Originally Posted by Cinnys Whinny
What I need is how to start to approach her about this. I know I'm getting the raw end. How do I begin the conversation? I'm not very good with words in person and tend to piss people off because I just don't know how to talk to people in person. I need to know how you guys would approach it, that is the question here.
I did start bringing the other horse in because I didn't want her left in the turn out cold and hungry (it's been under 15 degrees here at night). She is an OTTB rescue that is already sick and lame from improper care by her previous owner and it's not her fault that her care was shoved onto someone else like this. I need to find the words to tell my friend that this isn't fair to me without turning this into a big war, because I don't want it to be a big huge fight, it makes it unpleasant for everyone else at the stable, not just us if we are arguing and fighting and mad at each other.
I don't know if you missed my previous post or if you just didn't like the advice (which is fine - it's ok to disagree).
Again, I would be very matter of fact about this and leave the emotions out of it. To start, "Hi Jane. How are you! Got a minute?... I seem to have taken on some added responsiblity here and I was wondering if you, me and Sue could revisit who is looking after the horses on which days to be certain that we are all equally sharing the workload, and that we are each receiving equal benefits from this arrangement.... Can we start with you reviewing the agreement you made with her because it isn't entirely clear to me what that was and what my involvement is understood to be."
THen let her explain and go from there. If she says that you have no responsibilities to the other woman's horse then explain that you found the horse was going to be left out in the cold which leads you to wonder whether the other rider does in fact need additional help. Also comment on where your expectation that your friend is looking after your horse on certain days as per your original agreement is no longer being met.
The thing is to be willing to listen and negotiate and don't be afraid to say, "I'd like to find a mutally beneficial solution, however the current arrangements are not working out for me. Would you consider looking after my horse's food and turnout on Tuesday and Thursday if I look after both horses on Monday and Wednesday?"
Again, if they balk at the thought of making things equitable then you
Can either accept the short end of the stick or tell them that you regretfully will no longer be a part of their horse's care. And remember too, that things are not always 100% equal. As long as everyone is happy, that is all that matters in the end.
As a side note, you might want to look in to Toastmasters as a way to help with your communication skills. It is an excellent club!