Your situation and fierce pain of loss made me think of two things;
First, that Hondo is gone in body, yes, which is a pain which must be inexplicable... At the same time, he is absolutely a part of who you are every single day...of how you express yourself, feel things, make decisions and look at life, not only as a horsewoman, but as a woman, and simply as a person. What an incredible gift you and he were picked to share! Your WHOLE LIFE to this point with him, and he with you. That is something near-to-unheard-of anymore... you two raised one another!
The second is related to what I just wrote... for better or for worse, many of us cannot reliably separate our lives, choices. decisions made, and lessons learned from the lives of whomever raised us, whether that was our parents, grandparents, aunt, family friend...etc...Hondo "created" you, the good you, who turned to your best horse friend rather than to the "dangerous choices" of youth! He influenced you through your love for him alone, I'd imagine, to do what was "right", way more often than taking the "wrong" path, probably without you even realizing it at that time. You paid him back one thousand-fold through your "forever love" for him, and the indescribably amazing equine life, a life of peace and safety, that I'd bet most horses cannot even fathom the comfort of.
What an incredible blessing, those things which you each wrapped around one another and used to keep one another warm and safe with for 31 years. He'll always be right there with you...always an amazing, undeniable part of who you are.
Giant hugs and cyber-kleenex from me to you...I pray your pain becomes somewhat less acute very soon, but am guessing you may be in this stage for some time, dear woman!
Respectfully, and in memory of Hondo....RIP, you most special and unique boy...
"I'm too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener"