I dont know what to do with myself

Ferdi died at the age of 19 of a stroke tried everything to try and help him survice but nothing did. We sold him to a wonderful lady who was going to do high standards of dressage with him has 5* vetting and past.she phoned us up and told us to go and have a look at him before he gets put down and he forgot everything but the sadest thing was he could only remember me and my mum.

Here is a little something I have wrote.

Ferdi, r.i.p babey, I love you so much
You called me an angel. Said I was sent straight down from heaven. I loved the way I hugged you, you felt so strong. But Things will never be the same with out you. What did I do to desrve this.i didnt even get one last kiss from you. Took your love from me. You needed an angle so it seems. I need to feel your hands all over me. I need to feel you kissing me. I need to feel you jolding me. I need to feel your touch. Because I miss your love so much.and I can't keep on living this way.i need you here with me.whyy did you have to go .its hard for me too tell you I love you. As im staniding over your grave and I know ill never hear our voice again. Whyy did you leave me ? Whyy couldnt you just stay, now my world is nothing without you. Know I don't know what to do with my self. I would of given you anything. Just to make you happy. Just to hear you say you love me, one last time. I'd go hell and back over and over again just to prove to you how much I need you here. There is nothing that I wouldnt do. I cry for you, id lie for you. And theres no doubt that if I could take your place in heaven I would die for, yes I will. I would never give up my life. Then to see tears in your eyes. I can't stand to see you cry.cos its hard for mr to tell you I love you as im standing over your grave. Cos I know ill never hear your voice again. Whyy did you leave me ? Whyy couldnt you just stay babe. Becuas emy world is nothing without you. Know I don't know what to do with myself. I just don't know what to do with my self. I can't stand looking at these pictures on my shelf. Knowing it was just one week ago that I stood there and took that picture. Theres just one thing I wanna know. Whyy would god wonna hurt me so badly. Does he know how much it hurts to be missing you. Baby im missing you.i love you. God damn it I love you. Whyy did he take you away. From me. Cos I love you so much. I miss you so mcuh baby I just can't go on baby.i know your in a better plave know but I still will always have you in my heart and mind for life. Your hoofprints are always in my heart.

Im so sorry. Rest in peace Ferdi.

Those are precious words for a lost baby. I'm so sorry that Ferdi is gone, I hope the days will grow easier for you.

Thanks guysss. Its getting harder as life goes on, just really miss him and wants him back