How do you tell a friend? - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 12:37 PM Thread Starter
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How do you tell a friend?

My friend/neighbor is looking for a filly, under a year old, and doesn't want to spend much more than $100. She's looking for something that she can spend alot of time with and eventually have trained. I asked her if she was firm on a filly, or might she want a young gelding. She said "I want a filly, because when she's older, I can breed her and get babies!" OMG! This lady is very sweet, but has NO clue! First of all, a $100 horse is not going to be any kind of quality horse. Second, to breed a "low end" horse??? This is how the horse market gets flooded with "backyard bred" horses. She has no idea the cost and time/work involved in breeding, unless of course she finds somebody that has a backyard stud that will breed for nothing. Let me add, she has 2 horses already, one is a appy x that has MAJOR stifle issues, can't be ridden. (perfect example of backyard breeding) The 2nd is an OTTB that was injured on the track, light riding ONLY, and is very flighty. He doesn't get ridden or worked with, as he's too much for her.

How do I tell her in the nicest way possible that this is not the way to go about it? I don't want to hurt her feelings.
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post #2 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 12:46 PM
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Maybe you could tell her all about backyard breeding and how bad it is. I'm not very good at talking to people so I'm not really sure... BUT you do have to tell her.

Horses are scared of two things... Things that move and things that don't.
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post #3 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 12:47 PM
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Just be upfront and say, "I wouldn't reccomend breeding your filly." If she's only willing to spend $100 on a horse to breed, she's not going to be able to afford the vet costs etc. This is a tough situation, keep us updated.. hopefully she'll change her mind.

Count My Strides - Shane, Bought 2-18-06, Mustang.
"I whispered to my horse, "i'm afraid of falling" and he whispered back, "i have wings".
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post #4 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 01:01 PM
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How old are you and how old is this friend?

If you're a child and she's an adult, then you're pretty much out of luck telling anything to a grown up.

You can always give her your opinion, but you should back it up with facts and figures concerning the number of horses already on the ground, the economy (which she should already know about), and how many horses are going to slaughter because there aren't any homes for them.

I'm not saying she's going to magically come around to your way of thinking, but if you present your case logically, with actual facts and verifiable figures, she may have second thoughts about buying a grade horse to later breed.
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post #5 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 01:24 PM
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Set her down in front of a computer and show her all of the horse rescues across the country that are FULL of GOOD horses.. well bred. Then explain to her that the other horses end up with Bubba the horse meat dude!! She is obviously not well educated with horses or very SELFISH!!

Tell her the truth.. be honest!! If she doesn't get it then SHAME ON HER!! Good for you for doing the right thing and being concerned!! If all else fails send her to me and I will make sure she understands it with NO confusion!!

I am sorry about the heat of this post but I do rescues and I have seen first hand where these horses end up and their condition... Some people are just dumb!!!
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post #6 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
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I'm a mom heading close to 40, not a kid. ;) I have 5 horses of my own, the youngest is 5 months out of my show mare who is rebred to the same stud. "It's All About Blue". These horses are bred to show, big difference with the $100 babies. I just don't want to see her add to the "backyard horses" that there are so many of. She's a super sweet lady, and means well, just isn't educated. Looks like she's picking up the filly this weekend. I guess we'll just have to see what happens in a few years.
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post #7 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 09:54 PM
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Well what is your confrontation style... are you passive- if so then tell her all about how these backyard breeders bred a poor quality horse and lived an awful life....

If you are direct, tell her exactly what you put in your post.

"Equine-facilitated therapy employs a form of biofeedback for practicing self-awareness, emotional management, and relationship skills that human role-playing exercises and discussion groups cannot begin to access." Linda Kohanov (The Tao of Equus)
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post #8 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 10:19 PM
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I think I would just forget about it and wait until the filly is grown and she actually starts thinking about actually breeding her. To me, it doesn't sound like she's all that intent on breeding her just threw it out there. I would say something later on down the road. This gal might even change her mind once she realizes what a handful a young horse is. How old is the filly? I'm guessing she's got another year or two before she can actually breed her anyway and a lot can happen in that amount of time. I don't know how I would go about telling her, but good luck!

I've spent most my life riding horses...the rest i've just wasted.
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post #9 of 14 Old 10-08-2010, 09:53 AM Thread Starter
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Lots of great ideas! :) This filly is only 4months old, so she's got a lot of time before any breeding would happen. As Dakotaluv said, she's going to find out what a handful youngsters can be. I wouldn't say I'm very direct, I don't want to be rude or hurt her feelings, I'll just give it time. I think it's easy when you have friends that are breeding their horses to want to do it as well, because they are cute and it looks fun. I think that's sort of where she's coming from.
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post #10 of 14 Old 10-08-2010, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msmaryy View Post
Set her down in front of a computer and show her all of the horse rescues across the country that are FULL of GOOD horses.. well bred. Then explain to her that the other horses end up with Bubba the horse meat dude!! She is obviously not well educated with horses or very SELFISH!!

Tell her the truth.. be honest!! If she doesn't get it then SHAME ON HER!! Good for you for doing the right thing and being concerned!! If all else fails send her to me and I will make sure she understands it with NO confusion!!

I am sorry about the heat of this post but I do rescues and I have seen first hand where these horses end up and their condition... Some people are just dumb!!!
Yes, because screaming at her and telling her she's stupid and selfish won't backfire at all. :roll:

The OP said her friend was sweet, but clueless. The best way to educate people like that is with kindness and information, not accusatory rantings.

HUS, since you're both adults, you can approach her as an equal and a friend. As long as you use gentle tactics, you may well get her to see the light. Besides, you have plenty of time; that baby won't be breedable anytime soon.
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