How can I cope without you hear to be with me! - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 5 Old 03-17-2013, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 70
• Horses: 0
How can I cope without you hear to be with me!

Hi guys, I'm crying as I write this as I can't bear the thoughts of his death in my head, I don't know what to do please help!

Aft almost a year I still can't get over what happened. Some of you may have seen my other thread called sonnys story, writing that was hard enough writing this is almost unbearable.

I just want sonny to know how much I love him and that if I could i would bring him back. My life feels like its all fallen to pieces and that a piece of me is missing without you here. I want people to know who you were and your amazingly brave story. You were the best horse I could ever dream of and so brave in your final moments. Ill never know what made those women lie about what happened and why the couldn't be honest. I wouldn't have blamed them if they had told the truth. I love you with all my heart and just want you to know you will never be forgotten as long as I live. I'm sorry you died at such a young age, I would have done anything for you even if it meant me getting hurt. I hope you know how much you mean to me and tat your legacy will live on forever you could have taught so many people many things and had such a bright future ahead of you. I still ask myself the same questions over and over again everyday!
Why you?
Why us?
What did I to make it all go wrong?
Was it fate?
Why those women lied?
I don't know why I do this as I know it will never bring you back:(
Thinking about facing the rest of my life without you is unbearable I don't know how I will do it.

Sorry everyone for lumbering you with my problems but I needed to get this down somewhere I feel so alone without him and I don't know what to do to stop feeling this way!
Once again I love you with all my heart and soul Sonny<3
R.I.P Sonny
Gone but Never forgotten!
Love you my sweet angel<3
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post #2 of 5 Old 03-17-2013, 04:18 PM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: enfeild london england
Posts: 1,700
• Horses: 2
horses passed on

hiya there is a lot of questions that we try to ask i still think about my first pony sonwy who passed on in 22/5/91 and like your horse i miss her so much and still shed a tear for her and my frends pony and horse charlie and john who i use to ride to john passed away with old age and charlie a twisted gut.
i still ask why and my frend chris who owned them passed on as well he was more a father to me than my father was.
and i lost a girlfrend to anarexia and nearley 2 years ago now i had to have her mare put to sleep im devastated as it was all i had of vanessa.
and i go in to a depresion for the ones that have gone like you im asking why,why them why do the good ones disapear im asking why.
we try our best and tradagy happens we question and try to grasp on to an answer we cant and im still welled up in greif.
i were a smile on the out side but that hides a broken intearia.
i share your pain and greif and thay say time is a healer but it is not people say forget move on if you do what have you learnt.
i cant do that its like puting them in the trash as thay never existed.
so i carry them with me forever untill my time has come.
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post #3 of 5 Old 03-17-2013, 06:44 PM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: enfeild london england
Posts: 1,700
• Horses: 2
loss of a frend

heres some songs to look and listen to on youtube inigma why and the moody blues forever autome sorry for give the spelling ill have to chat to you some day about things like what happened to you theres a lot of questions i would like to ask thoes women face to face if i was there for you i would.
there is so many questions i would ask them and the main one have thay got any intelegence its beyoung beleif what has happend there and why thay have let it happen and why the coverup it makes me mad i have seen this twice before and boy the truth comes out in the end.
the first one was the barn owners horse his name was benifits he was about 15.2 2 students went to get him from a feild thay were renting at the time it was about 4 miles away from the barn and 2 miles aproxamateley by track thay took the 4x4 in the feild i think he was cold backed he reared up fell over backwards and hit his head on the 4x4 and tryed to get up and hit his head a gain thay got him back and thay said he was fiting so the vet was treating him for that looking for a diagnosis.
it eventurley filterd out that he hit his head ben lost an eye also and had brain dammage and his reabilatation took a long time.
dew to incompadence the horse sufferd for about 8 days.
another girl on the same yard left a pich fork in the stable it was a womans foal it had just been weaned and it was a liver chestnut she was a beautifull filly foal.
she stabed her self with the fork and her hind leg was bleeding thay did not call a vet thay chucked it out in the feild and said another horse must have kicked it so it was treated for a kick. were the fork went in was a deep hole and it got lamer and lamer the vet came out it had a bad infection and ended up with tendonitus and was put to sleep its unbeleavable the owner went balistic the truth came out again.
my frend chris had a hackney cross cob he was at there yard to he was old and a girl had him on loan he had kidney trouble and fluid was comeing through the skin on his legs we went to visit him and a vet was there i had a run in with her as my pony needed a steroid jab as he suffers a bit from copd so i said to her what are you doing what are you treating and the girls on the yard gave a lot of abuce so i got on my cell phone i got her boss out befor that i said to my frend chris i think his time has come and i got more abuce and heckled.
well her boss came out took one look at the horse and took her to the side and fired her for incompedence john was led to the carpark and behind the muck heap he was put to sleep.
we still can not come to terms why the person who had him on loan did not tell my frend chris what was happening its compleatley discusting how low people go.
going back to that vet she told me to buy cough mixture foor my pony all i wanted was eather a steroid jab or ventapulmin which i can administer i was out side the pratice and i was haveing a bad day i was thinking a lot of vanessa i punched the wind sheild and shatterd it my frend chris said i think you better control your temper that was pure anger that she let my pony down i let him down as i could not treat him i overided her and got what i wanted he is ok.
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post #4 of 5 Old 03-17-2013, 07:09 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 5,332
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Maybe you should consider a grief counselor. If things are still very raw a year after his passing, IMO you're not handling it well and need the help.
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Last edited by DancingArabian; 03-17-2013 at 07:15 PM.
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post #5 of 5 Old 03-18-2013, 02:40 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 70
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Thanks guys, maybe your right about that, now I come to think of it, it is still very raw, before I just put it down to still being sad and thought that was normal but maybe it isn't normal
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