I am not sure if your reason for sharing the essay was to see if you had enough of an argument to persuade others to agree, or was it to have readers give their evaluation of the essay as a piece of expository writing, in which case the grammar, punctuaion and logical outline and progression of your argument is more important than the "truth" of it in a objective sense.
If you want the latter, I can say that you might want to reread the essay from the point of view of someone who has no knowledge of this subject matter. Thus, set up the situation a bit more clearly, (why people breed knowing that many will end up discarded. Because, people would not do this if it wasnt' profitable in some way.)
Then, you might describe the crisis , so to speak, with numbers of horse abandoned, and in shelters, so that the severity of the problem is explained.
Then, list the solutions considered and why you feel that slaughter is NOT the best solution. Make your paragraphs shorter and more "punchy". There are a few grammatical errors that I can find if I wade through the large blocks of text, and I can do that if you like.
Expository writing is hard, and usually requires multiple drafts, wherein you rearrange and reduce waste to fine tune the final product.
I wish the best of luck and commend your courage for taking and standing for your beliefs.
Last edited by tinyliny; 03-07-2012 at 01:13 AM.
Reason: spelling errors