I never even got to say goodbye... Be - The Horse Forum
  • 2 Post By 3ringburner
  • 1 Post By Northernstar
  • 2 Post By Saddlebag
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post #1 of 7 Old 02-20-2014, 03:08 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: United Kingdom
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I never even got to say goodbye... Be

My beautiful boy died almost 2 years ago now. I miss him everyday and without him I'm a lost soal.
The worst thing was I never got to say goodbye...
By the time I was told he was already gone, it was like my whole world came tumbling down on me. There was so much I wish I could have said and I never got the chance. I always said I'd be there for him until the end and it hurts to know that he was without me in his final moments. When I was told the first thing I felt was guilt and everyday I live with the thought that I couldn't be there to comfort him, I owed it to him after everything he'd done for me. It wasn't my fault I wasn't there but still I'll never forgive myself for not being there. He must have been so scared. I was his mum how could I not have been there?! He was 5 years old. I beat myself up about it everyday but the vet couldn't have waited for me to get out of school since it happened in the middle of the day. The last words I ever said to him were "bye grumpy" as I left the field as he had been grumpy that day so I was joking with him. If I had known that was the last time I would ever see him I would have said so much more! I can't live with the guilt and I feel like I let him down...
I'm so sorry Sonny!
I love you so much!
Good bye Sonny!<3
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post #2 of 7 Old 02-20-2014, 05:28 PM
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Missouri
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....awwweee....... that was the sweetest thing ive ever read............ im soooo sorry but i bet he knew you were joking........
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post #3 of 7 Old 02-20-2014, 06:21 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Northern Michigan
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So sorry for you losing Sonny! I agree with 3ringburner that he knew you were joking, and if it helps, always remember the fun times with him, and the good horse mom you always were! Before you left that day, he was probably having fun thoughts with his little 'grumpy' time. Don't be hard on yourself that you were in school! Smile when you think of the best times with him :)
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post #4 of 7 Old 02-20-2014, 06:32 PM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ontario
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Don't beat yourself up with guilt. Goodbyes aren't a horse concept. I'm sure the vet treated him with dignity and nothing you could have done or said would have changed the situation. Rather than focus on this negative time, focus on all the good times you shared. Create a Happy Journal along with pics.
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post #5 of 7 Old 02-21-2014, 02:11 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: United Kingdom
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Thank you for your love,y comments. It means a lot x
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post #6 of 7 Old 02-24-2014, 06:13 PM
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ohio
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Im sorry for your loss, I would feel the same as you but you know he had to have the best life ever with you and that is what you have to remember. I almost lost my horse when he was hit by lightning (indirectly) and so I know how you feel as I thought he wasn;t going to make it..but he did, I was lucky. He will always be in your heart
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post #7 of 7 Old 02-24-2014, 07:37 PM
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ontario
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Ok, I am definitely not a gushy, emotional person. So keep that in mind when reading my response. Initially, I want to say, "get over it." But I know that many people think that is harsh so I will expand on that:

The thing is - it's done. Done, over and no changing it. So I have always been of the opinion that I am not going to expend energy and resources on something that can't be changed.

Now, you need to come to terms with that. Remember, the horse really didn't have any concept of goodbye or whether you said "bye, grumpy" or "see you tomorrow, love." The emotional chagrin and guilt is self-imposed. You have to realize and accept that at any given moment we all make decisions the very best way that we can given the facts at the moment, the emotions at the moment, the skills at the moment, the colour of the sky and whatever other thing was going on in your world then. Those decisions are made by you, by the vet, by any other person that interacted with the horse and so on.

So, remember AT THE TIME, the very best decision that could have been made, was made FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOUR HORSE. If it would truly have benefited your horse to wait for you to appear to tell him "I love you" that he wouldn't have understood anyway, then that is what probably would have been done.

Don't make yourself feel bad or guilty over the past by dwelling on it. As already posted, remember the fun stuff.

Am I going to get shunned by everyone now for saying this?
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