Stop telling us how we feel!

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Stop telling us how we feel!

This is a discussion on Stop telling us how we feel! within the Horse Memorials forums, part of the The Horse Forum Community category

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        03-17-2013, 06:05 PM
    Stop telling us how we feel!

    I hope this offends nobody as I really don't want anyone to feel offended or upset by this. However when you try and tell us you know how we feel after the death our horses we don't want to hear it. Your horse , might have passed away too but every situation is different and we really don't appreciate being told how we feel.

    Please don't be offended but stop acting like you know what we are going through and what our story is! It makes me so annoyed to see people do this.. Yes a little sympathy but stop telling us you know how feel and stuff, you can sign out of this forum and go back to normal life your not the one who has to get up every morning and live with your greatest friends death for the rest of your life!

    So please we beg for you to stop telling us how feel and pretending you know our story because you don't and we really don't want to hear it.

    Please don't be offended by this its not meant to offend anyone it is just the simple truth.

    This is aimed at people who haven't lost a horse! For the ones who have like me , I'm sorry you had to read this but you probably feel the same way I do about people telling us how feel.

    Once again please nobody be offended but just don't do it because it just makes our situation worse

    Thank you
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        03-17-2013, 06:18 PM
    Super Moderator
    Just is your loss so unique that it has no relation to a loss I may have had? Loss of a heart horse is a loss, period, and it is gut wrenching for us all.

    You have just thrown all the good wishes and offers of sympathy right in everyone's faces. Better to have not signed on for a while and grieve in solitude that to have done that, IMHO.

    I guess you have hit a sensitive spot for me. As you have said....I hope I haven't offended you.
        03-17-2013, 06:22 PM
    What makes the loss of a horse incomparable to the loss of any other treasured animal or loved one? A loss is a loss. No one will have your unique story but that doesn't mean someone who hasn't specifically experienced the loss of a horse has not experienced a great loss of another animal who held deep meaning to them.
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        03-17-2013, 06:23 PM
    Who is this "we" you speak on behalf of? I'm curious to know why someone posting in a Horse Memorial forum would abhor support. It kind of defeats the purpose Everyone will experience loss at some point in their lives. Minimizing the emotional experiences of others who are offering condolences during someone's grieving period is disrespectful.

    People don't understand? How do you know?
        03-17-2013, 06:26 PM
    Green Broke
    I agree im not really understanding. Any loss is hard. I find it helpful to know there are others that have experienced it and can help to talk to people who know the feeling .
        03-17-2013, 06:28 PM
    Green Broke
    When someone says they know how you feel - they are trying to show empathy. Most everyone has lost someone that was extremely important to them - be it a person, horse or some other animal that they were close with. They are just saying they can relate. It may not be *exactly* the same from situation to situation - but if someone can relate they can offer the best understanding of your feelings.

    Its so very sad that you would throw it back in their face.
        03-17-2013, 06:28 PM
    Loss makes us angry and sensitive. When I lost my heart dog, I tossed every sympathy card sent to me (tho without telling well-meaning friends). I could help but feel insulted that someone thought a ridiculous piece of paper could fo anything to counter the obiss I was drifting in. To this day, most people can't understand what he was to me.

    Since losing Pilgrim, I've encountered life challenges that would make others urinate in their boots, but his loss still leaves that resounding echo through my most internal self.

    No one can measure another's loss and people do bungle the best intentions. When the sharpness of hurt subdues to a glowing roar, perspective returns and we realise people need to offer comfort as much for themselves as for us.
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    toto likes this.
        03-17-2013, 06:31 PM
    Super Moderator

    No words for this thread

    Comanche, 33 years old, rest in peace 2-26-2010 dear friend

        03-17-2013, 06:35 PM
    Green Broke
    Everyone endures loss dear, and as humans we try to comfort others.....
    Stop taking it so offensively open your heart and let the love others are sharing help you heal.
    Guess what, less than five years ago my dad and step dad, two o the most important men in my life, died within a week of each other- people emphasized with me, that's what we do. If you think you're alone in pain look around and there is always someone more in pain than you. If you don't want them to share their story then don't share yours.
    I've lost dogs, horses, cats, babies and two fathers.....I personally will share a story with anyone who feels like they need to talk. If my pain can help lesson someone else's them at least I'm not hurting in vain.
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        03-17-2013, 07:06 PM
    I'm having a hard time understanding this as well. I am also confused by the "we" part. I know I am not in the "we" that feels that way. In those times, I am comforted by support from those who do know how it feels and what I'm going through.

    I can and will say that I DO UNDERSTAND how it feels. I've personally said goodbye to 10 horses over the years, each one had a special place in my heart. My heart horse is buried next to a trail in our woods that I ride by quite often, she's been gone for 20 years and I still shed a tear on occasion when I ride by, so please don't tell me that I don't know how it feels.

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