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*New* Crit my ad. (not yet posted)

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        11-29-2010, 04:13 PM
      #1
    Green Broke
    Arrow *New* Crit my ad. (not yet posted)

    Name: Millennium Gold (Prince Phillip)
    Price: $800 for a year of full lease. [*help me with price?!*]
    Location: Fredericksburg, Virginia
    Breed(s): Arabian/Quarter Pony
    Sex: Gelding
    Height: 13.2
    Color: Palomino
    Foal Date: ?, 2000
    Markings: Blaze, half stocking
    Registration:None
    Disciplines: English Pleasure (trained) Hunter (trained), Gaming (prospect)
    Attributes: None
    Temperament: 5

    ...

    Here's what I need help with, the ad message..

    Alright, he hasn't been worked hard at all in his life. He was a lesson pony for 7 years.. Novice riders and such. I bought him two years ago, since then we've been working on his w/t/c, leads, and his jump. I can't tell how well he tucks when he goes over one, but I'll get pictures soon. And videos. He's really good on the ground, will always come in for you never to hot, sometimes if he's free lunging you really have to drive him over a jump. He knows vocal commands, has a fast paced walk, needs NO leg, but knows leg cues. He can neck rein, and hasn't been ridden in a bridle since his is too small/needs his teeth done (getting done this spring along with a vet check before I actually put him up for lease). He can jump up to 2'3, will w/t/c + jump 18 inches (or higher) bareback. We've worked a little on fox hunting, gaming (he's great at gaming SPINS around barrels, will stop dead, etc), some dressage (although I've never had a real dressage lesson), and Western pleasure. He needs to stay in Virginia, relatively close. Lessee is accountable for vet/farrier/board/feed. Monthly lease is $65. 6 month lease: $400. Year lease: $800. Phillip NEEDS an intermediate rider. A kid that can handle a fast/hot pony. No beginners, he might accidently hurt one. He does have anxiety which increases the risk for him to spook. Normally if you're calm, he's calm. He was abused in his early life so he also needs a gentle hand. I'm willing for kids to come out & ride him in a lesson to try him out. He has never been shown, but I'm hoping he'll go to show home. He's brilliant and a fast learner. I'm leasing him so I can attend to other matters, and for a kid to enjoy him. (: *LEASE ONLY* I do not want to sell him.

    ^ I need someone to help me put all of that into one or two paragraphs. I know somethings like him being hot/spooky shouldn't be in there. I just don't know how to say some things. Advice, anyone? :) I only have riding pics, no conformation. He's really put together like an Arab, and has that Arab trot. But you can see the Quarter in him. I'll try to get some reference pictures soon.. I don't want to take ad pictures with his winter coat on. Thanks!
         
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        11-29-2010, 04:33 PM
      #2
    Yearling
    How about...

    Beautiful 13.2hh Palomino Arab/Quarter horse for lease. He walk, trots, and canters, and is starting over small jumps. He is also a great gaming horse, and a lot of fun. Needs an intermediate rider. 6 month lease: $400. Year lease: $800. If you have any questions or are interested please call .....
         
        11-29-2010, 04:49 PM
      #3
    Weanling
    I wrote up something for you, just as a suggestion. In my opinion, a lot of the information you put in there doesn't necessarily need to be in the ad, but could be stuff that you tell the people when they come out to meet him.

    Quote:
    Phillip was used as a lesson pony for novice riders for 7 years. He has good ground manners, and is easy to catch. He can jump up to 2’3,” and is accustomed to being ridden bareback. He has experience with fox hunting, gaming (excellent at barrels), dressage, and western pleasure. Phillip will only be leased to an intermediate rider.

    Phillip needs to stay relatively close to me in Virginia. The lessee is accountable for veterinary care, farrier services, boarding, and feed. He is available for lease only—I am not looking to sell him.
    • Monthly lease is $65
    • 6 month lease is $400
    • Year Lease is $800

    Please feel free to contact me with any questions you might have.

    I might not say anything about registration or attributes, since he doesn't have them anyway...unless you are using a horse site that requires you to enter that information.



    Like I said, these are just suggestions for your ad...you don't have to use them. :)
         
        11-29-2010, 05:04 PM
      #4
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CharliGirl    
    I wrote up something for you, just as a suggestion. In my opinion, a lot of the information you put in there doesn't necessarily need to be in the ad, but could be stuff that you tell the people when they come out to meet him.




    I might not say anything about registration or attributes, since he doesn't have them anyway...unless you are using a horse site that requires you to enter that information.



    Like I said, these are just suggestions for your ad...you don't have to use them. :)
    This would be my choice :)
         
        11-29-2010, 05:13 PM
      #5
    Green Broke
    If you do it monthly I would charge more for short term 65.00 a month ads up to 780.00 a yr so you are charging more by the yr.
         
        11-29-2010, 05:20 PM
      #6
    Green Broke
    I agree, Something a little shorter instead with over flow of words.
         
        11-29-2010, 05:24 PM
      #7
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by churumbeque    
    If you do it monthly I would charge more for short term 65.00 a month ads up to 780.00 a yr so you are charging more by the yr.
    800 divided by 12 is 66.66666667. So, the monthly lease would be $66.67. Or I could round to $67. I don't know.



    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CharliGirl    
    I wrote up something for you, just as a suggestion. In my opinion, a lot of the information you put in there doesn't necessarily need to be in the ad, but could be stuff that you tell the people when they come out to meet him.




    I might not say anything about registration or attributes, since he doesn't have them anyway...unless you are using a horse site that requires you to enter that information.



    Like I said, these are just suggestions for your ad...you don't have to use them. :)
    Thank you! That looks really good, I like it. Somewhere in there I have to add negative coggins, UTD on shots, clips, loads, leads, ties, and stand for farrier. Registration & Attributes are on most sites. Just saying. (:
         
        11-29-2010, 05:29 PM
      #8
    Green Broke
    I was thinking if you did it short term I would charge more like 100.00 a month? What is they just lease him for the good summer months and then you can't lease him for the winter?
         
        11-29-2010, 05:31 PM
      #9
    Green Broke
    Then I don't lease him in the winter, lol. I just want someone to ride him when they can atleast, he needs it, he'd be good in the ring. I just don't have time with my 3 other horses, own farm, and breeding goats. I may be selling my other pony this summer, so if he doesn't get leased it's no tragedy.
         
        11-29-2010, 06:00 PM
      #10
    Green Broke
    I thought free leases are typical unless you have some fabulous horse on the show circuit. That may be your best bet if money isn't an issue and then you could possibly have more control.
         

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