Is There Barn Etiquette? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 10:40 PM Thread Starter
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Is There Barn Etiquette?

I board at a place where it's all pasture board, about 20 horses. On the weekends the kids and their moms hang out there, and some ride. It's a pretty friendly group. I've been there since September. I get along with everyone and I'm not one to make waves

I was tacking up my horse at the same time these 2 other women were, then they got on their horses and left for the trail. They walked right passed me and left.

It's a mile to the trail, so I don't know of anyone that goes alone. I don't care if your my worst enemy, if I was going to the trail I would ask anyone I see if they want to go. It's called being a good boarder, yes?

Well I was upset the rest of the day, and I really shouldn't be. But I am. They know I'm upset, but didn't look my way as I left.

I don't like confrontation. But will most likely see them tomorrow or the next day. I just don't know how to handle things like this. Help?
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post #2 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 10:55 PM
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Apparently the two ladies needed some alone time together.

Now on a serious note, have you ridden with them before? If you have, did anything happen - an innocent remark misread? One horse kick at another? Disagreement on travel speed?
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post #3 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 10:59 PM
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Are you friends with these women? Actively hang out with them while you're at the barn? Are you new to this barn at all? Have you gone on trail with them before or do you typically stay in the arena? Sorry to be nosy just trying to get a little background.

I wouldn't be hurt unless they were close friends of mine that I had expressed interest in joining on trai withl. I've boarded/worked at many places and it's no unwritten rule that I know of to invite anyone semi close to being ready to leave for a trail ride to tag along.

If you'd like to go next time I would just be polite and ask them how the trails are and say you're always up for a ride out. I wouldn't invite yourself per say, but that's just me I don't like to force my presence on people if I don't have to.
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post #4 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 11:06 PM
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Obviously I wasn't there but from what you wrote it sounds like you may be overreacting. Are you sure they meant to slight you? Maybe they just wanted to go by themselves. You wouldn't want "well we had this great day planned, but there's this girl and she's nice, we should invite her... sigh... I guess we'll do that, we'll have to reschedule our fun day for some other time." They shouldn't feel obligated even if they have the best intentions.

Obviously this is out of context, but maybe you should just invite them to ride with you sometime? Build up a relationship.

If you think maybe they meant to slight you I'd simply ask how their trail ride was and say you'd love to go with them sometime.. extend the olive branch. If they keep on doing it I would ask them if they prefer riding by themselves or if they have some issue with you because you would like to go riding with them, but feel like they don't want you along.

So again, out of context, but just make sure you have the right impression and don't over react. Honestly I prefer to ride by myself and if I had a date with a friend, yeah I might probably invite you (aka whoever) to be nice, or because my friend said to, but I'd be more comfortable without you, I'm just an introverted person.. Now if someone invited me, to ride with them, I would be more interested and be thinking more about building a relationship and maybe having a new riding buddy instead of feeling put out about a change of plans. Guess I'm trying to say that some people may simply prefer to ride by themselves (or with their "usual group") then with someone else, and that it doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you, or even that they don't want to ride with you, maybe they didn't think of it. Who knows.

Sorry, I'm rambling. But I would put yourself out there as "hi, I want to be a friend, and definitely want to go riding with whoever's available" and again, invite people to ride with you. Don't be afraid to bridge the gap yourself, some people need that!

I'm off to bed and will check in and hopefully make more sense tomorrow :)
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post #5 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 11:08 PM
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It's polite but definitely not necessary and they may not even of thought of it, or assumed you were riding there or something. Shrug
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post #6 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 11:14 PM Thread Starter
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I rode down to a field with one of them about 3 months ago. At a walk. I always let someone else take the lead in whether they want to talk or not, if they want to run or not. If people tell me stuff I keep it to myself. And if I can't say something positive about their horse, or riding, I don't say anything at all. I just go with the flow most of the time.

I do think that one of them is really insecure, so she overcompensates for it by acting snooty sometimes. I think today was one of those times. Like "let me show you how important you are". Maybe it's pecking order, I watch my chickens establish that all the time, LOL

Maybe I'm just over reacting and let my feelings get hurt.
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post #7 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 11:21 PM Thread Starter
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Yogiwick, I think I'll do what you suggested. I'll ask them if they had some issue with me riding with them, or just wanted to be alone. I think that will get things better. My biggest worry was having to face them tomorrow, and not have an idea of how to handle it.
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post #8 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 11:28 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeke View Post
Are you friends with these women? Actively hang out with them while you're at the barn? Are you new to this barn at all? Have you gone on trail with them before or do you typically stay in the arena? Sorry to be nosy just trying to get a little background.

I wouldn't be hurt unless they were close friends of mine that I had expressed interest in joining on trai withl. I've boarded/worked at many places and it's no unwritten rule that I know of to invite anyone semi close to being ready to leave for a trail ride to tag along.

If you'd like to go next time I would just be polite and ask them how the trails are and say you're always up for a ride out. I wouldn't invite yourself per say, but that's just me I don't like to force my presence on people if I don't have to.
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Right. I didn't want to invite myself. That's a good thing to say as well, that I am always up for a trail ride.

I have to say that I'm friendly with them, but I'm the newbie, I've been there 5 months. Normally we don't ride at the same times, and this is the first time I've seen anyone but myself and another woman head for the trails. This other woman can't ride much because of her surgeries and problems. So I've not been able to get to the trails.
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post #9 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 11:34 PM
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I say don't give them any more of your thought and time. For me personally, I've only got so much head space and it's hard enough trying to keep the good stuff in without cluttering it up with matters I can't control and people who aren't interested.
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post #10 of 24 Old 01-25-2014, 11:38 PM
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I hate having to face people when I think something is wrong. When I share these feelings with my close friends they're always shocked because they didn't notice any issue. I guess what I'm trying to say is I am guilty of creating issues in my mind that don't always exist. I totally know the feeling of not wanting to confront people about it.

It's just me but, I wouldn't ask if they have a problem with you outright. You're a newbie to the barn, maybe strike a conversation with these woman about their riding preferences. Like another poster I can be introverted and it would out a damper on my ride if someone tagged along that I didn't know well and it was a surprise to me. I'm a baby in that way, when I have my heart set on time with a good friend it takes me a little to adjust to a change in the people who will be there.

Anyways, I would ask if they prefer trail, what's their favorite route, do they go to unwind and spend time with their horses or is it a social thing? I create the whole conversation lol but just have a good talk to them about going on trail and subtly mention that you like to ride but not alone and that if they wouldn't mind showing you their favorite trail you'd love to see it.
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