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What should I do?? -Rant-

7K views 37 replies 21 participants last post by  frlsgirl 
#1 ·
Hello guys,

I am so frustrated....I really wish things could work out the way I want. I'm kinda looking for advice as to what I should do, but please don't bash me or say anything rude- not that I'm expecting that, but just in case -thanks.

So two years ago I was offered a fantastic job. I accepted the job and had to move about 2 hours away too a VERY large city. I had to leave behind the country lifestyle I had always known. It was exciting at first. I got to venture out on my own, find myself, meet new people and experience city life. The only down part was, I had to leave my horses at my parent's house (2 hrs away), and since they are so far away, I would only be able to ride on the weekends. It was okay at first, because I got to try new hobbies and see if there was anything else I was good at.

For about the first year it was okay being in the big city, but now I REALLY want to go back to riding horses.

I would LOVE to be able to board at least one of my horses somewhat close to where I live, instead of driving 2hrs to just be able to ride on the weekends, but here's the problems:

1- The cost of living in such a huge city literally eats up all my pay check. I make a decent wage, but I live pay check to pay check since the cheapest apartment in the area is usually around $1000/month (and that is just for a studio or 1 bd). There is no way I can pay bills, pay rent, pay my car payment AND afford to board a horse.

2- Since I work evenings, I thought about getting a second job to help support boarding for a horse, but with a second job that means less time actually being able to ride and spend time with my horse.

3- I have tried looking for stables where I can work off my board, but with winter coming up, no stables have that option at this time.

4- The cheapest boarding stable I've found charges $350/month but you must supply your own hay & grain.

5- I've thought about moving to another town that is less populated and has cheaper living costs, but I still don't have the $$$ saved to move.

6- Oh, and the closet stable in the area is about 50 mins away, quite a long drive, but I think I could manage it (but this means more $$$ spent on gas).

So I have been riding horses for my whole life (I'm 21). I have taken lessons from world champions and Olympians. I have competed in just about every discipline there is. I am a state champion, I am very knowledgeable about horses. I have tried other "hobbies" but I do not have the same interest in them as I do horses. Especially since I have such a strong passion for my horses & an extensive history with them, I don't want to just "give up" on them.

I dream about one day being able to show once again. It kills me inside thinking about not getting to ride and pursue my passion. I feel "dead" inside when I don't get to work with my horses. There is nothing here in this city that fills my heart with the same feeling that horses give. I'm not into the party thing, I've actually never partied or never been to a bar & this whole city is considered a "party town" and there's seriously nothing here that interests me...at all..I just want to go back to horses, but I am worried I can't until I get married or something and have a double income (however I have no plans on getting married at this time..)

So I am kind of looking for advice. How did you manage paying rent & board when you were "starting out" on your own? I could get a roommate, but none of my friends or family members need a roommate at this time and I really don't want to move in with a stranger. Opinions? Suggestions?
 
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#2 ·
Well you could look into if someone needs a companion for their horse and would be willing to take on an active boarder. This could be done provided you buy your own feed and bedding. (Search outside of the city for better prices on these things.) You could maybe even do work on the farm/ stable in exchange for not paying board, or very little board. But if you can find this arrangement make sure you get it in writing and notarized.

You could bring one of your horses to the cheaper facility, and then if you got a part time job for a few days each week you could do a share lease for those days, thus cutting your costs and your horse still gets ridden, and he's closer to you.

You could as you say move a bit farther out of the city, to do this you'll need to crunch your numbers on how much gas you'll spend/ save on, rent expenses that you'd either save or lose, all of those factors and see which option is best for you.

I wish you the best of luck. :)
 
#5 ·
Looks like that fantastic job...isn't...it pays a pittance and living hand to mouth is a miserable and stressful way to live..for anyone...anywhere...u know this now i am sure...id say start looking for another job...sounds like it was a good experience to like try it out but that it has lost its shine and time for you to move on...if for no other reason than it has you trapped in an untenable life situation...
 
#6 · (Edited)
I would personally search for another job in the big city that pays at least 1k a month more and also look elsewhere where the cost of living isn't so high regardless of the horse situation. You may need to keep this job for longer for your resume if it is a good job.

Do you have reviews? In a review you might mention how difficult it is to live on your salary. If you are at the top of the scale and no where to go then for sure seek employment elsewhere. If not they may promote you or give you a raise.
Is this a career? Or. A Job? Are you being paid what it is worth in your market?
Could you move with a. Roommate?

After you get some of this resolved the horse decision will be easier.
 
#7 ·
You have one big thing going for you and that is your age. You are not yet tied down by family, marriage and "putting down roots".

The first thing to do is update and improve your resume. You do not have to name the company you work for-just put "Confidential" where the name would go. It's very common. Put that resume out there on the internet; CareerBuilder(best), Monster and any other job board you can find. Look for jobs that are on the outskirts of where you live or might be willing to move. You need to get a job far enough outside of the city that you can then afford a horse and you definitely need a better paying one. As you get further away from the city, your living expenses decrease, especially rent and horse board. You even have the option of moving closer to your parents where your own horses are. Living in a big city will never be satisfying or practical for a horse lover and your life is not yet "set in stone".

You have a lot of options-take hold of your life and use them!
 
#8 ·
I feel you... I eventually had to move from the San Francisco Bay Area back to Fresno because the cost of living was so ridiculous and with my health going downhill, keeping up on bills for myself became extra stressful-not to mention my horse, and my parents are NOT horse people so something had to be done.

To those of you who are saying that it might be best to look into other employment, it may not be that easy. I don't necessarily disagree, but I also don't think many people realize just how little companies want to pay younger employees. I hope this is not the case in OP's field, but after being out of my parents house and working sometimes 3-4 jobs, usually somewhere between 50-75 hour weeks just to make ends meet, it is absolutely draining. Also minimum wage is not a living wage in the majority of the U.S. and that certainly doesn't account for horses.

OP, I'm sorry you're going through all of this... It can be really hard to make work/city living/horses/etc. work for you. I sincerely hope that you can find a way to make it happen and hope that either your current job will decide that you deserve a raise or that a better opportunity crops up very soon. Keep plugging away and looking around every corner! :)
 
#9 ·
You're experiencing a life lesson at a young age. It's a powerful lesson and one which IMO you are fortunate to be presented with at such a young age. Money isn't everything, disposable income ($$ left over after fixed expenses) and quality of life seem to be your challenge.

Now I know that most people who say "money isn't everything" usually have plenty of it, so take that with a grain of salt. I've been broke and I've been very well off and I prefer the latter for sure.

I was just having a conversation with our substitute UPS driver yesterday which might interest you. He transferred here to SW Utah from Hawaii. DUDE!!!! What the heck were you thinking I asked. He explained that the cost of living was crazy in Hawaii and that he has visited this area and liked it. Here he can afford to buy a nice home, raise a family when its time and take a vacation every year back to Hawaii to see friends AND save and invest for his future. So he prioritized the things which were important to him and set in motion a plan to achieve them. He did make some compromises, but life is like that, you give here to get a bit there.

Take some time, a sheet of paper and sit down and write down the things which are VERY important to you, kind of important, not very important and then finally the things you dont give a hoot about at all. Note:In order for this to work you must be honest with the yourself and there are no right or wrong answers. You will have four columns. Now, examine your current situation and conclude how it fits with those four columns. This exercise is going to be an eye opener most likely.

So you now have a list of the things which are important to you (goals) and you can start to make an action list which will allow you to achieve them. It is important to make sure your goals are achievable or else you will become frustrated and give up chasing unrealistic and unattainable goals. You need to focus on eliminating any actions which contribute to the dont give a hoot list and concentrate on the first two.

FWIW, My wife and I retired at 46 after starting four businesses (all motorcycle related) from the ground up and building them into leaders in the market segments. We did it in 15 years. We were fortunate to have chosen to follow our passion and dreams. We worked 100 hour weeks for the first six or so years but even though it was a ton of work we were doing what we loved.

Lastly two things. Remember to give your priorities and subsequent goals and action plan a tune-up annually. We change as individuals and so do our priorities and finally, do what you love and you will never work a day in your life :)
 
#10 ·
Sounds like a great job isn't translating to a great life. And that's okay. I love STT's post- he's dead on. You have to decide what is important to you and what you are willing to give up to make that happen, and it has to be what YOU think, not what society or your friends or your family thinks you should prioritize.

I am not a city person. Not for more than a visit anyway. That limits how much money I can/will make if I move forward with my career goals. For me, that is an acceptable compromise. People who say money doesn't matter have never been broke and had to make hard choices. Even so, for me less money is outweighed by quality of life (none vs doing what I love) so it's a fair trade. How do the scales balance for you?
 
#11 ·
Thank you everyone for the suggestions and encouragement! My job is NOT my dream job and I have no desire to make it my career. However, It pays more than most entry level jobs and the benefits are awesome. Finding another full time job with good pay & benefits is difficult. I have been looking around but haven't really found anything yet that will help my current situation. My current job is a good stepping stone, but not where I want to stay. I did get a decent raise last summer (when I was in a different department) and I will be getting reviewed again soon for my newest position I have right now (which I have only had for six months). I have been able to meet all the company goals as well as my personal goals and my supervisor has been praising me for my effort, and is allowing me to job shadow the admin of our group so I can gain some additional skills....so I'm hoping that I will be getting a raise soon :) fingers crossed...
Not only that but one of my ads for boarding in trade of labor was answered by someone who has a private facility that sounds perfect. I'm going to go look at it next week and I'm very excited! The barn owner sounds super awesome over the phone and the facility sounds incredible. PLUS, she might be interested in having a roommate and asked if I was interested. This might work out very well!! :)
 
#12 ·
Not only that but one of my ads for boarding in trade of labor was answered by someone who has a private facility that sounds perfect. I'm going to go look at it next week and I'm very excited! The barn owner sounds super awesome over the phone and the facility sounds incredible. PLUS, she might be interested in having a roommate and asked if I was interested. This might work out very well!! :)
Sounds good!

Please get everything in writing spelling out exactly what is expected of you etc.
 
#14 ·
Well, that stable didn't work out. I had been talking to the lady for about a week and it seemed like it would have been perfect. We were both dressage riders and she was very enthusiastic about having someone to ride with. I don't know if it was something I said or what but the day before I was supposed to go look at the barn she completely flaked. She said that she had a meeting come up and she will not have time to show the barn and she was just very....abrupt. She didn't apologize or ask to re-schedule and after that I have not heard anything from her. But, ohwell. I can't even ride on the weekends now because my parents don't have an indoor arena and it constantly rains here this time of the year. Oh well. I'll keep looking but I'm starting to think that horses just aren't going to be a part of my future anytime soon... *sigh*
 
#16 ·
I'd love too, but I have no idea how I'm going to save up to move out. I think I need to get a second job first before doing anything else. However, I just got word that I have to switch to day shift next month so that's going to make things a bit more challenging, but I can do it. I had two jobs and went to school a few years ago and I was able to manage that okay. Lol :)
 
#17 ·
That sounds rough. Let me tell you, hubby and I were in Dallas, with the nice jobs and the big house and the new cars and the "maybe a weekend job to help out?" ...

then we just stopped and said "why?????????"

We moved to the country in TN, the cost of living here is... laughable to be honest.... and I am able to live my dream of having a lipizzan with full board in a ritzy stable (again, at a laughable $400 a month) and take 3 private lessons a week (at another laughable $40 a pop)

The city is just a brutal factory. It is fun to get out and explore and find yourself, but it's never too late to go back to the country and just enjoy yourself. I know how impossible it feels, I was there when we lived in Dallas, but everything worked out. We have two paid off cars now and we are looking to buy a house outright in a year or two. I think living in the city gave me the sophistication and maturity to actually make the most out of the cost of living here.
 
#18 ·
Since I live pay check to pay check I have nothing to save at the end of the month. I usually have like maybe $30 extra after bills and I use that to buy my food. I'm going to have to pay for moving, first & last months rent and a security deposit (no matter how cheap I can find outside of the city) and that is all money that I don't have. So for now I am going to have to find a second job, at least temporary to save.
 
#20 ·
You may also explore more roommate options (if you haven't already). I also live in an area where rent can be very pricey, and having roommates has made it doable for me. I live in a house with 4 other people. The house is big enough that it never feels "crowded". In fact, I rather like having a bit of company around. Of course, it is very important to find people who you feel like you can coexist peacefully with (which doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be great friends).

I don't make very much money either, but thanks to my lower rent -- I usually do have at least a monthly $100-$200 that I can squirrel away into my savings for a rainy day.
 
#21 ·
Along with a second job, look to see if you can cut anything else to lower your expenses. Some of the things I looked at that may or may not apply to you are:

1. Why buy coffee in the mornings if I get it free at work? That saved me $4.00 a morning and roughly $1,040.00 per year. You can also buy your own coffee and make it at home if you want something special, still cheaper than a coffee shop.

2. Eating out: I'll pre-cook meals for the week ahead and have them ready to pop in the microwave, much healthier and cheaper than eating out, even at a nice restaurant. Yearly savings $500+ (varied according to how much I ate out.)

3. Cable: I switched from a huge inclusive package to a basic one and then just look for special deals for movies. Monthly savings $25, yearly $ 300

4. Car/ transportation: Can you 'down grade' your vehicle and still get back and forth? If you have an SUV or Truck and don't really need it, you can get something used and small with good gas mileage for far less per month, or refinance if you can. Also if your in the city and have a great public transit system that you may not use, check to see about bus/ subway times and costs, sometimes you can save a ton using these rather than your personal vehicle during the week. Monthly savings $ 150, yearly $1,800.

5. Clothes: You'll of course need clothes, but a tip is to go to Goodwills in 'upper class' areas, they tend to have very nice stuff, in excellent condition for a steal. You can get work clothes and nice winter wear for vey little versus a department store, and it's a good chance in those neighborhoods that the items are designer or very high quality. I found a $300 coat for $20 once, that was a savings of $280 on just one item. Also look at places like Ross, Plato's closet et cetera.
Monthly savings $ varies, Yearly $ varies.

6. Makeup: Don't go to Ulta...period, it's marked up like you wouldn't believe, go to Wal-Mart, CVS, Wal-Greens etc. I even go to the Dollar Tree and get nail polish for $1 versus $2+ per bottle elsewhere and they work just as well. I also like their L.A Colors eye shadows. I've learned how to make them into cream shadows. Monthly savings $ varies. Yearly $ About $40.

7. Beauty care: I wax my own eyebrows and other areas. I trade off cutting hair with other people, like my mom (She'll only let me cut her hair after having it butchered at every salon she's ever gone to.) I'll do my own facials, mani's, and Pedi's. Yearly savings $400

Just from those 7 things my yearly savings comes to $4,080.00+

1. You can also make money by re-selling old, but good clothes to places like Plato's Closet or a similar business in your area.
2. Instead of tossing aluminum cans into the recycle bin, keep them then take them to a recycle center that buys them back from you for so many cents per pound.
3. Offer if you have time, to dog sit/ apartment sit. Minimum per hour here for those is $10
 
#22 ·
Thanks for the saving tips. I am actually a HUGE cheapskate and I try to never pay full price for anything (coupons and sales are my friends ^.^). Aside from the bills I pay such as utilities and electricity (I have my electricity bill down too $20 a month, score ^.^) I usually only spend about $40-$50 on myself each month. That includes food, make up, personal care, clothes and so on. As far as gas, I have a tiny miata that saves a ton of $$$ on gas. I do plan on cancelling my cable and just watching netflix instead and that will save me about $100 a month. I don't watch TV that much so It doesn't matter to me anyways. A side from that, I don't think I can really cut down on much more. Since I "make too much" to get food stamps, I think I might get food from a food bank every once in awhile since I don't always have enough money to buy my own.
 
#24 ·
Your post describes you adjusting from situation to situation as you drift along but I'm not seeing any description of your goals anywhere.

Did you have a goal to be a professional equestrian? Did the new job further that goal? Do you still have this goal? If not what goals do you have now?

If you want to do more than drift through life making sure the days food and shelter needs are met you have to plot a course and steer it.

So I think, based of course on the entirety of a couple hundred words you've written, you need to sit down, be brutally honest with yourself, and set down some realistic life goals that you want to achieve.

Once you've got that done you can start restructuring your life (or not) so that you are working towards those goals. This may well mean abandoning this job in the city that's making you so unhappy and moving back to where you can ride as often as you need to.
 
#26 ·
I do have goals, I just have not mentioned them here as I didn't think it was relevant to this post. I do NOT want to be a professional equestrian. As much as I love horses, I do not see myself making a living solely off horses. I just want to ride as a side hobby, not for my income.

When I was 18 I worked two jobs too go to school full time and I was on the honor roll and I completed all my prerequisite classes, but after that one year I was unable to continue to afford my classes. I wish to return to school as I want to receive a Esthetician certification and work in a dermatology clinic. I know it's not a super high paying job, but it's something that I have interest in and even though it's probably not a job I would get rich off of, it would pay more than what I make now. However, I can't afford school and I don't qualify for financial aid until I'm 24 (in three years). So for right now I am just getting by until I can find a way to save and get ahead.

I didn't want to do this, but I think I really need to move out of my apartment and find a roommate. The reason I don't want to do this is because all my friends are married or have live in partners and no room for another person. So that means I would have to move in with a complete stranger. I thought about downgrading to a studio, but I wouldn't be saving a whole lot because the cheapest studio in the area are $700-$800.

Anyways, thank you everyone for the encouragement and tips/ideas! I honestly think I just need to not think about horses right now and just focus on trying to save some money up and get a second job. The more I look over my finances I've realized that with my income right now there's really no way I can afford to board & show my ponies at this point in time. I've entertained the idea of possibly leasing them out so they aren't just standing around with no job in the meantime, but I'm not sure yet. We'll see what happens.
 
#27 ·
I noticed a few comments, and this may get a bit off topic.. but it is something that is ruining our state...If you cannot afford to home yourself, feed yourself etc then you do not need to be owning and showing horses/ponies. If you do not want to sell your horse then try a feed lease .
To own a horse and be on welfare/food stamps etc .. really irritates me. If you can afford a horse, then you do not need help. Same goes for ciggies,booze, weed etc. Eating out .
If you can afford to go out to Eat, get fake finger nails, get a professional hair cut weaves extensions etc etc.. then you do not need assistance.
 
#28 ·
I noticed a few comments, and this may get a bit off topic.. but it is something that is ruining our state...If you cannot afford to home yourself, feed yourself etc then you do not need to be owning and showing horses/ponies. If you do not want to sell your horse then try a feed lease .
To own a horse and be on welfare/food stamps etc .. really irritates me. If you can afford a horse, then you do not need help. Same goes for ciggies,booze, weed etc. Eating out .
If you can afford to go out to Eat, get fake finger nails, get a professional hair cut weaves extensions etc etc.. then you do not need assistance.
Yup, and that's why when I suddenly lost my job I had to back out of buying my dream horse.

I felt horrible about it, but I still won't buy/ lease until I get established and have a little more cushion in case of an emergency.

I'm just glad I didn't finish the sale and then lost my job, I can only imagine how horrible I would have felt having to sell my newly purchased horse.

I did have to apply after I lost my job, but was turned down as I wasn't pregnant, they wouldn't help any female applicant at my age unless they were pregnant. I've since found some work, not steady, not enough unfortunately, but still enough to not need help from the state.

I will remain horseless until I'm back on my feet. I'm lucky to have an instructor that let's me work off lessons.
 
#31 ·
Rented rooms or got roommates for years, didn't like it, but helped fund my horse habit. Or maybe a senior citizen needs some extra money, rent a room from someone like that. I mean, who cares, if you ride, you're not going to see a roommate that much anyway.

Or evaluate living closer to horses - 30-50 minutes away from work - it may be cheaper rent to make up for fuel. Also, sometimes barns, farms or estates have "guest houses" or apartments on their property.

Keep in mind that sticking to your job or career will help give you the financial freedoms to own horses later.
 
#32 ·
I found a dairy farm within 1/2hr drive of where I worked. Lots of horses in the area and I was always welcome to use a riding ring. Board at the farm was reasonable as the horses were rarely inside which eliminated a lot of barn chores. I didn't have a car but was often able to snag a ride out there and a ride back to the nearest transit stop. I was willing to help with farm chores so often had a bed for the night and meals. I bo't an inexpensive induction element which uses less electricity than a stove. I love that it has a timer and use it all the time. It needs steel pans though without aluminum in the base. Mine came with a stainless steel pan, that and my cast iron frying pan get the most use.
 
#34 ·
for starters, there are comments made here , and MY comment was not in particular to any one person, and Not the OP, but my point still stands, if you cannot afford a horse, then do not own one. Wait until you can. I do not know of anyone that Started off as CEO .
I worked all my life and Saved to get what I have .
 
#35 ·
Thanks everyone for the suggestions! Okay so I'm super excited, I've talked to my cousin who is single and owns a pretty large house not too far from where I work. He will let me rent a room for $500/m with I think is decent. Still pricey (for just a room) but I'll be able to save a LOT that way!! Way better than what I'm paying for my apartment. Things are looking up as I also got promoted this week into leadership and with that I got a decent raise :) I'll be showing this summer for sure!!! Now just to get all my memberships current again so all the paper work will be current again for the next year. Again, thank-you to everyone's positive thoughts and suggestions. You all are awesome!!!
 
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