Letter to Stallion owner... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 12:15 PM Thread Starter
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Exclamation Letter to Stallion owner...

"Hello,

I was looking for a proven (Welsh) stallion within driving distance of Fredericksburg, Virginia, when I came across your gorgeous stud, Legacy. I have a Icelandic cross mare, who does ranch-work and will start her minor career in local hunter shows this summer, that I would like to breed.

What is your policy for non-registered, non-Welsh mares? I would like to breed in 2011 for a 2012 foal.

I read through your site a few times, and I'm absolutely astonished with your facilities! I would like to know more about how you run your breeding business, and if we would be able to breed our mare to your lovely stallion. With that said, if we are able to, I would like to know more about how you cover mares, and so on.

Thank you,
[My name]"

Does this sound alright? What do I need to add, take out? Anything? Any advice is welcomed!
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post #2 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 12:47 PM
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Quote:
I read through your site a few times, and I'm absolutely astonished with your facilities! I would like to know more about how you run your breeding business,
That particular phrasing could very well be taken as having a negative tone - if that is not how you mean it, I would reword (actually I would eliminate it) that part.
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post #3 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 12:55 PM Thread Starter
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Noted, thank you! How would you personally write to a stallion owner?
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post #4 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 03:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by themacpack View Post
That particular phrasing could very well be taken as having a negative tone - if that is not how you mean it, I would reword (actually I would eliminate it) that part.
Actually, I don't see anything wrong if person wants to get more info. But I agree I'd rephrase it. I'm not really great at that, but I'd go with something like "I'd love to get more information about the rules, breeding rates, ...(whatever else you can think of) and if I would be able to breed my mare to your beautiful stallion".

However (and ilovemyPhillip, don't take it as an offense!), some great facilities I know of are not very happy about grade mares. Still worse to try - at least you'll find out!
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post #5 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 03:12 PM
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Yes, the word 'astonished' is often used to describe a negative reaction. Perhaps try 'impressed'?
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post #6 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 04:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skipsfirstspike View Post
Yes, the word 'astonished' is often used to describe a negative reaction. Perhaps try 'impressed'?
Agreed, Then it should be fine. :)

Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.
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post #7 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skipsfirstspike View Post
Yes, the word 'astonished' is often used to describe a negative reaction. Perhaps try 'impressed'?
Wow! Frankly I never heard about using it in negative way (unless ironic). Good to know though.
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post #8 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 09:29 PM
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Personally I think the letter is nicely written except for the "astonished". I agree it should say " impressed", sounds like you really like it instead of "astonished" which most folks would assume bad.
I get letters like this for my Show Dog studs and always take the time time to answer honestly the questions that are sent to me. I think it shows a person is really thinking through their options and want to question the owner of the stud(whether a dog or horse). But, I also feel, as the owner of a stud(dog or horse) that I also now have the option to question you about your mare, breeding experience, foal accomidations, etc.
If both parties are honest and answer questions truthfully then usually things work out great. And although most stud owners usually don't think about breeding to "grade" or in the case of dogs"non papered" sometimes after talking to the mare owner, they work out a breeding to benefit both parties.
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post #9 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 09:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten_Val View Post
Wow! Frankly I never heard about using it in negative way (unless ironic). Good to know though.
Really? I've always seen it as a multi-use word - it literally means just a state of shock or surprise, so just like it's synonyms it can be used both positive and negative.

Kind of like, if your mom looked at you after you swore and said "Young lady, I'm ASTONISHED at that language!" In fact, I believe my mom has said that exact phrase to me at some point!

Fully agreed, the letter sounds fantastic except for the astonished part. They should be able to get the tone of your letter, but when you followed it with "want to know how you run your breeding facility" it sounds like you could have just as easily said "I am astonished by your facility! What kind of a business do you run here?!" which is another phrase we hera a lot and it could be both negative or positive depending on tone of VOICE. In a letter, you want to be as clear as possible what your emotion is.

Quote:
I hope God tells her to smash her computer with a sledgehammer.

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post #10 of 26 Old 05-03-2010, 10:58 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you everyone I will rewrite and re post!:)
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