The Horse Forum banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

Wanting a horse's love

8K views 35 replies 17 participants last post by  Nokotaheaven 
#1 ·
Many moons ago when I was a teen, bonding with a horse wasn't something we even thought about. We all enjoyed the horses, respected them and demanded good manners in return. It wasn't a matter of wanting the horse to love us nor us needing to love on and cuddle the horse. We groomed them, rode them, and put them away and left them to be horses. None were barn sour or herd sour. People that I knew rarely ran into difficulties with their horses. Something changed and now people, women want the horse to love them and have this idea that demanding respect is akin to a beating. Because of this we hear of many many cases where the horse has no respect for it's owner. I sometimes wonder where I was during the transition period.
 
#3 ·
Sometimes I think if I hear the word 'respect' one more time I'll scream because far too many people seem to think it involves running a horse around until its fit to drop and then when it comes to you because its totally exhausted and bored they cry out in delight that they've bonded with it and it respects them!!!
If you make clear boundaries for your horse, treat it fairly, take care of it on a daily basis - not just when you want to ride and drag it in from the field once a week - then they respect you and trust you
I used to head off on my own when I was 11 or 12 and be out all day - I'm not sure I could say that pony loved me but she certainly did take good care of me!!!
 
#7 ·
Are you sure you don't have on some rose colored glasses today? when I was a teen, teen girls always wanted a horse to love them. they didn't just ride them and put them away. the love affair fantasy was alive and well, 40 years ago.

Well, we never talked about "bonding" with a horse, I honestly didn't expect my ponies to love me but I honestly think that it is only over time that I have started to understand what they are capable of :wink:
 
#5 ·
It's not just women. I've met my fair share of men who wanted to love a horse into being trained.

Also, I don't think that it's necessarily more common, but I do think it's more commercialized. After all, 20 years ago I never would have known anything about all those silly teens running around on youtube making fools of themselves but now it seems I can't get on youtube without being bombarded by 20-30 of them daily.
 
#6 ·
Certainly when I was a girl most people didn't have a pony or horse unless they'd first learnt how to ride it and had someone on hand to help them learn how to care for it - nowadays they seem to hurl themselves in at the deep end
Most ponies and horses were broke by people who knew what they were doing too and a beginner almost always bought or leased a real schoolmaster
There were very few 'pasture puffs', people couldn't or wouldn't afford to keep a horse that did nothing - other than a few people who kept a retired one as a companion for a riding horse. If they were no good physically or mentally they went to the kennels or to the slaughter yard if you wanted some cash out of it
 
#8 ·
Even when I was a little kid I understood that the horses "loved" the treats I gave them more then they "loved" me. Lol In all seriousness though, I wish the whole idea of loving your horse into respecting you, would disappear. I've had to fix way too many horses that were "trained" this way. It's total crap and so many people get hurt by those kind of ideals because their horse has become dangerous.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chasin Ponies
#15 ·
Thanks! I couldn't agree more!



Thank you and well said! Yes, my horses recognize the sound of my truck and talk to me as I enter the barn. Yes, they seem genuinely happy and excited to see me but do I believe they love me-No! They trust me, respect me enough to behave correctly and "love" the treats.
Dogs were bred specifically to love their humans, but horses were bred to be a working tool.
That said-I certainly do love them despite the fact that the feeling is not returned equally!
 
#10 ·
I was always taught that any "love" from the horses came from years and years of a working partnership between the two of you. It wasn't the lovey-dovey teenager youtube crap, it was having a horse that would rip his heart out of his chest to do anything you asked of him. Love for me is having the horse that always worked for you, had good manners, and that never left you behind. For these reason I do believe that my two love me. A safe and working partnership with the horse is first priority for me, any form of love can come later because it's built on years of respect and work, not fifteen minuets a day and you can ride without tack.

Then again I was taught that "bonding" was knowing the individual horse inside and out and know how to communicate with them. One of my instructors would just send me out in the field to watch the horse I was going to ride in the herd because I needed to know what and how he thought, know his movements and basically be able to read him like an open book. I had to figure out how to calm him, how to communicate with him under saddle and on the ground and how to earn his trust/respect/get good results from him.

(And I've seen a lot of men baby their horses as well, it isn't just women :wink:)
 
#12 ·
The word discipline is often confused with hitting a horse. Discipline is the teaching of. A disciple is an old term for teacher. When I'd owned a horse for 23 years I greatly respected him because I knew his likes and dislikes and he knew mine. By the time he was 8 we communicated on a level I didn't know was possible.
 
#13 ·
How true, and I'm one of them....but I baby my wife too.....and if you have a good one....(horse or wife), then why not? I tell both of them everyday how much I love them...and don't see myself changing anytime soon....

That said, there are times when a stern correction is necessary...but from my point of view...I don't think a lot of correction is necessary provided you correct at the proper time and only use the force necessary to get the lesson taught....

Besides....Miss Lacy has the biggest, bluest eyes with long lashes....and she bats them at me so sweetly.....she's a heart stealer.....so yea....I love my horse....
 
#14 ·
You love your horse but are you expecting the same kind of love in return? This is what I'm referring to. I'm not sure if I love my horses per se. I do enjoy being around them on a daily basis. Boarding them out would be much easier in winter but then the place would be empty without them. And we get -35F. I'm out there 3 times a day.
 
#16 ·
You love your horse but are you expecting the same kind of love in return?
No, she's a horse.....she loves me when I feed her....and she loves me when I groom her.....and when I take her places......I don't think horses can show the same type of love, but still, I get an enormous amount of pleasure from her....she's my big blue eyed baby....
 
#18 ·
I've found that horses seek out your company more when they're disciplined (as in, made to behave, not beaten or anything like that). They feel secure with an assertive leader. Babying them ironically has the opposite effect.
 
#19 ·
Jessabel that was certainly my experience years ago when Walka was young. Walka became calmer and mellower after I was trained in how to be a leader to him. The change was simply amazing to me, and because of me! Which meant that I of course was the problem to begin with! :shock:
 
#22 ·
While I do believe that this is true most of the time I do think that horses are capable of actually loving a human. My trainers ex show horse is treated the same by both of us. We discipline the same, treat him the same, etc. If I (in example) were to get on him and ask him to do something that he absolutely hated he would balk and fuss. With her, he would go over the moon to get it done.

I don't have any sort of "black stallion" disillusionment, my gelding is many things, when it comes to the fact that at the end of the day I'm the almighty feed bag. However, I do think that he loves me to a degree. I can ask him to do something out of his league for me and he would kill himself to do it. Maybe that's loyalty but I think that with any form of loyalty there comes a certain amount of love.

What I'm trying to say is that I do believe horses are capable of loving humans but I don't think it's shown as obviously as people think it is and I don't think it comes after a few months of owning the horse - I think it comes after a few years.
 
#21 ·
I can personally say I love my horses, probably would save them before a person. However I don't believe they love me, they like when I tickle them or feed them but when I'm training anyone of them love goes out the window and respect is what I ask for.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#23 ·
Ok so here is a little different question. Do u think your horse would mourn your lose? This can be seen by a horse when another herd member dies.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#24 ·
That is a dang fine question and sometimes I really wonder just how much horses understand and feel.

We got Nester from an old cowboy friend just before he (the cowboy friend) passed away. His funeral procession went right by our pasture on the way to the cemetery. As the hearse turned the corner, our entire herd, led by Nester, went to stand along the fenceline in a row and watched all the cars drive by. As soon as the funeral procession was done, they slowly walked back to their hay bale...and Nester was the last to leave the fenceline.

Now, I'm sure there are some that would say it was nothing more than coincidence, and that's entirely possible, but it sure made me wonder. :think:
 
#26 ·
I'm really starting to get into this thread. haha

I think that horses do mourn, people, other animals I think when someone leaves who they love then they grieve.
A year ago my mare lost her "boyfriend". They were in the same herd and did everything together for the past eight or nine years. They weren't herd bound in the slightest to one another and never had a problem leaving the others side because as soon as they were together again they went off together. He was dying and we brought him up to the barn so that the vet could look at him and my mare busted through six fences and a gate to stand by his side. She wasn't tethered or haltered at all and in an open area where she could have just run off. When he was being put to sleep she stood over him, laid down with him and when it was all said and done she didn't leave his body for days, didn't even wander out of the property line. When she went back into the field she just walked around and looked like she was mourning. If I had any doubts that a horse could mourn death than she cleared it all away from her actions.

If a horse can mourn a horse then can't it mourn a human as well? As people we mourn the loss of a dog and another human it may not be as drastic or the same but it's mourning. Also everything grieves differently. I think certain horses can mourn the loss of a person and not show it at all while others make it quite obvious. I know I've had several instances with horses and other animals that have made me think that they do grieve and have their own sort of funeral for the deceased. I've seen horses stand over the grave where one was buried and just wait, I watched a horse where we boarded lose his owner, when they carried her body out he followed the ambulance down the lane and was disconsolate for quite some time, and I've seen horses wait for their people and won't move until their person arrives.

I do believe that a big difference and maybe why we question if a horse mourns is because they continue on with their lives. (As harsh as it might sound). I've noticed that in humans when a person dies it takes a bit longer than it does a horse to accept the death and move on (not in a completely normal sense but in a "as best we can" sense). Horses (and animals in general) seem to realize better than us at times, that death is an inescapable fact of life. They seem to know that they need to reflect on the good times and continue living life to the fullest because eventually it will be their turn. Just my thoughts.
 
#27 ·
Saddlebag--How do you know that they are incapable? To say that a horse is incapable of loving a human, would that not also suggest that they are incapable of loving at all?

I am under the impression that horses have the ability to feel affection, or love.
 
#29 ·
A horse that's kept alone will welcome company, be it a human, dog, cat, goat. If a horse loves a person then it won't immediately run off or attempt to when another horse shows up? If the horse loves a human then it will be always obedient, never put the rider at risk with a buck or spook.
 
#31 ·
I love my mother, but I don't always obey her. Why would I expect my horse to obey me just be cause he/she loves me?

I think every horse has their own unique personalities and will display affection and emotion in their own way. My beloved mare T was very stoic and was the head mare in a group of about twenty horses. When I would go out to get her she would come to me but run the other horses off from being too close to me. At the same time she would follow my directions and certainly always minded her manners around me. Did she love me? I'd like to think she had affection for me. While she was opinionated and let me know, she would follow my wishes after expressing her own. Yes, she saw me as the leader, or did she see me as a worthy partner? I'd love to acquire that relationship with Walka or Misty, but may never because of their own unique personalities.

When T passed I personally watched Walka grieve for her. It was his final acceptance of her not physically being there any longer that helped me get a handle on my own grief. He had never known a moment without his mother except for the weekends she was away with me on overnight trailrides. When she passed he knew almost instantly and began screeching for her. Very traumatic, very emotional. When he called the last time for her the next day (he called for her throughout the night) after checking every possible place she could be, he came to me and put that big head on my chest to be rubbed and never uttered another sound. Simply amazing to me.

So I think each horse feels emotions but like people, there are many different personalities and they therefore demonstrate their emotions differently. My girl T kept alot inside, Walka let's you know exactly what's going on with him. Misty is still showing me her personality.
 
#32 ·
I can understand a horse seeking solace with it's owner. As for love, it's often something I hear from newbies. "I want my horse to love me". What is missing in their life that they need this large animal to love them? This is an issue that has arisen in the last 20 yrs or so. Horses were thought of as livestock, not to be abused, but being loved by a horse wasn't an expectation or desire or even crossed their mind.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top