03-16-2013, 05:46 PM
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Having a bit of a dilemma day today:
My sons mare (Foxy) was covered by his ex's stallion when they were still together. This was to be the start of her breeding off her stallion.
Last June, a couple of months after Fox was covered, my son and his ex broke up - and then in September, she moved her horses off the field for good and took them to another boyfriends yard.
Since then, Fox has been on her own, and coped well - probably according to the vet, because she was pregnant and occupied with the impending birth!
My son's ex has in all that time, not once asked to see Fox and all her care has been provided by my son, and since October, my husband and I, my parents and when he was home from work early enough, my son.
On Thursday, when the foal was born, we did what we though was the right thing and rang his ex - she came to see the foal and again asked to come today of which we had no problem. Due to my son now having another girlfriend, who we think the world of, I dealt with the visits.
Tonight however, his ex said she's too much invested in this foal and she's put her heart and sole into it and want's us to hand it over to her as she's more experienced - which I can't deny she is. But I told her, we'd invested love and time (and of course money) into Fox who is only as healthy as she is because of our care, and she should be considered also - it's not just about the foal. I said that she hadn't seen Fox for months, or enquired after her, and now the foal's here, it's being gelded and staying with her.
She thinks it'll be a waste "leaving him in the field" to which I replied that we had every intention of getting him backed and will be having Fox re-backed next year, ready to ride.
She wants him to be showed, but I'm not interested in that part of horse ownership and said I've no problem with her showing him (she's no transport, neither have we so not sure how she's going to work that one out), but I feel as though this is overshadowing the joy that we've had with his arrival. I do feel for her, but she chose to have her stallion gelded so this is his only offspring, and I couldn't see to make her ealise that this isn't just any foal, this is Foxy's foal - and after she asked why couldn't we get a pony to keep her company, why does it have to be this foal, I wondered if I'd have been better off not letting her know and shutting her out - so as to avoid all this!
I've nothing against her, but the decisions that we've made as a family are now being questioned: I'd like Fox to wean him naturally - she's always been used as a broodmare so never had that chance - and providing she keeps her condition, I'd like to go down that route - but she want's him to be sent to her yard for a few months instead to wean him!
She said he needs more company of other horses - we can't afford to have them both on a yard, although my husband has been talking of getting another pony for them both for company but that's a big decision so not sure about that! Foxy's feed has been analyised - even though her weight is excellent (as said by the vet in January and on Thursday) and this is seeming more trouble than it's worth. She doesn't get on with her parents, and I do feel sorry for her, but how do I tell her politely to butt out - I can see this escalating which I don't want it to do, but it's already feeling like a hassle and it's only been 2 days!
My son and his girlfriend are my priority and I tried to tell his ex this but she just cried! I think i'm just going to have to do what I think best and hope it works out - I.e. Get the little man gelded, let mum wean him and keep them together (maybe with another companion). Do they need to be with a lot more horses - or does anyone else just have the 2 - mother and son/daughter?