Leaving my barn - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 77 Old 08-15-2014, 10:59 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ipswich, MA
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Thanks everyone for the reassurance. I might have found an option, just to get out. It's not the greatest place, amenity wise, but the care is great (my friend is there), and rough board includes all feedings/turn out, I would just have to muck my stall daily. I would do more than that, because I like doing stuff for my horse...

I keep trying to think what I did wrong. Every day she would tell me something I needed to change about the way I cared for him, and I would defend my position. Maybe that was it. Like she told me he needed shoes. She told me he was too skinny, then literally the next week told me he was too fat (my vet said he looks good). She told me he always needs a grazing muzzle, and criticized me when I tried to wean him off of it. She told me to give him back when he came up lame. Literally everything I did, she had an opinion. I stood up for my opinions, and tried to do so in a nice way.
I know when I am defending my position I can come off cold sometimes. Maybe that was part of it. She would daily preface everything she told me with "I'm not trying to tell you how to keep your horse, but..."

Every single other person there has NO OPINIONS on their horse's care, and as long as they are happy and healthy they don't care. Which is great, that works for them. This barn owner just needs to be in control. And I care wayyy to much about my horse, and have been at many barns and seen how many things work, and definitely have opinions on it...
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post #22 of 77 Old 08-15-2014, 11:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aharlov View Post
Thanks everyone for the reassurance. I might have found an option, just to get out. It's not the greatest place, amenity wise, but the care is great (my friend is there), and rough board includes all feedings/turn out, I would just have to muck my stall daily. I would do more than that, because I like doing stuff for my horse...

I keep trying to think what I did wrong.

She would daily preface everything she told me with "I'm not trying to tell you how to keep your horse, but..."
That is such wonderful news!! When can you go? Tomorrow would not be soon enough!

I'm sure you did one or two things wrong, like wearing a long sleeve shirt on a day that turned warm, you're only human.

Oh, yes she was! She is the perfect example of a passive/aggressive control freak. The only thing you did wrong there was to let her treat you like that. No part of your name is doormat.
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You don't have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps!
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post #23 of 77 Old 08-16-2014, 06:46 AM
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I hope you have found a place……I have been in that are a few times and cannot think where there was a place for horses…….my daughter would love one, but she is on Plum Island…..nowhere around there either.

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post #24 of 77 Old 08-16-2014, 07:02 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by franknbeans View Post
I hope you have found a place……I have been in that are a few times and cannot think where there was a place for horses…….my daughter would love one, but she is on Plum Island…..nowhere around there either.
I actually work right next to Plum Island and know a H/J trainer right near there. I don't do H/J but they gave me free board when I first got Vinnie in exchange for barn chores. I didn't care WHAT the barn did at that price ;)
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post #25 of 77 Old 08-16-2014, 09:06 AM
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This time get everything in writing. Everything. Expectations for both parties. Don't be the "nice" gal and start pitching in for free as it becomes an expectation. Time is money and the BO will reconsider turning you into a barn slave. Mind you, it can't happen if you don't allow it.
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post #26 of 77 Old 08-16-2014, 09:09 AM Thread Starter
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That's the problem, we had everything in writing and she started asking for more and because I wanted her to think I was a good boarder I did it. Ugh.
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post #27 of 77 Old 08-16-2014, 01:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Saddlebag View Post
This time get everything in writing. Everything. Expectations for both parties. Don't be the "nice" gal and start pitching in for free as it becomes an expectation. Time is money and the BO will reconsider turning you into a barn slave. Mind you, it can't happen if you don't allow it.
I've seen it happen WAY too much. The barn where I was this time last year had a very nice barn manager, but there were a few people who she cut discounts on board to. She never stated that they were expected to clean stalls in exchange for this cut, but a couple of the people did clean theirs when they could in return for this favor. Myself, on the other hand, paid full board. I love doing stuff for my horse and this may sound snobbish, but when I'm paying for full board I'm paying for the luxury of coming, tacking up, riding, cleaning up behind myself, and leaving. I don't want there to be any expectation that I NEED to be doing anything more than that, otherwise I'd just save the money!

There were frequently times when the barn manager would be really short on time and still have to clean stalls. I'd be around, and she'd be complaining about how no one ever helps out or does anything around the place, how she has to clean all of these stalls by herself, etc. It made me really uncomfortable as I'm sure she was wanting me to "volunteer" to pitch in. I would have helped her out once in awhile on a particularly trying day or clean my stall once in awhile, but I avoided it. Whenever someone did her a little favor like that she would immediately start to expect it. That was not a road I was willing to go down... Sure, it'll make you look like a nice person. But, before you know it you might as well be working another job and paying full board for the time you spend doing someone else's chores! A few times during my stay I fed when she was running really late. She didn't mind feeding and the buckets were already prepared anyway, so she didn't expect that to continue. But, she hates cleaning stalls and wanted to avoid having to do it.

The first problem was that she didn't enforce/get in writing that people with board discounts should help clean stalls. If she had made it a condition of board then she could have gotten folks to do the stall cleaning for her regularly. If she had made her prices set without any discounts then she could have paid someone to come in and clean once in awhile. Then, she made full boarders uncomfortable for not cleaning. People WILL take advantage of you if you allow it. You need to stand up for yourself and your time in the future and recognize that you can't always be the nice person.

All of that aside, that is a really bad situation to be in! I hope you're able to get out soon, especially since both you and the lady dislike each other! I agree with taking all of your belongings home if at all possible. I'd be VERY concerned that she might remove them from the property herself if you don't do it asap... She sounds nutty enough to do it.
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post #28 of 77 Old 08-16-2014, 01:26 PM
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That's funny because her childish immature behavior sounds exactly like the last place I decided to leave. I hate to read that situations like this happen to other people. Some people should never run a business.

Glad you're not going to be there anymore. I really don't think you did anything wrong. Maybe communication can always be improved, but generally speaking, crazy people will remain crazy no matter what you do. It sounds like she's got some serious mental health issues.

Focus on you and your horse and the great time there has to be had. Don't let someone like her affect you or cause you stress. She is obviously not worth it.
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post #29 of 77 Old 08-16-2014, 03:12 PM
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Hope something works out for you & Vinnie
Have you tried looking in Steed Read or a copy of 'Just Horses' Directory - I think both are also online
Or this website?
EquiMarket classifieds - EquineSite.com features the EquiMarket horse classifieds.
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post #30 of 77 Old 08-16-2014, 03:27 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ipswich, MA
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Thanks jaydee- I have posted on equinesite a few times regarding board, and in the classifieds section, and I also put a sign up at my local co-op. I don't think many places in Steed Read are near me but I will check! Thanks!
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