Far out girl, these are a HUGE improvement on the last ones I saw from you. You have really improved on your use of tones so that now they are starting to look far more realistic.
The eye is very good, just try to get a little braver with your close up work and use those nice deep tones to really bring the eye out of the page. Don't be afraid to put a little true black into some areas, and leave some areas white. This is what makes a drawing interesting and eye catching ;)
As for commissions, mate you've only just started offering them, as I said in your commission thread a couple of weeks ago, don't expect to get bombarded with commission requests from the get-go, and what ever you do, do NOT get disheartened by this. It is not a reflection of the quality of your work as such, but more so because I have found that commissions tend to sell more through word of mouth than direct advertising. So just hang in there patiently, keep practicing and working on getting those nice deep tones, and find that you get yourself your first commission in no time. But please don't start thinking that you're no good!! Again like I said before, selling commission works is not something that is easy by any means particularly when you're starting out. Hell, i have times where I am going flat out and worried that I won't make dead lines, and a few months later I will have nothing at all! So don't stress yourself over it, commissions will come in time :)