*Big huge hug!*
I am SO sorry for your loss. :'(
My favorite horse in the entire world, who was literally my motivation to ride when I was younger (she was extremely feisty and I was CONSTANTLY asking, "Am I ready to ride her yet?" and when I got a no I would be like, "Okay, well then, I guess I'll ride more often until I get good enough!" or "Okay, well then sure, I'll ride *insert butt-face horse's name here* next week! If it helps me get good enough to ride Phoebe!") died two years ago this September. Sis was with you a lot longer, but I can understand what you're going through a little.