Good-bye My T Girl.
One week ago today, July 30 2012, my heart horse was laid to rest. She was only 23, and in incredible condition, that is except for her kind, beautiful eyes.
You see, she had ERU. For 5 years after the initial attack, we waged and battled a war that had all the advantages. We managed to hold off the final attack until 2 months ago. Her right eye lost it's sight after the first attack. We managed to fight the ensuing attacks on the left eye, trying desperately to hold off the blindness.
But, two months ago, the worst attack since the first on the right eye took whatever remaining sight was remaining to the left eye. My girl was left in darkness, pain and at times confusion.
I won't go into all the research, and both conventional as well as homeopathic treatments, for they were all for naught. And to add insult to injury, it wasn't enough that she was blind, but the ERU still waged it's war causing her tremendous pain.
At 4:00 that Monday morning, my once calm, steady and always sane girl, went through the heavy livestock fencing of her paddock for the second time in 7 weeks. It was then I made that horrible decision that many of us have had to, or will have to face. Her well being was top priority, not my love of her and wanting her to always be there. That would be to high a price to her.
All I could do now was make her final moments as calm and peaceful as possible. Fortunately I have a compassionate vet, and we were able to do just that for my beloved girl.
I had enjoyed riding this wonderful mare for 16 years, and had the privilege of owning her for 12 years. Not long enough, but the adventures we shared and the bond we had was all worth it. She and I danced!
It has taken me a week to post this, and in part because I'm still numb from having to make that decision. I still see her grazing in the pasture, and hear that powerful neigh of hers demanding her breakfast! While I know that the decision was the right one, I still feel like a failure to my girl. I think that will always stay with me.
Where ever my girl is now, she is pain free, and I like to believe, seeing clearly and enjoying a pasture in the bright sunshine! She deserves that and so much more.
Good-bye my girl. You will always be with me in my heart. Forgive me for failing to win that battle. I love you T-girl.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh crap, she's up!".