August 22, was a particularly hard day for me. It started off at 11:00 when me and my best barn friend went to go get our horses from the field. Keep in mind that our pasture is 80 acres.. so we both split up to get our horses, she went to go get her jumper, Chance. (Gandalf is her horse). Now, I went through a small herd of the horses to get Mark, and was probably about 30 feet away from them heading back to the barn, when I heard an extremely loud squeel, like the noise that the horses make when they are in heat... so I turn around and look, I see the horses kind of prancing around.. and Gandalf was lying down. I kind of shrugged it off, I just figured he was sunbathing and that the horses just got into a hissy fit for a moment. Hours later, I'm at work and I get a phone call.
My sister tells me that Gandalf was found dead, right at the top of the hill, where I had seen him lying. I think that that squeel was him, because they believe he had a heart attack. When they found him, they coyotes had already gotten to him.... it's just so hard to know that I could have turned around and went back, I had seen him, and I should have known better than to just shrug it off. I feel so completely guilty, and I know that even if I had gone back, he would've still died of the heart attack, but there is just this terrible, sad guilty feeling that I can't get rid of. He was my best friend's first horse, and I feel like I let them both down. I know it's not my fault, but I can't stop thinking about it.
But anyways, here's to Noffs, who had a great 21 years of his life. He was a grand prix jumper with the Warner Brother's daughter, then went on to a wonderful life of retirement with my friend as her first show horse, then to my friend's mom as a dressage horse. He was an amazing guy, the pimp of the barn. He always had 3 girls with him, usually Peekaboo, Kisses, and Belle.
I understand you feel guilt. I did too when Rose died, I felt it was my fault. I could have done something different, but I didn't.
But think of this, what was the purpose? You see, Rose was a rescue horse, the second one I ever rescued. After I lost the first one, my main goal with her, was to let her see how good humans can be. Then, once she saw that, sadly, she died. But, that was her purpose, she taught me I could do it, and I taught her to love again, so God knew she had served her purpose on earth.
Look at all the wonderful things Gandalf did that you told all of us. He had served his purpose really well. I'm sure everyone who knew him will agree. God just said it was time to go, he was done. It is hard, I still miss Rose, of course it was a few months ago, but you know Gandalf wouldn't want to see you crying or blaming yourself for him. I know Rose wouldn't for me. =]
I've kind of come to terms with everything, I visited his grave today... and talked to him for a few minutes. It sounds weird, but I just wanted to tell him I was sorry, and that he meant a lot to everyone.
But it really helped, seeing where he was buried, and just kind of sitting there, saying goodbye.
Thank you so much everyone, and chevyprincess that really helped. I'm sorry about your horse as well.