A little vent. Anyone else see my point of view? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 9 Old 05-02-2012, 12:07 AM Thread Starter
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A little vent. Anyone else see my point of view?

A friend of mine at the barn has been irking my nerves a bit lately.

The first thing, is concerning my purchase of her saddle. Here is what happened. I was just coming from dressage and starting to do hunters, and I had a Kincade saddle that I was just using to start out with. My friend had a Courbette, but she wanted to buy my trainer's Crosby. Trainer wanted more for the Crosby than friend's Courbette was worth. I was somewhat in the market for a new saddle, so I decided to buy the Courbette from the friend, to help her get the Crosby. So at that point, it was agreed that the Crosby would become the friend's, and she would pay the difference in the cost of the Courbette and the Crosby, and I would then owe the trainer the cost of the Courbette.

I made it pretty darn clear when the three of us talked that I could NOT flat out afford to pay upfront for the Courbette. I told them it was dependent on me selling my old saddles, and if they didn't really sell after a couple of months, I would simply have to make monthly payments of $50 at a time. It was agreed and everyone was okay with it. If the money had to be upfront, I would have understood. Quite honestly, I bought the saddle for quite a bit more than it's worth, because I wanted to help my friend out. Feeling it was a rather stupid decision at this point.

I'm not sure when it started, maybe a couple of weeks to a month after this was settled, the friend started dropping little hints about me paying the trainer for the saddle. Each of these times I reminded her that I could NOT pay upfront, and I had told the both of them that.

Well, selling the saddles was a bust and I ended up just giving my trainer my first payment towards it last month with my board - a couple of months after the agreement, exactly as I said I would. But the friend, before and after that payment was made, kept making little comments and little speeches about how I need to pay for the saddle. I'm so irritated, I'm almost ready to break the deal and buy the same saddle cheaper - as I very well could. If I make mention of something I want, she blatantly tells me how I "need to pay for the Courbette first". I'm an adult. When I'm fully holding up my end of the deal as was agreed on, you have no right to tell me what I need to do with my money.

I mentioned something about getting another custom saddle pad for my birthday from my parents - and apparently, my birthday gift is supposed to be my saddle being paid off. Now, while that's not a bad idea really, and would probably be the right thing to do...quite honestly, I never agreed with them to sacrifice my birthday gift to cover the cost of that saddle, and whether or not that's what I should or shouldn't do, you are REALLY overstepping your bounds to tell me what I should have as a birthday gift.

Quite beside the point, the extra paycheck I will get in the month of June, will actually allow me to finish paying the saddle in full if I make my $50 payment for this month. My birthday is also in June...so either way, pay for it myself, or let my parents do it, I can have my cake and eat it too there...no pun intended. Which was my plan.

I've made it more than clear I would like for her to keep her mouth shut about my debt to our trainer for the saddle. I've paid her when and as much as I said I would, and we've all known from the beginning how it would be. Our trainer has no problem with the arrangement, and if she does, she hasn't said anything to me about it. I understand it does lead back to her if I fail to pay for the saddle, and that it is her business, but she's crossed the line as far as I'm concerned. If I hadn't been letting them know what's going on and making payments, it would be different.

The other thing this friend has irked me with, more recently, is our horses at feeding time. They are stalled beside one another. Her horse gets a considerably larger amount of grain, and he's a messy eater. My horse finishes her food, and goes to his side, and eats the food he drops on her side. His feeder is on the wall between their stall.

He's a stall kicker. When my horse stands there right by him while he eats, he kicks the stall. We realized this a while back, and I moved her feeder to the other wall to try to help it. But she's a horse, and she doesn't understand. Apparently, it's all her fault that friend's horse goes lame from kicking. There is nothing else I can do, unless she wants to move his feeder to the back wall so that he won't drop feed on Amber's side.

Her response is to yell and wave at my horse to stop. I'm sorry, don't yell and try to punish my horse for being a horse and figuring out how to get a free snack - she doesn't understand that it's a problem. You can't stand there and stop her every time, and I will be darned if I'm going to. This has now been brought up a couple of times, and I fear it's one of those subjects that is going to continue, no matter how many times I explain it. Sigh. Like the saddles.

I don't think she means to be so asinine. But I'm like...I've TOLD you.

My "plan", is, if she wants to continue about the saddle, threaten to break off the deal and let her take it back. Which I absolutely will at this point. If the feeding issue gets any bigger, I'm just going to see if I can have Amber moved to a different stall. That's just pissing me off the more I think about it.

I apologize for such a long rant. It just feels better to get it off my chest. I'm not the type who wants to go run my mouth and gossip to people in the barn who are involved with us.

Cinnamon Whiskey 11 y/o 15hh Chestnut AQHA mare, 2'6 Jumpers
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post #2 of 9 Old 05-02-2012, 12:45 AM
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Sounds like your friend is being more than a little impatient and obnoxious. Did she get the saddle she wanted when you started making payments or does she have to wait for yours to be paid off??

If it were me- considering this girl is being a pill- I might very well just ask about moving your horse rather than dealing with her...but it also isn't really going to change HER situation...but it will solve the problem of her yelling and waving at your horse.

Is it possible she is being a nudge about the saddle being paid off because she is concerned you'll stop payments? Or is she just being a brat?

The whole I-buy-this-you-buy-that sounds a little too complicated for me and if I were in that situation... I probably wouldn't have done the same as you. Especially given that you know this girl personally- I would either have wanted to be responsible for the saddle myself to the person who owned it rather than playing a game of Musical Chairs with money.

You've obviously pointed out that she is being asinine...so obviously to some extent she has to know that you think she is being asinine. The real point is what she is getting out of being this way and what she thinks she is going to get out of it??

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be ****ed if you do, and ****ed if you don't. - Eleanor Roosevelt
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post #3 of 9 Old 05-02-2012, 03:43 AM
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Here's what I would do. First, go ask the trainer if there is a problem with the payment arrangements. If not, which by the way it sounds, I would tell your "friend" that it has been taken care of and it's not any of her business/problem any more. If there is a problem, find a solution between you and the trainer and leave your friend out of it.

With the stall kicker, either have her horse's feed bucket moved away from the side where your horse is at or move your horse. I would opt for moving your horse since she will figure something else that is "wrong". In the mean time, tell her straight out to not get after your horse, when her horse is the one with the problem of kicking. Actually after thinking about it, I wouldn't move your horse, but still tell her not to get after your horse. If she wants the problem fixed, she can do something with her horse to fix it. If she doesn't want to fix it with her horse, I guess she'll have a lame horse, which is still HER problem. Not yours.

When all is said and done, if she still wants to be a donkey's butt, tell her straight out that you don't want to be friends anymore or have anything to do with her.
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post #4 of 9 Old 05-02-2012, 04:59 AM
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A) Don't make business deals that involve you and another boarder unless it is a straight up cash sale. Nothing good can come of it.

B) Straight up, in her face: You had best not ever discipline my horse if you know what's good for you.

C) Involve the barn owner in the stall kicking issue.

D) Refuse to acknowledge this person exists. That's not how any friend I know acts.
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post #5 of 9 Old 05-02-2012, 05:21 AM
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This seems like a very messy situation. Do you even want this saddle or were you trying to help her out?

Personally I wouldn't have gone into this arrangement for a saddle. She could have done a payment thing with the trainer herself rather than have this strange exchanging of money going on with all three of you.

As for the horse.. that horse obviously isn't happy which is why it is kicking. I cannot follow if that is her horse or yours but you should move yours out of there. That horse kicking around is probably stressing yours out and if it were that way for my horse, I would have done that as soon as it started to happen.

Good on you for not wanting to gossip.. but rethink future decisions a little bit clearer before you commit to them. It's great that you went to help a friend but this has left you frustrated and your friend absolutely loopy. She isn't acting as a true friend would.. she's acting like an annoying parent that's nagging you for no reason. Or a rider who nag nags their horse. It's frustrating, I bet. So distance yourself. Tell her flat out how it makes you feel and make a decision what to do from there.

Good luck.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"

Last edited by Skyseternalangel; 05-02-2012 at 05:24 AM.
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post #6 of 9 Old 05-02-2012, 06:41 AM
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Has this so called friend paid anything for the trainers saddle at all? If not buy the trainers saddle. As for her waving yelling at your horse I would not be all that friendly about. Your going to end up with a head shy horse from it. Move the horse to another stall. Talk to the trainer about buying the saddle from her. Im sure she will be fine with it as you have been steadily paying for a little of it anyways.

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post #7 of 9 Old 05-02-2012, 07:27 AM
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Wow, I try never to do business with friends! Good luck.
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post #8 of 9 Old 05-02-2012, 09:45 AM
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Way too much drama! Pay for the saddle as soon as you can. Move your horse if possible, be very busy when ever this "friend" is around.
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post #9 of 9 Old 05-02-2012, 09:09 PM Thread Starter
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I think she thinks that I'm not going to finish paying for it, and that's why she continues to bring it up.

The stall situation solved itself today. She actually had her horse moved to another stall. Fine by me.

He's a stall kicker, I believe, because he was starved at one time and is very food aggressive. My horse isn't bothered by it at all, she would stand there, practically smirking, licking up all the dropped food by her messy neighbor.

I found a crop in her stall today...I think it was, and I'm hoping it was just sitting on the ledge in front of her stall and rolled in. But I was instantly suspicious and it made me realize how little trust I have in someone I sit here and call a friend.

I do want the saddle. It fits me and Amber very well.

Honestly, sometimes I sit there and wonder if the friend in question realizes how silly she sounds. More than once I have wondered if she's a little out of touch with reality. Just things she believes/says, just in everyday talk. She's very self centered, but likes to find ways to justify it and will do little things to try to hide it. And I'm not the only person who finds the things she says/does to be incredibly inconsiderate at times. But my barn is the best barn in the area, and having been to basically every other barn in the area, I wouldn't have her at any of them again.

I'm not worried about it getting out of hand to the point I'm seriously worried for mine or my horse's safety/happiness. I know my trainer wouldn't let it get to that point, and if it did, I'd be upfront that she would lose me as a client if the situation wasn't resolved. I wouldn't enjoy driving 20 more minutes to the next decent barn in the area, but eh.

Cinnamon Whiskey 11 y/o 15hh Chestnut AQHA mare, 2'6 Jumpers
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