Bartering services with another boarder - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 09:47 AM
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I would broach the matter by getting the two of them or at least your friend and start by saying that you are not happy with this new arrangement. I would then spell out the problem - being told that things have changed but never being asked your thoughts - then doing more work but getting less in return. This isn't working for you. I'm assuming they need you as much as you need them so them telling you that you are out, isn't going to happen.
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I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

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post #12 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 09:55 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Joe4d View Post
I would have handled it along time ago and wouldnt have needed to post a thread on a forum about it.
I guess I cant comprehend the total lack of fortitude on your part.
Someone else volunteered YOUR labor in a deal that benefited these two other people, with out your say so, or fore knowledge and you just went along with it and dont know how to approach the issue ? I just cant grasp how someone can be that way.
Just tell them NO, jeeze loiuse, stand up for yourself. , UMMm Excuse me but I wont be tending your horses any longer.
The thing with the extra horse just started 2 days ago!!! Your answer still doesn't leave room for the fact that I still need to get along with these ladies and work something out, not burn bridges.
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post #13 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 10:01 AM
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I agree with you, Cinny.

Joe's approach isn't going to win you their cooperation, rather you will end up with their anger....which is DEFINATELY going to be felt by you, and possibly even by your horse.

You don't catch flies with vinegar, as the saying goes.

However, you will need to be kind yet assertive.....because people tend to walk all over you if they feel they can.

so Joe was right about that.....do NOT be a doormat.
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post #14 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 10:04 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks guys. I called my friend and left a voice mail asking if she I and the other person can arrange to meet at the stable this weekend and rework the schedules now that there are more horses and people involved in our scheduling and holidays coming up and whatnot. I explained that I do not have the other person's number so if she could ask her to come too, that would be great. I am also working out a proposed schedule to bring with me to start off with that seems fair and equal. They each have two horses and I have one, but the other person has yet ANOTHER person taking care of her other horse as it is stalled on the other end of our stable. (I'm starting to think this woman likes to try to shrug off her horses on other people but I'll keep that to myself). Not sure if she wants us to just help with the rescue or both her horses, I don't know. But I think proposing a new schedule would be the best way to start.
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post #15 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 10:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinnys Whinny View Post
What I need is how to start to approach her about this. I know I'm getting the raw end. How do I begin the conversation? I'm not very good with words in person and tend to piss people off because I just don't know how to talk to people in person. I need to know how you guys would approach it, that is the question here.

I did start bringing the other horse in because I didn't want her left in the turn out cold and hungry (it's been under 15 degrees here at night). She is an OTTB rescue that is already sick and lame from improper care by her previous owner and it's not her fault that her care was shoved onto someone else like this. I need to find the words to tell my friend that this isn't fair to me without turning this into a big war, because I don't want it to be a big huge fight, it makes it unpleasant for everyone else at the stable, not just us if we are arguing and fighting and mad at each other.
I don't know if you missed my previous post or if you just didn't like the advice (which is fine - it's ok to disagree).

Again, I would be very matter of fact about this and leave the emotions out of it. To start, "Hi Jane. How are you! Got a minute?... I seem to have taken on some added responsiblity here and I was wondering if you, me and Sue could revisit who is looking after the horses on which days to be certain that we are all equally sharing the workload, and that we are each receiving equal benefits from this arrangement.... Can we start with you reviewing the agreement you made with her because it isn't entirely clear to me what that was and what my involvement is understood to be."

THen let her explain and go from there. If she says that you have no responsibilities to the other woman's horse then explain that you found the horse was going to be left out in the cold which leads you to wonder whether the other rider does in fact need additional help. Also comment on where your expectation that your friend is looking after your horse on certain days as per your original agreement is no longer being met.

The thing is to be willing to listen and negotiate and don't be afraid to say, "I'd like to find a mutally beneficial solution, however the current arrangements are not working out for me. Would you consider looking after my horse's food and turnout on Tuesday and Thursday if I look after both horses on Monday and Wednesday?"

Again, if they balk at the thought of making things equitable then you

can either accept the short end of the stick or tell them that you regretfully will no longer be a part of their horse's care. And remember too, that things are not always 100% equal. As long as everyone is happy, that is all that matters in the end.

As a side note, you might want to look in to Toastmasters as a way to help with your communication skills. It is an excellent club!

catsandhorses is an American living in Ireland and riding mostly XC with "Bob". She is looking forward to buying a new horse when she returns to the U.S. in January'2012!
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post #16 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 10:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinnys Whinny View Post
Thanks guys. I called my friend and left a voice mail asking if she I and the other person can arrange to meet at the stable this weekend and rework the schedules now that there are more horses and people involved in our scheduling and holidays coming up and whatnot. I explained that I do not have the other person's number so if she could ask her to come too, that would be great. I am also working out a proposed schedule to bring with me to start off with that seems fair and equal. They each have two horses and I have one, but the other person has yet ANOTHER person taking care of her other horse as it is stalled on the other end of our stable. (I'm starting to think this woman likes to try to shrug off her horses on other people but I'll keep that to myself). Not sure if she wants us to just help with the rescue or both her horses, I don't know. But I think proposing a new schedule would be the best way to start.

Sounds great!! Just remember to stick to your guns!! DO not let them browbeat you into accepting anything other than equitable and fair care and treatment of Cinny!!!!You will not only be standing up for yourself, but even more so...for your HORSE!!!
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post #17 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 10:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinnys Whinny View Post
Thanks guys. I called my friend and left a voice mail asking if she I and the other person can arrange to meet at the stable this weekend and rework the schedules now that there are more horses and people involved in our scheduling and holidays coming up and whatnot.
Excellent way to start. Be sure to stress though that even after the holidays, the schedule needs to stick.
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post #18 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 10:38 AM Thread Starter
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I have also worked out a back up plan, in case things don't go well. The BO is willing to take care of Cin the 2 days that I absolutely can't get down there and turn out in the mornings when he does the full serve horses, for just a smidge extra board. I can put this plan into effect if it looks like it's not going to work out with my friend anymore. He does do full serve too, but he buys the hay and bedding and frankly I don't like his hay, don't like his bedding (he uses heat fuel pellets) and I don't like the guy he has doing it so it's not really an option for me worth doing every day.
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post #19 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 10:44 AM
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Sounds like you have a good start. I didn't see it specifically mentioned, so thought you are trying to stay polite, I'd also highly suggest that you mention Cinny hasn't been getting turned out and you aren't happy about that, and make sure they realize that is a problem. There's no reason for you not to let them know you aren't happy. You paid for the service with your labor, so you should get the service. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and you want them to know that you will not tolerate them not holding up their end of the bargain.

Be an assertive leader, and they will respect you for it.
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post #20 of 32 Old 12-02-2011, 11:11 AM
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A meeting is a very good idea. hopefully i can attend. Believe it or not i can be a very good negotiator if needed lol. For those of you that say she should go in there "guns-a-blazin" is not very good advice in this situation. These particular women need to be handled delicately. One of her friends involved is a semi-powerful politician and the other is a barn owner favorite. both whom you would want to keep as friends in case "a favor" is needed. We could swing a full care situation but i dont think its needed at this time. Things were working ok till this 3rd wheel got involved.
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