But what is life if not one giant risk? Sure, you can keep yourself safe by not pursuing that which you love but to do so is to deny something deep within ourselves. It denies the thing that most of all makes us human....our innate ability to hope.
More practically, concentrate on now and doing what is best for your filly. Once things resolve themselves, there will be time enough for soul searching. Cyber hugs to you bru, and use this thread to vent away. We are listening.