Group 2 - YOU WILL DIE IF YOU USE THAT IN SALT WATER (cuz I can't afford to travel to the BVI and Coz, so I am a purist about diving in lakes and quarries.)

Group 3 I love it and highly recommend the gear (because it's all I coould afford)

Um, who is right? The group that believes if it is not a particular brand of gear you will die or the group that uses the same gear regularly and lived to tell the story?

I have Googled so many topics related to horse ownership and have walked away wondering why anyone would own a horse. If they don't eat every 5 minutes they will colic. If they eat too much they will colic. If they stand on 3 legs with the right back leg further than 5 inches from the left back leg; colic.

My husband is about ready to take my ipad, iphone, and laptop away from me because every decision I make after researching I find valid arguments why my decision was a poor one. And then I freak out.



My innards have been twisted in knots over the recent decisions to move to a new barn, buy a horse trailer (That one is causing me loss of sleep) and buy a new saddle because there are SO many people with very strong feelings about their beliefs.

I was reading about horse trailers on another forum, and OMGOODNESS don't go there. If it is not a 3 horse slant gooseneck with a self-loading conveyer that has lined and padded walls, A/C for the horses, an emergency exit, pneumatic shocks and brakes, and TV so the horses don't get bored or lonely tooling down the highway THEY WILL DIE. If You can't buy this type of trailer - DON'T BUY ONE. Save your money until you can afford a trailer worth more than some people's homes.

I am ready to wrap Sam in bubble wrap the next time I load him onto a trailer I am so frightened.

It is frustrating to read someone who is obviously making careless decisions (I love the OPs analogy of breeding a mini to a 16h horse).

My way of making sense of the original poster's question. For the people that want reassurance, it is easy to take away all confidence. For the people that just want to stir the pot; it is easy to give them a show to watch.

Before the Internet, you had to go to the library or buy a book or you received advice from one or two select people you hoped had more knowledge than you. The differing opinions were limited and the fly-by "hey how do I do this" wasn't invited yet.

I'm rambling.

(And some people don't listen because they just can't afford to listen. Some solutions cost real money).

Can someone pass the popcorn please?
     
    08-27-2013, 09:30 PM
  #8
Yearling
Then of course, there is the occasional random post that completely misses the OP's original POINT and writes a novel length reply that can't even possibly tie into the original question, because he (she) failed to actually READ the whole posting, read a single line, took it out of context and then rambled on for paragraphs.

Not that anyone (cough cough) would really do THAT.

We need a delete key for these moments.
tinyliny and Lockwood like this.
     
    08-27-2013, 09:54 PM
  #9
Trained
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyseternalangel    
I feel like that sometimes happens.. where one person answers and then everyone agrees to they like the post or post something similar.. and if someone else (usually the known-to-be-experienced) replies with the opposite thing, it gives the impression that the initial person was wrong, and all those that liked the post.

So I say neither.

Everyone should say exactly what they want to say without intentionally hurting the poster's feelings. Including personal attacks, questioning intelligence, assuming things without asking, criticizing their ways.

Now I need to work on these things too, since perception is EVERYTHING over the internet since we cannot detect tone or intent.. but lately I just see a lot of that going on.

They should never be ignored, but they need to be told different approaches even if they aren't up to hearing it. Life isn't peaches and cream..
The bolded bit is the most difficult thing to do, it is so very easy to unintentionally hurt someone's feelings, because we all have very different thresholds, and when you have a global community, as this is, sometimes things are taken very differently than the way that they were intended.

The assumption part, also so difficult, so often we are working with limited info in the original post, and it is human nature to fill in the gaps, and once again, with our different backgrounds and experiences it is very easy to paint the wrong picture.
     
    08-27-2013, 11:16 PM
  #10
Super Moderator
Quote:
Originally Posted by AQHSam    
then of course, there is the occasional random post that completely misses the OP's original POINT and writes a novel length reply that can't even possibly tie into the original question, because he (she) failed to actually READ the whole posting, read a single line, took it out of context and then rambled on for paragraphs.

Not that anyone (cough cough) would really do THAT.

We need a delete key for these moments.
Yep, nope.. I never do that.

**swirls toe around in the dirt while looking innocent...**
     

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