"Hi ... my name is Max, some of you kno me as Noel, the Chrissmus Pony. I'm so hard dun bye here now that I ahve to eat roots! Notice there's hay on the ground rite next to me, but in my neglekted state I'm so confoosed I'm not even conshus of what I'm doing any more.
"When dere's no rootz, I haf too eet plastik bagz ... you can C I den poop traffik conez!
"As yoo can C frum my butt & belli, I've allmost wastid away too nuthing ... if yoo can hel-p mee, sneek sum foodz across day fenze, OK?
"Butt, don't let doz bigg horsez C yoo, orr I'll just gett wurz!