Fellow Boarder Issues - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 02:24 PM Thread Starter
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Fellow Boarder Issues

I think I'll do more venting here than searching for advice lol. Well, I have an issue at the place I board at with another boarder. My barn has never been a drama barn, any issues have been handled quickly and fairly since it's mostly adults save for me(16). This however has taken things to a whole other level.
A lady there is having her life flipped upside down. And the people would love to help if the lady hadn't been rude for the past couple years to them. It's been a build up of problems over the years...she wouldn't come up to work(she works off her board) she would show up drunk, she brought shady people with her, she was insensitive when the BO's mother passed away. She's scammed the BO's out of thousands of dollars when they tried to help other times, so they learned their lesson to not help again.
Back to her life flipping over, she asked the BO's for money. They naturally said no. The lady freaked out, swearing the BO out, making her cry and trying to turn boarders agaisnt them. The BO snapped and said she needed to leave NOW. The lady tried to convince the other boarders to leave after that. Now, none of us want to leave as we love it there, and we don't mind if the girl leaves since she has caused issues with all of us.
Well, I was going to stay out of it since it wasn't my fight. But she continued to message me, post on my wall about leaving and so on. I kept telling her to leave me alone. She never did. Eventually, the issue progressed to her extremely insaulting the BO and the rest of the boarders. I snapped and said "BO has never done any wrong to you or anyone. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way. For her to snap, you must have crossed a major line. Please don't make the situaution worse"
Like I said earlier, I know I shouldn't have gotten involved. But I WILL NOT allow my BO to get attacked like that. The other comments on her status her brutal. Calling her several awful names, saying she should be killed, etc. I was not the only one to comment something like that, actually I was the nicest comment in the BO's favor! But soon after I got messages from her and several of her friends(strangers). They weren't good to say the least, I got called every name in the book of swear words, I was threatned(life, my horse's life) but from her friends only.
I dealt with it by telling her friends "I admire that you are standing up for your friend. But I don't know you and you probably don't know me. So, please leave me alone" I dealt with her by saying one message " I will not stand by and watch you attack BO. She is a fantastic person, and doesn't need people like you doing that to her. I was your last friend there, I was helping you all the time and I was the person you came to for problems. How dare you talk to me like that. How dare you talk to BO like that. I have lost all respect for you. Stop messaging me, and tell your freinds the same thing." That was the last message I sent to her. However, she continued to slam me with messages and so did her friends.
I have since unfriended her and blocked her. I have apoligized to the BO if I caused additional problems. She said I didn't and that it only enforced her actions of kicking her out. My issue is, this lady is crazy...She has had issues like this before and in revenge, has stolen items and hurt horses. My equipment has been photographed, my best things have been taken home. However, I can't take my horse home and the BO's do work elsewhere. I am concerned on my horse's safety. What should I do? I will not apologize to this lady as, with the words she used on me, she doesn't deserve it. So, is there any way I can protect my horse from this lady?
Thanks for the help guys! Please don't yell at me for my actions, I know they stepped over the line but WILL NOT stand by and watch someone I care about getting attacked.
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post #2 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 02:37 PM
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You did not cross a line imo you were a lot nicer than I would have been by far. Personally I feel that you're within your right (especially if she has a history of acting out her threats) to tell the BO you fear for your horses safety and expect them to either put security there or remedy the solution somehow. If it was me I would be out there with a shotgun and inform her she was not to touch my horse (though being sixteen that might not be a good idea for you ;) ). I wouldn't suggest locking him in anywhere as that might simply provoke someone to either set fire to the barn or simply cut the lock.

Either way good luck that situation is no fun. I would also inform the police of her threats. Especially since you are a minor they will take notice. If all else fails I would head out to the barn and stay there when the BO isn't there to see if her or her cronies would be coming out (and maybe bring a friend or your parents).
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post #3 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 03:00 PM
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All the BO needs to do is put up a sign "This property under surveillance camera."

That normally deters the troublemakers.

Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.
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post #4 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 03:17 PM
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They make dummy surveillance cameras that look just like the real thing and even have a "power" indicator light. A few of those conspicuously placed around the property might not be a bad thing, along with a sign as RGF suggested.

My question to you is this: if you knew this lady was trouble and you saw the things she was posting, why did you let it go so long, and let it escalate so much, before unfriending her?
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post #5 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 03:18 PM
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I will say I think you should have probably stayed out of it, and not said anything. Even if the BO was being insulted, it wasn't your place to step in.

But that's all water under the bridge, so to speak, and I am appalled at the way this woman is behaving. O.O How old is she?! She sounds like a child... particularly considering she is flinging threats, and getting people (her friends) that you don't even know involved. To me, that's just ridiculous.

I would have the BO post something about the property being under surveillance. More than that, I would actually put up video cameras outside the tack room, and your horse's paddock/stall. If your horse is in a pasture/paddock, maybe consider locking it?

Furthermore, I would consider forwarding these threats to the police. Maybe give them a heads up (Hey, if this continues I am forwarding all messages and contact information to the police).
What do your parents have to say about all this?
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post #6 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 03:27 PM
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My personal philosophy in dealing with crazy people is "Let sleeping dogs lie". Or, in this case, "Leave the snakes in their own basket."

In other words, just let it alone.

A hard lesson to learn is that you don't NEED to step in or react any time someone is being nasty or namecalling online. Unless the person is threatening you or your horse's safety, or someone else's horse/safety, they are best left alone. It is a nice idea to stand up for people, but it sounds like your BO already took care of the issue by asking her to leave.

As a suggestion, you might go directly to your BO and tell her how much you appreciate her. A kind word after having to deal with someone who is nasty/crazy is always a very welcome thing.
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post #7 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 04:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Gate Farm View Post
All the BO needs to do is put up a sign "This property under surveillance camera."

That normally deters the troublemakers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DraftyAiresMum View Post
They make dummy surveillance cameras that look just like the real thing and even have a "power" indicator light. A few of those conspicuously placed around the property might not be a bad thing, along with a sign as RGF suggested.

My question to you is this: if you knew this lady was trouble and you saw the things she was posting, why did you let it go so long, and let it escalate so much, before unfriending her?
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If the lady is that nutty then fake security cameras won't deter her. I would make sure that those guys were active and rolling! As we have seen through numerous other boarding issues, you can never be too safe. And if something were to happen to someone's horse holding her responsible for her actions will be much easier if there is video footage.

If I were that BO I would personally do what I could to lock up the property entrances with a combination lock and only give the code to boarders until this blows over. She is probably all talk, but any kind of threats should be taken seriously with a lady who's this off her rocker. Save ALL of these messages, and I would look into getting a restraining order if she makes ANY attempt to contact you again. The authorities should be alerted to this matter. Do not respond at all if any more of her friends try to contact you. Keep the messages, but block them.

It sounds like this woman should have been booted out a long time ago, what with the showing up drunk, scamming the BO, and not working off her board. I don't know that I'd be inclined to remain at a facility where any of those behaviors are tolerated. I'm glad that the BO finally stood up for herself, and I hope that this lady has been banned from the property and will be arrested if she shows her face.

Note for the future: stay out of it when crazies are involved and you are not. It's nice to stand up for the BO, but you made an enemy that you don't want to have. If it ever happens again just don't reply to the messages. She was getting progressively worse and worse with her comments in an attempt to rile you up, which is what she really wanted. I'm not saying that I would do any better, but it's best not to get on crazy people's bad sides!
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post #8 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 04:48 PM
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If you are truly worried and not just caught up in the passion of the moment, you could try to get a restraining order that prevents her from coming within 500 feet of you or your horse.

If you have kept any of the harassing and threatening communications they would help to show reason for concern.

At 16, you really need to involve your parents. You don't have many rights at that age. Lots of responsibility but no authority. Plus, they deserve to know if someone is intimidating you.

This isn't going to sound fair or fun, but you also need to discuss it openly with the barn owner. SHE should be able to get a restraining order. I couldn't tell if the nuttyone has moved her horse or not. If she has not, the barn owner needs to step up and evict her horse and ban her from the property.

If the barn owner understands what has been happening online and allows the horse to stay, you really should move.

For the most part, it is hard to avoid barn drama. But hysterical crazy people are not normal drama. People who take the crazy from the barn and live and eat it for several days publicly are not normal.

In the last decade, people have used excessive force when they have felt slighted and were angry. A teenager died on the night of prom for allegedly turning down an invite. People have died in malls, theatres and work places because one person was slighted.

Take her crazy as serious. Don't just turn the other cheek. Leave the area and stay the heck away from her.
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post #9 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 05:27 PM
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it is illegal to threaten someone over the internet. Cyper harrassing. You were threatened with being killed, your horse being killed.. I would print it out, and have her, her friends arrested.
This is also a form of terrorism. Do not contact them again.
File charges.
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post #10 of 21 Old 04-30-2014, 05:35 PM
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I know you hate to do it, but I think it is time to file a police report. She is behaving irrationally and it borders on being hazardous.
She is obviously ill, so you must protect yourself in the event it goes any further.

File a report..........please.
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